Atone (Recovered Innocence #2)(78)

I set the pages aside and try to go back to the computer searches I was doing. But my gaze strays. With a sigh I tear up little pieces of paper, write their names on them, and shake the folded scraps in my hands. I hope this is the right thing to do. I close my eyes and choose. Carla. I’m disappointed and yet not. I take her page out and look at it again.

“Well?” Cora stands in the doorway ankles and arms crossed. “Were you able to pick one?”

As subtle as I can I scoop up the little pieces of paper and ball them in my hand. I can’t let her know how I couldn’t come to a decision. That I let fate randomly decide. I don’t know why I did it. Fate has never been anything but a bitch to me.

I hold up the page. “Carla Ruiz.”

She unfolds herself and comes toward me. She takes the sheet and nods. “This one got to me too. What made you choose her?”

I knew it. “She lost twice—her son and her freedom. That’s too much for anyone let alone someone so young.”

“Yeah. I thought the same thing.” There’s a look in her eyes that I don’t like seeing. Sadness. She’s too pretty to be sad. “Beau was a year younger than her when he went to prison.”

“That must’ve been awful.”

She nods, her focus on Carla’s photo.

“How’s Vera doing?” I have to ask. Then I hold my breath, waiting for the answer.

Cora’s bright blue eyes slide from the paper to me and there’s a warm wave crashing over me, making my breath catch. Her eyes are the same the same blue as the streaks in her hair. Startling. Mesmerizing. Totally off-limits.

She smiles. “She’s coming home today. That’s why Beau isn’t here. He’s getting her settled in.”

“That’s good. I’m glad.” So, so glad. It’s like someone just lifted a stadium off my shoulders.

“Thanks for taking up the slack.” She motions with the paper. “And for helping me choose.”

“Sure. Any time.”

She starts to turn away, then comes back. “We’re still a little short around here. You’ve been so great about working over time and filling in, I hate to ask…”

“Whatever you need.”

“Since you helped me pick the case, I’d like you to take lead on it. I’ll help. It’s not like I’d be leaving you on your own. It’s just that the work you’ve been doing has been really great and I’d like you to start heading up a few cases. Jerry’s been making noises about retiring and, with Mr. Nash in semi retirement already, we really need another lead investigator around here. You’ve more than shown you can handle it. This could be a training case. Leads make more money and you’d get out of the office more. What do you say?”

I open my mouth to speak—because she clearly expects a response—but nothing comes out except a squeak. A horrible, embarrassing squeak. I cough to cover it up. She caught me totally off guard. Her eyes are hopeful and before I form the thought I’m nodding my head. What am I doing? Make it stop.

“Sure,” I say, completing the humiliation. My brain is having a meltdown. While it burns, the rest of me goes on automatic, responding totally separately from my brain. I can almost smell the smoke that is surely billowing out of my ears.

“Oh, thank you.” Cora says. Her smile fans the flames. Sirens go off in my head. “I’ll set up the appointment for us to meet with the Freedom Project staff attorney,” she continues, totally unaware of the mass casualties in my skull. “You’re going to do great. Just great.” She backs away toward the door. “I’m looking forward to working with you.”

Before I can stop her, she’s gone.

What have I done?