Baby Doll(33)

Lily could do this. She was strong enough to do this. She thought back to the fight she’d gotten into with Abby and the voice mail she’d left for her mother. After she’d hung up, she’d figured her mom would show up, annoyed and ready with the standard “Why can’t you girls get along?” lecture. At a little before six o’clock, she’d seen Mr. Hanson, his leather backpack slung over his shoulder. He’d approached her in the quad, looking concerned.

“Lily, it’s getting late. You okay?” he’d asked.

Lily had sighed and gestured to her crutches. Without her sprained ankle, she’d have just jogged home, always eager to improve her time. But that day she was stuck at school, at the mercy of her parents to come get her or Abby to feel guilty and return to pick her up.

“They should really make these things motorized. It’d be much more effective.”

“Where’s Abby?”

“We had a fight, and my mom isn’t answering her cell. But I left her a message. She should be here soon.”

He’d glanced at the deserted parking lot. Lily realized later that he’d been weighing his options. Calculating the risks.

“I could give you a lift. You’re over in Crested Glen, right? It’s on my way.”

Lily was instantly relieved. Midterms were a few weeks away, and she had a long night of studying ahead of her. And she’d loved Mr. Hanson. Everyone did. She’d stood up and followed him to the faculty parking lot. She’d never once noticed the crisp fall air or the last glimmer of the sun before it sank into the horizon.

“I should have taken it all in, but why would I? Who notices seasons when you’re sixteen and absorbed with the truly important things like dating and track meets and pop quizzes? There was always another season, another sunset or full moon or snowfall right around the corner. But if I’d known that was my last taste of fall, I’d have savored every second, inhaled the smell of burning leaves in the distance, studied the pine needles that covered the grounds. Instead, I grabbed my crutches and blindly followed him.”

Everyone waited to hear what she’d say next.

Lily had thought about that moment endlessly. Replayed it over and over. What if she’d said no thanks? Or what if Mom or Dad had pulled into the parking lot just then? What if she had told Abby she’d find the sweater instead of letting the fight spiral out of control? What if someone had seen her getting into Mr. Hanson’s car and said hello? Maybe he would have dropped her off and wished her a good night.

“I climbed into his Mercedes and commented on how awesome his stereo system was. Foreigner’s ‘Juke Box Hero’ was on the radio. I’d never heard of them, which he thought was hysterical. He said I needed serious schooling when it came to music. I joked that he should teach a class. When the song ended, he switched off the radio. We talked about the upcoming winter break. My sprain would be healed by then and I was excited about our annual trip to Whistler. I was so busy talking that when he passed our subdivision, I was sure it was an accident. I told him he’d missed my turn, but he didn’t react. He started talking about how pretty I was, how well I carried myself, that I was different from the other girls. Warning bells were ringing in my ears. And I thought that was crazy because this was Mr. Hanson.” Lily’s voice trembled.

“We can take a break,” Dr. Zaretsky said.

Lily didn’t stop. She couldn’t. She had to get this out. “I told him he could turn around at the next stop sign. But he didn’t react. It was like he wasn’t even listening. ‘I’m a firm believer in luck. And today is our lucky day.’”

She’d been trying to wrap her brain around what was happening. Mom and Dad had gone on and on about strangers, about the differences between good and bad people. She’d watched Dateline and Law and Order with Abby, shows that turned real-life tragedy into packaged entertainment. Lily wasn’t na?ve. She knew what could happen when you trusted the wrong person. But this was Mr. Hanson, for God’s sake.

“I remember how Rick smiled. But it wasn’t a real smile. Something about it said, ‘You have every right to fear me.’ It felt like he was silent for ages, and then he spoke. ‘Lily, I realize this might not make sense at first, but after we’ve been together awhile, you’ll understand. I don’t expect you to love me right away, but one day, you will.’ When he said that, I thought I was going crazy. My heart was racing. Blood pounded in my ears, and my vision turned spotty. I realized there was something very wrong with Mr. Hanson. Something dark and twisted. I knew I had to get away. I pulled at the door handle, but it was locked. I clawed at it, begging him to stop the car. I grabbed my phone but he was one step ahead of me. He smashed it against the dashboard. By then, I knew I was in serious trouble. I was crying. He pulled the car over to the side of the road, and I begged him to let me go. He kept whispering for me to be quiet, ordering me to be a good girl. But I couldn’t stop crying. And then he backhanded me across the face.”

Lily remembered the force of that first blow. “I’d never been hit before. Blood poured from my nose onto my cream blouse. I remember thinking that it was ruined and how I’d used two months of babysitting money to pay for it. It was so stupid. I was still crying but Rick stared at me. Unaffected. No sympathy. There was never any sympathy. His face was like granite. Perfectly carved. Emotionless. And then he laid out his rules. Crying was forbidden. Running was forbidden. Leaving was forbidden. ‘I will never kill you, Lily,’ he’d said. ‘I love you too much for that. But if you break my rules, you will pay.’”