A Kingpin Love Affair: The Complete series(28)

I heard the slamming of the front door and the roar of the motorcycle as it was brought to life. The noise reminded me of the time we spent on it together just today. I had felt as if we were growing closer to one another, learning who the person hiding in the dark inside of us truly was. But now I see we really weren’t.

“You’re so dumb, Isabella…” I muttered into the air, frustrated I had allowed him pass my walls. He knew what I had been through yet he acted as he did? I tried to tell myself it had everything to do with being scared and afraid of the unknown, but in reality, I wasn’t sure what it was.

Once again, I was stuck sitting here alone and in my thoughts because he walked away from me. Minutes ticked by, my stomach growling as a faint reminder of the fact that I hadn’t even eaten dinner yet.

“If I told you that leaving was his fight or flight mechanism, would you believe me?” Bree’s soft voice met my ears as I swung around toward the door of my bedroom. I must’ve been so wrapped up in what I was feeling, what Jared had caused me to feel that I failed to hear her come in.

“I would because he seems to fight against everything good in his life,” I said truthfully. Her eyes sparkled with amusement as she smiled at me in understanding. We were both on the same page when it came to Jared.

“His past is lined with jagged rocks. He hasn’t moved on from it and that’s what is holding him back from finding the happiness he desperately is seeking.” Bree walked into the room and took a seat on the edge of the bed. She eyed me cautiously as if she understood the hesitation that ate away at me.

“We all have a past that we never want to resurface. Mine is far worse than his I’m sure, but here I am going through the motions attempting to move on from it,” I bit out. I was so angry he had allowed the past to douse the future in insecurities and pain. He was right about one thing—I did want to save him, but I also wanted more than that. I wanted to save us.

Bree’s hand landed against my knee startling me. When I looked up into her dark eyes, I saw familiarity. It was the situation in general, the pain I had once endured. Maybe not in the same way, but she had endured something.

“Jared’s past is a hard one. Many years ago he lost the only female he ever had in his life.” She paused. “His mom was special to him. She died unexpectedly and it crushed him. Crushed our father, too. A lot of pain and time passed, and they found out I was the daughter our father had been looking for since he found out I existed. Through me, our dad found the little piece of happiness he had lost. I think there are times Jared harbors hard feelings toward me for giving our father something he couldn’t. He looks around and sees everyone so happy while he still hasn’t found his.”

I understood what she was saying. It was like an itch that you got from poison ivy. If you scratched it over and over again, your skin would become irritated, and eventually, the itch would spread all over your body, causing irritation on every piece of your skin. Jared chose to wallow in his misery, to accept his pain as a burden until it tainted him completely from the inside out, spreading agony throughout him.

“He should be grateful for the family he has,” I blurted out without thinking.

“He should be, but we all deal with pain in different ways. The easiest way to let something like that go is to push those who care about you away. It’s easier to not feel when the pain is the worst because not feeling means it’s not real. If you have no emotions toward it, you learn to numb it out.”

One single tear fell from my eye. It was for Jared, for the pain and hurting he was going through. He felt alone in his own world, and I knew what that felt like more than most.

“Don’t cry for him. Don’t let your tears be the symbol of forgiveness, sometimes people need to be pushed to their limits before they can learn to move on from the past. Every once in a while you have to push them off the emotional cliff so they can feel.”

Her words echoed in my head, giving me the comfort I needed at that moment. Jared could say whatever he wanted to push me away, but at the end of the day, I knew what I felt inside of me for him. I knew, when he kissed me, he was just as lost in me as I was in him. I wasn’t going to give in just yet. He was good at blocking people from getting too close, he even did it with his own family. Yet they didn’t give up. If my feelings for him were as true as the words I spoke to him, then I couldn’t either. I would push his boundaries and make him feel he couldn’t walk away.

“How did you know he left?” I whispered softly to her, wondering if Jared had called her.

“He called Zerro. Told him he needed some time to breathe. Gia is with my dad, and I was already in the area, so I figured I would swing by.”

“Well, thank you really, for coming by, for explaining the things that Jared fails to explain.” As soon as the words left my lips, I realized just how messed up what I had said really was. I still had yet to explain to him what had happened to me. I knew he had some idea though as Alzerro was the reason I was free.

Bree laughed which in turn caused me to smile. “We all have a story that we have to tell as our own. He would’ve told you eventually. I just knew that right now I needed to tell you. Jared needs saving, and that’s the bottom line. He needs someone to reach inside of him and pour her light and love into him. I know you have darkness inside of you still. I know this because, for a while, I had it in me. But the same way everyone saw my light even when I didn’t, I see yours... Jared needs yours, Izzy.”