A Lover's Lament(63)

“I feel it, Katie.”

Everything around me blurs as tears fill my eyes. “You do? Because I feel it, and it’s powerful and overwhelming and I thought I had moved past it, and then all of a sudden, there it was again, and ... ”

Devin sighs, a rush of air sounding through the phone. “God, Katie. I don’t know how to explain it, but you’re not alone. I feel the same way, only I knew that I never moved past it. Believe me, I tried because I thought it was best, but it’s always been there for me. Why do you think I was so quick to reply to your letter when I tossed all the other letters away?” My heart constricts. I had no idea he’d tossed other letters away ... he didn’t tell me that. “And yes, it’s powerful and overwhelming, but in a good way. Christ, what we had … I’d never felt anything like it before, and now, there just aren’t words for it.”

I sniff, wiping my face with my arm. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that. I didn’t know … I thought maybe it was just me. That maybe I was making it so much more than it was—”

“It’s everything.” His voice grows thick with emotion. “Whatever this is between us … it’s big, Katie. Bigger than you, bigger than me … and ten years hasn’t changed that.”

“So, what now?”

“I don’t know.” If it’s at all possible, his voice seems lighter, as though a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. “But I think that I’m going to like figuring it out.”

My lips lift at the corners, a grin splitting my face. “Yeah?”

“Definitely.”

“Well, okay then. So call me when you can?”

“Soon. I promise.”

My heart soars as I let go of all the insecurities I was having about Devin. I know that when I lay my head down tonight, he’ll consume my dreams. “Goodnight.”

“Katie?”

“Still here. You’ll totally have to hang up first.”

His boisterous laugh fills the room—and my heart. “I’ll hang up first, not because I want to but because I’m f*ckin’ exhausted and I have to be up in like three hours. But I need to tell you something.”

“What’s that?” Pushing my foot on the floor, I rock back in the chair, completely content and happy. For the first time in a long time, I feel genuinely happy.

“It was your eyes.” Adrenaline pumps through my veins. Warmth radiates throughout my body and the smile that’s been plastered to my face since hearing his voice again … yup, it just got a little bit bigger. Devin clears his throat. “You’ve always been gorgeous, Katie, and I knew that no amount of time would change that. But from the first time I laid eyes on you in the first grade, it’s always been your eyes. And when I get to see you again—and I will get to see you again—I’ll tell you exactly why they’ve always captivated me.”

“Or now … you could tell me now.”

“Some things need to be said in person.” I can hear him smiling through the phone. “Katie?”

“Yes?”

“I’m so sorry for hurting you.” His voice cracks on the last word, and that crack resonates all the way to my soul. “I’ll never be able to—”

“I forgive you.” Once again, the words rush from my mouth before I have any time to think about them. But I’m okay with it, because right now I feel so incredibly light as my heart flops over inside my chest.

Devin breathes heavily into the phone for several seconds. “Goodnight, Katie.” I get the feeling he’d stay on all night if he could.

“Goodnight, Devin,” I say with hesitation. The click and buzz of the dead line sends my heart plummeting into my stomach because I have no idea when I’ll get to talk to him again.

Visions of that news story I saw the other day flash through my head.

If I’ll ever get to talk to him again.





“The Proof of Your Love” – For King and Country

I’M BUZZING. MY WHOLE FUCKING body is buzzing and her voice still rings in my ears as I return the phone to its cradle. I can hardly fight the smile that’s streaked wide across my face, so much so that my cheeks are aching. How can someone thousands of miles away make me feel this … this … euphoric? And how in the hell I’m supposed to concentrate on anything else now is beyond me.

Stepping out of headquarters, I head toward our tents, wondering what she’s doing at this very moment. It makes me sound like a f*cking * considering I just got off the phone with her, but what can I say, the girl makes me stupid. She makes me think and feel things that I haven’t let myself think or feel in a long-ass time—things like marriage, kids, love, and a future away from here. A future where I can go to bed with her gorgeous body wrapped around mine and wake up every morning to her beautiful face. Those are the things I’m thinking of, the things I’m dreaming of, and the things I’m determined to make happen, because what I feel for Katie surpasses normal human reasoning. I have to make it back to her. I have to feel her in my arms and make her mine. There isn’t any other option.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” a voice calls out just as I’m about to enter the tent. I look over my shoulder, and under the moonlight I see Navas seated by the fire pit with a half-smoked cigar clenched between his fingers. I stop in my tracks, then spin around and walk toward him. Hooking my foot around the leg of a chair, I pull it toward his and take a seat.