A Lover's Lament(111)

Lifting up on my elbow, I stretch my neck, peppering kisses across his jaw. “I love you so much. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anyone. Please wake up, baby,” I cry. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise. As long as you’re here, I’m here. As long as you’re fighting, I’m fighting. I’ll fight with you and for you. I’ll be your rock, and I’ll love you and talk to you and bring you back from the darkness, just like you brought me back.” Tilting my head a bit further, I touch my lips to his, hating how dry they feel—how cold they feel.

“I want to marry you,” I whisper against his mouth. “Marry me, Devin. Wake up, heal, and then marry me. Let me love you and take care of you and show you what a real family is like. And let’s have babies, okay?” My voice breaks on a sob and I pull back, wiping the wetness from my face. “Lots and lots of babies. I want sweet little boys with your big green eyes and thick dark lashes. Our little girl will have your dark hair and your smile.” I close my eyes, picturing it in my head. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling it’s a girl. “And your laugh,” I whisper, the thought causing a hint of a smile to tug at my mouth. “She’ll have your laugh. And she’s going to love you and worship you, and I know that you’re going to be the best daddy in the world.”

“Katie.”

The deep, gravelly voice startles me and my eyes pop open, instantly landing on the figure standing in the doorway. I blow out a slow breath at the sight of him.

Full lips drawn tight, red-rimmed eyes filling with tears, his face is packed full of emotion. I know that, right now, he needs me just as much as I need him.

“Navas.” Sliding off the bed, I move toward him. He meets me halfway and I walk straight into his waiting arms. “Hi,” I whisper, burying my face in his shirt. He doesn’t respond, but his hold on me tightens. His broad shoulders bounce when a cry rumbles from deep in his lungs. Linking my arms around his neck, I give him what he needs … someone to hold on to, someone to give him hope. We stand there for a long time, but I don’t let go, not until he pulls away.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, taking a step back. “That probably wasn’t the best way to introduce myself.”

“Well, you’ve seen me naked …” I shrug and give him a what-can-you-do look. A choked laugh falls from Navas’s mouth and then he shakes his head, running a hand down his face.

“Devin about f*cking killed me for that. Sorry, by the way,” he says, averting his eyes. A crimson flush creeps up his neck, and I get a feeling that there isn’t much that’ll make this man blush.

“You’re forgiven.” Slipping my hand in his, I lead him toward the bed. “Now, will you please fill me in on what’s going on? The doctor won’t be in until the morning and I’m so f*cking lost.” My nose burns with impending tears and I squeeze my eyes shut, listening as Navas starts to talk. I’m not sure if I take it all in, but I certainly hear the important parts.

“There was an explosion … damage to his legs … brain injury … needs a bilateral below-the-knee amputation …” I don’t hear a thing after that.

Reaching out, I yank up the blanket that’s covering Devin. His legs are wrapped up, but they’re there. Oh, thank God, I think to myself. I must’ve heard him wrong. “What was that about an amputation?” I ask, trying to clear the cobwebs. I’m still running on pure adrenaline and probably seconds away from dropping flat on my face.

“He’s going in tomorrow morning for surgery. They can’t save his legs, Katie. Trust me, they’ve tried. But right now, Devin’s only chance of survival is to have them removed.” Navas’s words are slow and precise, as though he knows I’m on the verge of losing it.

“I can’t believe this,” I say, dropping to a chair next to the bed. I look down at where Devin’s legs are tucked under the covers, and then my eyes lift to Navas.

“He’ll get through it,” he says, conviction ringing loud in his words. “Devin is a stubborn son of a bitch, and he loves you more than life itself. Trust me, he will be okay. And we’ll get each other through this so that we can strong for him, okay?” I nod feebly and Navas grips my hand in his. We watch Devin for several minutes, neither one of saying a word and one thing weighing heavily on my mind … one thing I’m desperate to tell someone.

“I’m pregnant!” I blurt.

Navas’s eyes widen, his jaw falling slack and his gaze dropping to my stomach. “You’re … pregnant?” he asks, looking at me.

My heart is lodged in the center of my throat and I can’t seem to form words, so I simply nod. The thought of not getting to share this with Devin is too much and my emotions erupt. “I need him, Navas. I can’t do this by myself … I don’t want to do this by myself.”

“Stop,” he says, cupping my face in his hand. “You need to tell Devin. The first chance you get, you need to tell him. This will give him something to fight for, something to hold on to. But you can’t talk like that again. It isn’t good for you, and it isn’t good for the baby.”

I nod again, wiping the tears from my face.

“But I want you to know that you will never do this alone. Got it? Because no matter what happens, you have me, and I’m not going anywhere.”