Baby Doll(68)

She saw Wes watching her. He was covered in sweat and drenched from the steady rain, his black hoodie covering his hair and part of his face. For once, she wasn’t annoyed. A wave of sympathy coursed through her. She was leaving this house, the house he’d tried so hard to make their home. These days—and she blamed the hormones—but these days, she was grateful for his steady presence. Wes had a knack for entertaining Sky, making all of them laugh, including Lily. Abby knew her sister was wrestling with the reality of what they’d been through. Lily had tried to apologize, but she had nothing to be sorry for. They’d moved past that night at the hospital, and for Abby, it felt like they were getting closer to where they’d been. But she worried it would never be the same.

Lily tried to put on a good show, but there were times when Abby saw the darkness consume her sister. One minute, Lily would be gardening, or teasing Sky while she cooked breakfast, or they’d all be in the den watching The Bachelor, or one of the dozens of DVD sets Abby had bought to improve Lily’s pop-culture IQ, and then Lily would vanish into her room, into her books, into the abyss Rick Hanson left behind. Every time Lily disappeared for the day or even the evening, Abby was on edge, waiting for Lily to break down again. But the next day, Lily would reappear, as if nothing were wrong. Abby knew that couldn’t possibly be true, but she had to follow Lily’s lead.

Everyone was trying to move forward, trying to forget about Hanson. Some days it almost felt like things were normal again. But Abby couldn’t seem to shake the anger and rage that still consumed her. She wanted to be like Lily—her sister seemed so kind and hopeful and optimistic—but for Abby, keeping up that facade was so much work. Still, she tried. She’d made serious progress with Wes, accepting that he wasn’t the enemy. She was just as “guilty” for pursuing their relationship. But Wes was still there, an outsider trying to get in.

“Ma’am, we’re all done here. Should we meet you at the new house?” one of the movers asked.

“That would be great. Thank you.”

They went to leave and Abby turned to Wes, offering up a weak smile. He moved beside her, trying to act cool, but there was pleading in his tone.

“It’s not too late, Abs. Let’s tell these guys to stop what they’re doing. We’ll unpack it all.”

Abby’s stomach did a flip, an emotional pull deep inside that she blamed on the alien invader. Why was Wes saying these things? They’d already been through this.

“Lily needs me.” Abby turned to go.

“I need you.” He grabbed her.

“Wes, please don’t.” She tried to push him away.

But he came back, as he always did, like a goddamn gnat, holding her tightly to him. “You’ve given up the last eight years of your life. Shutting yourself off to me and Eve and all your friends. When are you going to have your own life? When?”

“I don’t know.”

“And what about me?”

“You’re this baby’s father. My moving out doesn’t change that.”

“Wow. Thanks. That’s great. A sperm donor with visitation rights. I appreciate that.”

“We’ve talked about this. I can’t be with you. I can’t do that to Lily.”

Wes’s eyes flashed with anger. He shook his head and laughed, but there was something else in his expression. Something so smug and knowing, as if he had a secret he couldn’t wait to share.

“What? What is so funny?” she asked, hating that look.

“Lily kissed me. Did she tell you that she kissed me?”

Abby stared at him, at his anger-filled eyes.

“So what, Wes? It doesn’t matter.”

He grabbed her arm again. “So, you’re okay with the fact that she kissed me? That her mouth was on mine and our bodies were this close, and I liked it. No. I loved it. We were all alone and I thought, why not? I could so easily be with her. I remembered exactly what it was like back then. She was my first love too. I remember how excited she was to be around me, how easy things were. When she kissed me, I thought, maybe I should pick her. She’ll laugh at my jokes. She’ll be grateful for everything I do for her. Most importantly, she won’t punish me for loving her. But don’t you see, Abby? You’re not interchangeable. I can’t pick and choose one of you at random. I love you. I love you even though you’re a total bitch, even though you make me crazy. I love you. Not Lily. And maybe you’ll keep punishing me. Maybe you’ll keep punishing yourself, but don’t tell me it doesn’t matter. This matters. We matter. And I’m not letting you go until you say it.”

She stared at him, his hand on her arm, holding her, clutching her. Abby pushed him away and headed down the sidewalk, feeling nauseated and dizzy. She needed to get away from him, to get away from the image of his lips locked with Lily’s, bodies pressed together. She slowly made her way to the street, but a sharp pain in her abdomen nearly sent her tumbling to the ground. She reached out, grabbing onto a nearby car to steady herself. Wes was by her side in an instant.

“Abby? Are you okay? Is it the baby?”

A contraction crashed into her, and she gasped. “Yes! Oh shit. Call Mom and Lily. I want them at the hospital. Please, get them there.”

“I will, Abs. I swear.”

Wes put his arms around Abby and carried her to his pickup. He held on to her, whispering about how much he loved her and about how much he was going to love their baby.