A Missing Heart(83)

Dad drops down in the chair, looking like the blood has been stolen from his face. He rests his head in his hand and breathes in and out slowly, but heavily at the same time.

Cammy has her hand locked over her mouth, and Ever is looking at me as if I were a ghost. She shouldn’t be in here. She’s been through too much already. Gavin doesn’t understand any of this, but she does.

“Are there any complications involved?” Cammy asks.

“He didn’t say, but without having much of a choice here, I think I’d rather go into this unaware of possible complications, especially since I have to be awake.”

Cammy shakes her head with understanding, though I’m pretty sure she’s not really understanding, because I’m having a hard time wrapping my own head around all of this myself.

“AJ, I want to know what this doctor’s credentials are,” Mom says, while rubbing Dad’s shoulder. “Where did Hunter just go?”

Knowing Hunter, he’s already found a doctor to lay into.

“Okay, folks, I’m going to cut this short once again,” the nurse says. “We need to prepare AJ for surgery now. As soon as he’s out and recovering, someone will give you all an update.”

Cammy leans over and places a kiss on my forehead. “Think of buying a house we can play Mommy and Daddy in. We’ll have a wooden swing hanging from a large tree in the back yard. Think about that the whole time. Think about us—your family, how we made it through every odd there was. Okay?” she whispers.

I take her arm, squeezing it gently. “Do you think I’ll make it through these odds?”

She grits her teeth firmly and I hear her swallow hard, seemingly trying her best to keep positive for my sake. “I know you will,” she says.

“Thank you for saying that,” I tell her, releasing her arm.

Ever gives me a quick hug and places her head on my chest. “I lost one dad, but you’re my real dad, and I can’t lose you too. I wouldn’t get over it so easily this time.”

Her words break me in half, split me down the center, and leave me lying helplessly in a puddle of nothing. “Ever, do you know what your name means?”

She shrugs with a tear forming in the corner of her eye. “I don’t know. I never questioned it, I guess.”

“The last thing your dad said to you before you were given away was that you were his everything,” Cammy says.

“Someone didn’t think Everything was a great name, so it was shortened to Ever,” I chime in.

“I’m everything?” she asks quietly.

“You are everything to us,” I tell her.

Ever breaks down into tears, and Cammy wraps her arm around her while she leans over to let Gavin give me a kiss. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, buddy.” I wasn’t supposed to have to keep saying goodbyes. The days of goodbyes were supposed to be over. Why won’t they stop?

Mom is short on words but gives me a kiss and looks me in the eyes to tell me I don’t have a choice on whether or not I come out the other side. “I will hunt you down and bring you back here, Andrew, do you understand me?” she asks, trying her hardest to remain strong, though her voice is cracking with every word.

Dad is even shorter on words. He squeezes my arm and gives me a kiss on the forehead, muttering a quiet, “I love you, son,” before making his way out of the room.

Hunter is still missing, but he makes his appearance right as the nurse comes in to change my IV into the sedation liquid or whatever it is. “He’s a good doctor. I have faith in him. He’s going to get you through this, and you are going to come out of the surgery just fine. Do you understand me? You are coming out of this, AJ. You have no choice.”

“I wouldn’t put you through this again,” I tell him shamelessly, knowing what little control I have over this situation.

The minutes pass and the world becomes a blur as the sedatives kick in. I don’t feel much, sensation-wise. It’s like I’m numb inside and out. The nurses and doctors are speaking to me but it sounds more like gibberish than anything else.

I know I’m moving down a hall, but I can’t figure out how slow or fast I’m going. We pull into a room, and it looks like a fuzzy blur of white and metal liquefying together. I know I’m awake, but I feel as though I might as well be asleep with as incoherent as I am. I’d rather not think much, and I’d rather not hear what’s happening or feel anything.

The seconds and minutes blur together and the sounds around me are like a muted construction site situated a mile away. My breathing is labored, but I feel calm, considering what’s happening to the outside and inside of my head.

I’m moving again, still unaware of the speed in which I’m going, and I’m not sure where we’re going this time.





CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR


I HAVE CARRIED A lot of guilt and blame around with me for years, but this is as much as I can possibly handle. I should have fought my parents when they forced me to give up Ever. I should have fought my parents when they forced me to leave Connecticut. I should have fought my fears when I decided to cut AJ out of my life at eighteen. I should have begged him to come with me earlier this year when I was fighting for parental rights. I should have told him to put his seatbelt on last week. It’s all me. Every single thing that has gone wrong is because of me. Yet, he doesn’t look at me that way. He understands everything. I don’t deserve him.