A Kingpin Love Affair: The Complete series(31)
“I know the last three years I have been hard on you, wanting you to be the person I grew up with, so much so that every time I called or came over, I ended up telling you to get your shit together instead of giving you actual advice. But I want to tell you something, something that has changed how I look at things over the years. Something that turned me from that person, the Mafia King, who didn’t give two f*cks who’s blood he spilled, into just Alzerro King.” I wanted to roll my eyes and tell him to shut up, but instead, I stopped myself wondering what kind of advice he wanted to give me. Then he opened his mouth and something I had never heard came out.
“Fear is only what you make of it. What you fear isn’t really something you’re scared of, but something you think you are afraid of. Imagine everything you have ever wanted in your life is on the other side of that fear... What are you going to do to get to it? Conquer that fear or risk the chance of losing everything—of losing her?” My eyes grew wide, the air in my chest evaporated, and my heartbeat accelerated. I could feel the desire to flee taking over.
“Don’t even think about it.” His hand landed heavily on my shoulder, keeping me in place. Grounding me.
“I can’t be at risk of losing something that was never mine,” I growled. Being alone was always for the best when it came to me. It was easier to hide the pain than to face it head on.
“She was yours the moment I told you to protect her. I saw the look in your eyes, Jared. Lie to yourself, to her, but you can’t lie to me because I see in you what I once felt within myself. The desire to be healed. I don’t know what you’re battling deep down inside of yourself, but I promise you if you open yourself up, she’ll be the one to heal you.” Misery, suffering, and rage were what I was battling deep within me. I was broken, the pain killing me slowly.
“I don’t want your advice. I don’t want to be told how to love someone. I just want to be left the f*ck alone.” I threw a twenty down on the bar and got my keys out of my pocket. Being home with Isabella might cause a thousand and one emotions to flow through me, but listening to Zerro talk about ways to heal my nonexistent heart was pissing me off far more than that.
“You’re welcome.” He threw the remark over his shoulder as I headed toward the bar entrance. Forcing myself outside and away from him, I drank in the night, allowing deep breaths of air to filter into my lungs. My head was a mess, my body begging me to give it things it desired.
Jumping on my bike, I started it and revved the engine allowing the noise to fill me. You got this. You know what’s best for you, not anyone else. Zooming off like a bat out of hell, I headed home weaving in and out of traffic as I went. Five minutes later, I pulled into my driveway. All the lights in the house were off and there was no music blaring from inside like last time. This time, there was only quietness and peace, both things settling deep into my bones.
I cut the engine and then hopped off my bike, walking to the front door. My hand gripped the metal door handle tightly. It was cold and solid, bringing me back to the present. I reached in my pocket, removing my key and unlocking the door. With a twist of the knob, I entered the house only to discover it looked as if no one was here. My heart ached, a twisting feeling growing in my belly. What if she left?
Something told me there would be no coming back from that. I might have been trying to push her away, to make her see I had nothing to offer, but pushing her as far as making her leave was never my intention. Did I push her too far this time? The twisting in my stomach grew more and more as I walked around the house. Nothing was out of place, yet the walls held an alarming eerie quietness to them.
Whipping my jacket off, I headed toward her room, my booted feet heavy against the wood floor. I have to know, I thought as I came to a halt at her door. It was slightly opened, but no sounds of peaceful slumber could be heard through it.
Lifting my hand unsteadily, I pushed it open the rest of the way. My eyes landing on her empty bed. It was made, sheets pulled up, and it looked as if no one had even attempted to lay in it.
“Fuck!” I said loudly, slamming my fist into the wall. Fuck. Had I really pushed the only good thing to happen in my life away? My feet pounded back down the hallway toward my bedroom. Rage surged through my veins as I all but knocked the bedroom door open, barely noticing the sleeping form in my bed. The blankets were pulled up to her shoulders and she was curled into herself.
She stirred slightly, and I cursed myself for being such a reckless *. I had failed to check the entire house before slamming shit around, before making a rash decision to do something stupid. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I removed my boots and clothes. Once just in my boxers, I pulled the covers back, my cock growing hard with every slip of the fabric off her skin. My eyes lingered on her bare back and then down where I found a shapely ass that was, in fact, naked. Fucking Christ.
I gripped my hair hard. She was playing games with me—f*cking with my head and messing with my heart. This was no longer the game of who could push who harder, no—now we’re on the verge of dangerous territory. She wanted to give herself to me, or at least it seemed that way. Instead of crawling into bed with her and sliding between her warm thighs, I walked to the other side of the bed, shaking her softly. Her eyes popped open immediately, they, of course, were heavy with sleep, but there was something more underneath. The look was smoldering, devouring even as if she would do whatever she could to get a taste of me.