Atone (Recovered Innocence #2)(76)

It’s those unexpected detours that have lead to the most interesting things in my life. Take my new job at Nash Security and Investigations. Totally not what I saw myself doing when they handed me my college diploma for my degree in criminal justice. I was going to be a police officer. Or maybe a sheriff. Okay, a small part of me kinda hoped the FBI would recruit me right out of college. That didn’t happen. Also, it turns out that I’m not cut out to be a cop. A little more than halfway through the entrance application, I had the sudden, overwhelming realization that I didn’t want to go into law enforcement.

After that revelation—another something leaping across my road, making me jerk the wheel to avoid it—I found myself on an unfamiliar street, fenced in by unfamiliar surroundings, driving along at a snail’s pace. That was the year I wandered aimlessly through job after job, looking for The Thing. My Thing. Who and what I was meant to be. And then I came across the story of how this PI firm, Nash Securities and Investigations, had helped to clear a man named Beau Hollis who was wrongly convicted for the rape and murder of his ex-girlfriend. That sounded like a really cool job. I mean, freeing someone after years in prison. Giving them their life back. That’s a f*cking incredible thing.

I wanted to be a part of that.

It was the first time I ever had that feeling about anything. I sure as shit didn’t have it about selling cars or driving a delivery truck or being a customer service rep for an electronics company. The free pizza I got to eat doing deliveries for an Italian restaurant didn’t give me the sensation of being imminently useful. Contributing to society. Doing good. Making wrong things right. That’s what I want to do.

Except as usual I managed to screw things up the first chance I got.

Backing up.

I got the job at Nash Security and Investigations by nailing the interview. That never happens to me. I should’ve known it was too good to be true. Like I said, nothing’s ever been handed to me. Definitely not something as big and as sought-after as this job was for me. The very first assignment they gave me on my own, I screwed up. Like huge, major, no-going-back-from-this, lives-in-danger kind of f*cked up. It should’ve been a cakewalk. Watch this retail center. See if this guy shows up. Follow him. See where he goes. Simple, right?

Not for me.

I got close enough to get his license plate. I followed him, thinking I was cool and important, and then the guy lost me. One minute he was there then the next—POOF. Gone. When I got back to the office to give the car and tag info to my boss, Cora Hollis (sister of the exonerated Beau), the client, Vera Swain (Beau’s firlfriend), pointed out that if I got close enough to get the guy’s plate then I was close enough for him to get my plate. And son of a bitch if he hadn’t. That’s how the * found Vera—through me. Finding her resulted in the bastard killing her sister and nearly killing Vera and Beau, the guy who’d just gotten his life back after spending years in prison.

All of that shit was on me. Why Cora didn’t fire me on the spot I have no idea. Hell, I would’ve fired me. A young girl died because of me. I almost got Beau and Vera killed. All because I can’t get anything right the first time out. This was one case where the effort and the thought didn’t count. I tried didn’t mean shit. I’m sorry wasn’t enough. I didn’t mean to was useless.

Cora insisted there was nothing to forgive. An honest mistake, she called it. Could’ve happened to anyone, she said. You’ll do better next time, she placated. Would I though? Second and third tries were iffy for me. Nearly as dicey as the first time. And that first time was a giant clusterf*ck of epic proportions. I know it’ll get better from here on out, but that’s not much consolation. Like a category five hurricane downgrading to a three or a four. Still a major disaster. There will be damage, it’s just a matter of how much and who it will affect.

I show up at the office and keep my head down. I do as I’m told the way I’m told. I try to absorb as much as I can from Jerry, one of the old-timers whose unenviable job it is to show me the ropes. I hope the guy has good life insurance. I joked about that once with him. He didn’t laugh.

Cora hasn’t been in the office much the past few weeks. She visits Vera in the hospital pretty regularly. So does Beau. Now that he’s out of jail after being accused of shooting Vera. That guy’s luck is as shit as mine. No. Shittier. Way shittier. I’ve never been in jail for anything, let alone been accused of hurting the woman I love—twice. That’s some powerfully bad karma he’s carrying around. When I think about all he’s been through, I can’t feel too sorry for myself. If I don’t think about how he wouldn’t have gone to jail that second time if not for me and how Vera wouldn’t have gotten shot and how her sister wouldn’t be dead.

Yeah. I try not to think about that. I do my job. I put in my best effort. I pray it’ll be enough. Maybe one of these days it will be. I’m not sure why I’m here except that Cora’s not around a lot and there’s a ton of work that needs to get done. I owe her that at least. Whatever she asks, I do. Take out the trash—it’s out. Run a few copies—they’re done. Pick up lunch—I get the order exactly right. All I have to offer is my best effort. What happens after that is a complete and utter mystery. Could be good. Could be bad. Who knows? It’s me we’re talking about.

I’m running a computer search for a client—a job Beau held for a while before the shooting—when Cora walks in, muttering over the open file in her hands. She’s really pretty, like the “make you drop your sandwich and stare like an idiot” kind of pretty. She doesn’t even know it. That makes her sexier. Even if she weren’t my boss, she’d be way off-limits to me. She’s dating the son of the owner of the agency. I don’t even exist to her on any level except employee. That’s okay though. I’d screw that up too. She’s not the kind of person you mess around with casually. She’s an all-in kind of woman. The kind you marry and never cheat on. Her boyfriend is a lucky son of bitch and he knows it.