Addison (The Mitchell/Healy Family #6)(50)

This was how he repaid me – by ruining any chance of happiness for me.



Several times I attempted to reach out to Addison. Her phone would ring until it went to voicemail. I text her, so many times I knew it was redundant.

No answer.



For the next ten days I waited to hear from Addison. There were times when I wanted to get on my motorcycle and drive until I couldn’t go any further. Nothing was left for me in this town, nothing but pain.

I found a shitty motel that charged by the night to stay in, but I was looking into some small single-wide trailers to rent until I could figure out what I wanted to do, and where I wanted to end up.

On the eleventh day I couldn’t stand it anymore. I knew Addison would be at the hospital to make her rounds with the new patients, so I waited in the parking lot. The moment I saw her car pull in I felt my stomach knotting up. It didn’t matter what happened as long as I could get her to hear me out. With no regard for how she’d react, I rushed up to her, blocking her from going any further. My hands went up. “Please just hear me out.”

She hated me. I could see it in those beautiful green eyes of hers. “I have nothing to say to you.”

“Put yourself in my shoes. What would you have done?”

“I would have told you the truth from the beginning.” She was already getting emotional. “I never would have been able to live with it like you did.”

“I’ve lived with it my whole life. Do you think I like being a Chase? Do you think I get a kick out of telling people from around here my name? They all judge me because of what my uncle did to your mom. Damn it, Addison, everything I said to you was the truth. You said you were falling in love with me.”

“I was confused. I hadn’t been involved with someone since getting in the program. You took advantage of me. You said all the right things. I let you in, and all along you knew exactly who you were and what it meant to my family. You knew we couldn’t be together. God, you even hinted about it. How could I have been so stupid?”

“You’re wrong. I didn’t take anything from you. All I wanted was to be close to you. What we shared was mutual.” I reached for her and watched as she jerked her arm away.

“No. It wasn’t. I wanted it to be so much that I believed every word out of your mouth.” She shook her head. “Why are you here, Cole? What do you want?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I want you.”

She practically laughed in my face. “You need to go.”

“I’ve thought about you every second of every day since I last saw you. Does that sound like someone who used you? Please, just hear me out.”

Finally she looked right into my eyes. “Please, just go, Cole. Start your life somewhere new where you don’t have to be associated with your family. There is nothing you can say to change my mind.”

“For starters, I’m in love with you.”

Her expression was unreadable. She stood there in a daze, like she hadn’t heard me, even though I knew she had.

“Say something.”

“I need to go inside. I have work to do.”

“I never lied about my feelings. Everything you felt, I felt it too. You can deny it now, but I know it’s real. I can’t change where I came from. I knew that from the start. It’s why I didn’t want to tell you. The longer we were together, the more I wanted to be someone else. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I can’t be the man you need me to be. I’m sorry I f*cked everything up. I’m sorry I’ll never be the guy you can bring home to daddy.”

I had to walk away. People were starting to look at us and I didn’t want to jeopardize what she had going at the hospital. I knew how important it was to her.

I don’t know why I expected her to come running after me. I played it out in my head like the chick-flick movies we used to watch together. When I looked back she was gone. I suppose I deserved as much. She’d made it clear we were over. She wanted me to start a new life somewhere else.

It sucked feeling like I was being rejected again. Everyone I’d ever loved in my life had thrown me away like the trash. I don’t know why I continued thinking that could change; why I thought someone would ever love me.

I didn’t understand how some people went through life having so much. Why had I been born to someone who never wanted me; someone who prefers a bottle or crack pipe over being a mother?

Addison was dedicating her life to help others, but she’d never be able to tell me why I couldn’t catch a break. She’d never be able to help me figure out why I fell for her so fast, or why I knew I’d probably never experience what we shared with anyone else. It was another devastating blow to add to my already failed attempts at a normal life.

Before I left the parking lot I took something out of my bag. I couldn’t believe I’d kept it for so long. I wrote a little note on the edge and tucked it under her windshield wiper. Even if she hated me forever, I wanted her to have something to remember our short time together. I wanted her to always know that it was real, not some sick head game meant as a vendetta. She needed to know what we had was pure and innocent. It wasn’t based on anyone else’s lives, or the sins they committed. It was just us; two people connected by a force neither of us could explain.

It took a while for me to calm down and head to work. When I got there I went directly to my station and started drawing up some designs. It was difficult to stay focused when I remained in a fowl mood. Every once in a while I’d check my phone to find not one single call or message. In all of my life I’d never felt so alone.