Atone (Recovered Innocence #2)(22)

He raises his glass. “Not yet.” The liquid disappears down his throat.

This time I leave his glass empty. “What happened?”

“We should order a pizza.” He pulls out his phone. “What do you like?”

“I’m fine.”

“Bullshit. You’re already drunk. I can tell. I’m feeding you before you pass out on me.”

“Order whatever you want. I don’t want any.”

He calls a local pizzeria and orders a large pepperoni and a large with everything and some soda. That’s too much food, I mouth. He shakes his head at me. I pour each of us another glass. Getting f*cked up is suddenly sounding like a really, really good idea.

I hold up my glass and he clinks his to mine. “To getting f*cked up.” I shoot the whole thing back and set my glass down with a giggle. “I am drunk.”

He slides the bottle out of reach. “No more for you until you eat something.”

“I love pepperoni pizza. How’d you know?”

He shrugs. “Doesn’t everybody?” Twisting his glass in his fingers, he stretches his legs out. “Why do you want to get drunk?”

Propping my chin in my hand, I lean across the table toward him. “I asked you first.”

He shoves his drink away in disgust. “My dad’s an alcoholic. I shouldn’t be drinking.”

I push it back toward him. “Fuck that. Getting drunk once doesn’t make you an alcoholic. When was the last time you got drunk?”

“Never.”

“Never?”

“Nope.”

“I don’t know why I’m judging. I’ve never been drunk before either. I guess I thought maybe you would’ve led a more exciting life than me.”

“I was always a rule follower. No underage drinking for me. Never even stole anything. Which is pretty f*cking ironic, isn’t it? Me, the convicted murderer, never even jaywalked.”

I clap a hand over my mouth to keep in a chuckle.

“Go ahead and laugh,” he says, gesturing with his glass. “It’s f*cking funny.”

Pressing my lips together, I shake my head. “It’s really not.” The giggle gets away from me and I grip my stomach, tipping over.

Beau laughs too. “No, it’s not. It f*cking sucked.”

We double over in hysterics. I’ve never seen him laugh like this before. He does it with his whole body, slapping the table and making our glasses jump. The more he laughs, the more I laugh, until I have to wave at him to stop. My stomach and face hurt. I suck in air, trying to calm down.

“You’re beautiful when you laugh,” he blurts out, startling us both with his compliment. “I mean, you’re always beautiful, just more so when you laugh. Never mind.” He grabs the bottle and drinks from it. “Forget I said that.”

I put my hand over his on the bottle. “Thank you.” I focus on the way my hand looks with his. “No one’s ever said that to me before. Not the way you just did, anyway.” I slide the bottle out of his grasp and take a swig, setting it down between us. “Your laugh makes me want to take my clothes off.” I look away, clamping my eyes shut, shocked at myself.

His hand covers mine on the bottle. “That’s the greatest f*cking thing anyone’s ever said to me.” He slips the bottle from my grip and I hear the liquid slosh as he drinks, then a thunk when he sets it back on the table. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

I don’t let my gaze go any higher than my hand over his hand around the bottle. “I can’t stop thinking about you.” It’s my turn to drink. I tilt my head back and take a big, long gulp. I wipe the back of my hand over my mouth and set the bottle between us again. I still can’t meet his gaze. “I wish I was enough for you.”

There’s a knock at the door. Beau jumps up from the table and answers it. He sets the pizza and soda on the table, pays, and closes the door. When he doesn’t take his seat right away, I turn to look up at him. He’s studying the carpet in the corner, his hands shoved deep into the front pockets of his jeans. I went too far with a game we never should’ve started.

Opening the pizza, I try to change the mood and make him forget the stupid thing I said. “Mmm, this looks good. Come and eat.” I busy myself with dividing up the napkins and pouring the soda.

He eases into the seat across from me. His serious face is back, the one heavy with regret. I hate that face.

“Don’t say anything,” I tell him. “Just eat.”

He grabs a slice with everything and bites into it. The only sounds are the traffic outside and us eating. The booze is wearing off too soon. I eye the bottle and then decide what the hell and take a drink to keep the buzz going. Beau takes it up when I set it down and does the same. By the time we finish eating, most of the bottle is gone, but the awkwardness stayed.

“You have it wrong,” he finally says. “I’m not enough for you.”

“That’s bullshit.” The alcohol makes me bold. “That’s such f*cking bullshit and you know it. I thought you were brave.”

“What made you think that?”

“You are about everything else.”

“No, I’m not. I’m just a good actor.”

“And a good liar.”