A Quiet Kind of Thunder(40)

‘Paw,’ I murmur into her ear.

Rita lifts a paw to Rhys and his whole face lights up. He takes it, beaming at me, and gives it a little shake.

See, she likes you! I say, getting to my feet and curling my fingers through the coil of Rita’s lead. Come on. Let’s go for a walk.

Later, he meets my dad and Lucy. Dad is guarded but polite, squinting at Rhys under his glasses at every opportunity. Lucy seems pleased to have someone to host and has made a beef Wellington in honour of the occasion. Both of them, adorably, try to use sign language to talk to Rhys. It’s not the greatest success ever, but I can tell Rhys doesn’t mind.

A few hours later, Mum calls. ‘So when am I going to meet this new boyfriend of yours?’ I love how she says ‘new’, as if he’s the latest in a long line instead of the first boy I’ve ever even kissed.

I turn my phone away from my mouth so I can sigh, then return it to speak. ‘How did you know about that?’

‘Your father told me. It’s just the kind of information every mother loves to hear from her ex-husband. Her teenage daughter’s milestones.’

Is she teasing or berating me? I really can’t tell.

‘I was going to tell you,’ I say. ‘When I saw you.’

‘Steffi, any news that makes you happy I want to hear immediately,’ she says. ‘Even small things. But especially big things, like first boyfriends.’

‘I’ll tell you about the next one,’ I say. I’m joking, but even the thought makes me feel disloyal to Rhys.

‘Can I meet him?’ she prompts. ‘How about the two of you come over for dinner on Friday?’

‘I’ll see if he’s free,’ I say. I can decide if I’ll tell him about this phone call later.

Sunday evening

rhysespieces: do you believe in god?

stefstef: no. do you?

rhysespieces: i don’t know. i think so.

stefstef: is your family religious?

rhysespieces: we go to church, but not massively.

rhysespieces: i definitely believe in life after death stefstef: really?

rhysespieces: yeah. you don’t?

stefstef: i’d like to. i wish i could believe i’d see clark again.

stefstef: or that he’s somewhere good, still keeping an eye on me rhysespieces: he might be

stefstef: mmm.

rhysespieces: you surprise me. i didn’t have you pegged as a sceptic ?

stefstef: just too realistic, maybe?

rhysespieces: energy doesn’t disappear. it changes. and we’re energy, right? ?

stefstef: ? that’s a nice idea rhysespieces: can i ask you about clark?

stefstef: no need, i can guess the questions. he was my stepbrother. he died in a car accident on the way home from his first year at uni.

rhysespieces: shit

stefstef: the guy in the other car had a heart attack at the wheel and rammed him head on. clark didn’t have a chance. but it wasn’t the other guy’s fault.

rhysespieces: did he die too?

stefstef: yeah.

rhysespieces: that must have been awful stefstef: it was.

rhysespieces: were you guys close?

stefstef: no one could have had a better stepbrother. can we talk about something else?

rhysespieces: of course. i’m sorry xxx stefstef: how’s alfie?

rhysespieces: he’s good. how’s rita?

stefstef: she’s sulking because i haven’t taken her for a walk yet.

rhysespieces: poor rita. you should do that.

stefstef: yeah, i guess i should. at least it’s stopped raining.

rhysespieces: want some company?

stefstef: is the company you?

rhysespieces: yes.

stefstef: then yes ?

rhysespieces: on my way.

stefstef: xxxx

rhysespieces: xxxx

Monday

rhysespieces: can i ask you something?

stefstef: of course! we still have the pact, right? ?

rhysespieces: yeah! ok so, you know how when you’re with my family you sign while you talk out loud?

stefstef: yeah . . .

rhysespieces: how come you don’t do that with your friends?

stefstef: um, god, i don’t know . . . is that really bad? have i done something wrong?

rhysespieces: no! i’m just asking, honestly stefstef: i havent even thought about it stefstef: should i sign as well? it’s just because they don’t know BSL, so i guess i just didn’t think i needed to?

rhysespieces: i know, but the BSL would be for me . . . you know?

stefstef: i’m sorry ??? i thought you read lips when you’re in the hearing world rhysespieces: i do, but because i have to, not cos i want to stefstef: oh

rhysespieces: like, i miss so much of what’s going on in a group if people are talking. you know at karam’s halloween party? you guys were talking away and i basically had no idea what was going on stefstef: i feel awful

rhysespieces: i’m not trying to make you feel bad. i just wanted to check that it wasn’t me.

stefstef: ??

rhysespieces: that you weren’t . . . you know. ashamed of it. of me.

stefstef: WHAT?! NO.

stefstef: do you really think that??

rhysespieces: not now i’ve spoken to you. but you wouldn’t be the first hearing person who gets embarrassed about signing in public stefstef: why would anyone be embarrassed?