A Quiet Kind of Thunder(37)

He frowns. ‘It’s just luck that I’m here and so many aren’t. I want to pay it back.’

‘Well, maybe by the time you’re qualified they won’t need so many doctors,’ I say.

I realize what a stupid thing this is to say the second after I’ve spoken, partly because I hear the words come out of my mouth and partly because Karam makes a face like I just vomited into his lap.

‘Rhys wants to be a games developer,’ I say, my voice coming out a little shrill. I look at Rhys. ‘Tell them about wanting to be a games developer.’

Rhys blinks at me, then turns obediently to Karam and Tem. ‘I want to be a games developer.’

‘Cool,’ Karam says, nodding. ‘Want kind of games?’

‘Video games,’ Rhys says.

‘Cool,’ Karam says again. ‘I wish I had more time for games. I used to play them more when I was a kid. All the Mario games, you know?’

Rhys has a genial, placid smile on his face, so I have no idea if he’s offended by the implication that video games are for kids. ‘Me too,’ he says. ‘They’re great.’

‘What kind of games should I look out for?’ Karam asks.

I leave them to it and scoot closer to Tem, who is making quick work of her vodka and lemonade. ‘Hi,’ she whispers, giving one of my panda ears a friendly tug. ‘How’s it going, Panda Two?’

I look over at Rhys, who’s leaning on to his right knee, watching Karam’s face intently as he talks. With his mime make-up on, he looks like he’s taking part in some kind of screwball comedy sketch.

‘Great,’ I say. ‘It’s going great.’

After a while, Tem and Karam excuse themselves to ‘go and check the alcohol situation’ and leave Rhys and me alone together on the blanket again. The garden lamps that had been shining since we’d first sat down must be solar-powered, because they’ve dimmed so much now it’s getting harder to see Rhys’s face. We’ve given up trying to have a conversation as we normally would and have arranged ourselves so I am sitting between his legs, my back against his stomach, my head leaning back against his warm chest. Rhys is holding his phone out between us.

Rhys:

Yours is the best costume



Steffi:

No, yours is



Yours! Mine’s barely a costume.

I’m a mime every day.



A cute mime



Just cute?



Very cute.



Anything else?



Steffi:

Handsome?



Rhys:

Getting warmer



I laugh, wrestle the phone from him and start to reply, but he yanks it back and we end up sprawled over the blanket, all lips and tongues and hands.

I’m so distracted by all of this that he manages to grab hold of the phone, scuttle away from me and write a new message. When he turns to show it to me, the glow of the phone lights up his face. He seems suddenly shy and unsure. The message says: Will you be my girlfriend?

My whole body goes ZING! but I frown thoughtfully, as if I’m considering. I take the phone from his nervous fingers and pretend to type back a long message. The longer I pretend, the more alarmed he looks.

When I finally turn the phone around, it takes him less than a second to read the three letters on screen. Y.E.S. His eyes lift to meet mine and I’m ready for him. Obviously, I sign.

Rhys leans forward and cups my chin in his hand. It’s a movement I’ve seen in films, read in books, imagined so many thousands of times you’d think it wouldn’t be a surprise. But it is. It feels unique even though I know it isn’t. It feels special even though a gesture like this is surely a cliché. It still feels like it belongs to us.

We kiss for a while and then head back into the house together, hand in hand, to get fresh drinks. The kitchen has emptied since we were last here, and from the sounds coming from the living room most people have moved in there. Karam is leaning against the counter talking to a boy wearing a hockey jersey and a mask pulled up to rest on the top of his head. He catches my eye and smiles in the automatic way friendly people smile at people they recognize, and lifts his hand in an acknowledging wave. His smile is warm and easy, and I realize I understand why Tem likes him so much.

This thought makes me wonder where Tem is, then remember how she once told me that her strategy was never to be ‘too clingy’ at parties with boys she likes. But still, I’m sure it won’t be long before she’s back by his side, wherever she is.

Are you having a good time? Rhys asks me.

I nod, an uncontrollable smile spreading over my face. Are you?

He touches my hand. Definitely.

I don’t add what I’m thinking, which is that this is the first time I’ve gone to a party (or really anything remotely social) where I haven’t gone off to hide in the bathroom and cry. There’s being open and honest with your boyfriend, and then there’s just overshare. Yours is the best costume here, I say instead.

He laughs. You’re just saying that because you’re my girlfriend.

‘Hey!’ Karam has come to stand beside us. ‘How’s it going?’

Rhys gives him a thumbs up and smiles. Karam glances at me, and I nod enthusiastically. The silent duo.