Addicted to the Duke (Imperfect Lords #1)(65)
She untangled her arm and stroked his hair. “Better than I ever dreamed.”
They lay there content to bathe in the warmth and intimacy of the moment.
“I’ve wanted you for a long time,” he whispered. “I just never thought it would ever happen. Or should happen.”
“Because of my father. Why is it he is so against our match?”
“Let’s not spoil the magic with talk of the past.”
She snuggled closer. “Then let’s talk of our future.”
“You are choosing me?” he asked in wonder.
“Of course, silly.” She hated to break the wonderful closeness but she could not help it. “But you will let me turn David down my way.”
He raised his head and looked at her with distress. “No. It is my place. I was the one who—”
She cupped his cheek. “My darling man, you did nothing that I did not encourage you to do. It will be better for David coming from me. I need to explain that it would not have been fair to accept his offer because he deserves a woman who can love him. My heart belongs to you.”
She waited with her breath held for him to say the words back but they never came. Instead he asked, “So does that mean you will marry me?”
She could use the hope she saw in his face. She could agree only if he gave up the idea of avenging Tulay, but she’d seen his nightmares. Seen that something haunted him, and knew to deny him his chance to do what his conscience dictated would perhaps destroy him in the end.
The question she had to ask herself was what was fair to Alex. A haunted life, but at least a life, or to let him take his chance to erase his nightmares by killing Murad. If Murad won…She was selfish enough to want Alex at any cost, but she loved him enough to want him to heal. Could he heal without his revenge?
She rolled onto her side and propped up on her elbow while she trailed her fingers over his heart. “I will marry you.” He let out a rush of breath and pulled her head down to kiss her. When he finally let her go she added, “But I ask one thing of you in return.”
“Don’t ask me not to go after Murad.”
She shook her head. “I have no right to ask that of you because it is about your past, your life, and therefore your decision. All I was going to ask is that you truly think about the choice you are making. We could have a beautiful life together. If I am with child it could end up never knowing its father.”
He sat up and all but leapt off the bed. “Don’t you think I know that?” He paced her small cabin.
“I don’t mean to upset you, but sometimes the best way to forget the horrors of the past is to look forward. Prove to your enemy that you are the master of your destiny and nothing they did to you could break your spirit to survive.”
He stopped in the middle of the room and stared at her. “Is that how you got over your ordeal at Murad’s hands?”
Her face flushed with heat. “I realize my abduction and imprisonment was for merely a few days, but I was young, and I sometimes still have nightmares.”
He looked away and sighed. “I did not mean to trivialize your experience. I was merely trying to point out that while you were a captive for a few days, I was held somewhat longer and spent far too much time in Murad’s company.”
The hairs at her nape stood on end at the belligerent tone. She had to try…“Perhaps it might help if you talked about your—captivity?”
His eyes when they found hers were flat and cold. “If I told you what Murad did to me, to others, it would make you sick to your stomach with disgust, and I assure you, you’d never have another peaceful night’s sleep.”
She pulled the sheet tightly around her, fully able to believe his words.
“I should go. You need sleep and I need to…I need to organize my affairs so that this marriage can take place and be recognized in England. You are not safe unless it is witnessed correctly. I do not want anyone to be able to say the marriage is void or did not take place.”
The search for his clothes gave her plenty of time to consider her next words. She waited for him to dress before asking, “You will leave David to me?”
He pushed his hair off his face and turned to open the cabin door, his back to her. “I’ll let you talk to him first, but I owe him an explanation—and an apology.”
He peered into the corridor before slipping out and closing the door softly behind him.
Hestia sat with the sheet wrapped around her for what seemed like hours. Her heart was soaring. He did care for her. He could not let her marry David, he wanted her for himself. Her smile faded and she lay back on the bunk. The sheet still held his scent and she breathed deep. Her brain kept saying over and over: want did not equate with love.
Could she settle for want when love was her goal?
She rolled onto her side and hugged the pillow.
If he could learn to live with the ghosts of his past, he might grow to love her. It was a risk, but one she did want to take.
On a groan she thought of the conversation she would have with David. She hoped David hadn’t fallen in love with her.
Chapter 18
Hestia’s joy regarding her upcoming nuptials, and the fact she was on land once again, was tempered by the conversation she knew was coming with David.
When they had first sailed toward the Corfu coastline, heading to the fishing village of Pentati, Hestia thought they were sailing straight into the cliffs. But as they drew closer to land she saw a hidden gap in the sheer wall of rock. Unless you knew it was there you’d miss it. Apparently the channel was very deep, but not deep enough for the Angelica to sail through. The ship would remain at anchor. Alex had sent a rowboat through the gap and Costa had met them with one of his smaller ships.