Actual Stop (Agent O’Connor #1)(67)

“You mean what I said about loving you for the rest of my life?” That was the only thing worth recollecting.

Allison nodded but still wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Yes.”

I waited for another question. She didn’t ask one. “What about it?”

“Did you mean that?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer. I’d meant it when I said it. I loved deeply and loved forever. But I was reluctant to admit that now. And since our future was uncertain, what would she think of my answer?

“I did,” I finally said.

She inhaled and hesitated, tensing. Her arms tightened around her middle. Was she wavering, possibly trying to decide whether to pursue that line of questioning? Not being able to see directly into her eyes, it was tough for me to tell. She took another deep breath. “Do you?”

I blinked. Was she asking me if I still loved her? It sounded like it. It also sounded almost like she was dreading the answer. My pulse raced, and I was so nervous I was physically ill. I definitely hadn’t seen this conversation coming.

In a perfect world, I’d declare my love for her, she’d return the sentiment, and we’d live happily ever after. But this wasn’t a perfect world. It was real life. I was having a hard time letting go of the past, and I wasn’t keen to open myself up to let her hurt me again. Now I clenched my fists in the bedsheet. I wasn’t ready for this. Why the hell had I come up here again?

“Where are you going with this?” I asked.

Allison finally looked at me, her eyes narrowed. She studied me, as though trying to determine whether I was being a smart-ass. Her dark look made me uneasy, and I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly bone-dry.

“Just trying to figure out what a declaration of love from you means, that’s all.”

“What?”

“Well, you fell in love with the girl you started seeing immediately after me pretty damn fast. Do you just say that to anyone or did it really mean something?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t even go on a date until almost a year after you left NYFO.” I felt like a total loser even admitting that much. I didn’t mention that she’d just watched the only real relationship I’d ever actually attempted dissolve. No need to play all my cards at once, right?

Allison looked angry now, and I winced initially, but then my stubborn pride kicked in. What the hell was she so angry about? She’d dumped me. Hard. And then she’d left New York. I hadn’t heard from her until a few days ago. How dare she question me about what I’d done or with whom and when?

“Don’t lie to me, Ryan. I deserve better.”

How had we ended up here? I didn’t even know what she was accusing me of.

“Allison, I’d never lie to you about something like this. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Allison’s shrewd, calculating stare went on so long I wondered if she was about to toss me out of her hotel room on my ass and in my birthday suit. I struggled to stay calm and remain focused. I would not allow myself to get carried away by becoming all emotional.

She finally spoke. “I heard you.” She turned away from me and rubbed tiredly at her forehead.

“You heard me what?”

She slammed her hand back onto the bed and clenched the sheet at her side in a rough fist again. “My last day in New York, before I left for D.C., I came by your office. I…I wanted to say good-bye.”

I nodded. The memory was bittersweet. “Okay.”

“You were on the phone with someone. Someone named Ashley. You told her you loved her. And you made sure to emphasize her name.”

Who was Ashley? Why was Allison so sure she’d heard me declare my love for her? “What the hell are you talking about? Why would you think I’d make sure to emphasize the name? That doesn’t even make any sense.”

Allison’s huff sounded irritated. “You’re telling me you didn’t know I was standing there? You didn’t say that on purpose just to hurt me? To ensure I knew you’d moved on?”

“You thought I was trying to hurt you? Nice. That’s great. Thank you.”

“It was the only explanation that made any sense.”

“Why would you even care? We’d been broken up for months. What difference could it have made to you?”

“Just because we’d broken up, do you think I was okay with you rubbing some woman named Ashley in my face?”

I stopped. I didn’t know anyone by that name. I’d never known anyone named Ashley. Allison must’ve heard wrong because—

The phone rang, and I looked to Allison as though she could tell me who was calling and why. She looked as surprised as I felt, and I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. A call at this time of night was never a good thing.

“Is that your phone or mine?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” She crawled out of bed and padded over to the desk. We’d just been arguing, so I shouldn’t have been distracted by the smorgasbord of delectable flesh on display, but I was.

Allison looked down at her phones and then turned back to me and shook her head. “Not mine.”

I groaned and rolled out of bed, then followed the ringing sound. Sure enough, it was coming from my purse, which was still on the floor near the door. I cursed and retrieved it, hoping it was a wrong number or someone had butt-dialed me. The name on the caller ID shattered those dreams.