A Duke by Default (Reluctant Royals #2)(96)

“Don’t say anything to him tonight,” she said into his chest. “It will make a scene, and I’d prefer to keep things positive.”

“Well, I’d prefer to break David’s fingers. That sounds pretty positive to me.” She tensed in his grip and he rubbed a hand over the exposed skin of her back. “But I won’t. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do. I will be talking about this with someone later though, if that’s all right.”

She sighed against him. “Sure. I bet you weren’t expecting all that when you lured me out here to have your way with me, in preparation for your role of newest rake in town. Ravishing women in the garden is like rule number one of raking.”

“Shite, I haven’t gotten to Debrett’s Rules of Raking, yet,” Tav said, and she laughed into his chest. He cleared his throat in preparation for the fairly important thing he was about to say. Maybe if he didn’t make a big deal out of it, she wouldn’t. “I didn’t bring you to the gardens to ravish you. I lured you out here to ask you to stay.”

She went tense in his embrace again, and then her head snapped up, hitting him in the chin. Okay, playing it cool hadn’t worked.

“Sorry,” she winced. “What do you mean, though?”

“I mean that I don’t want you to leave after the apprenticeship is over. I know everything is all mixed up right now, but I want you to stay and to see if maybe we can try dating. Or something?”

She blinked at him, then blinked again. “You want me to stay here, in a foreign country, just to date you?”

“Well, when you put it like that it sounds pretty selfish, actually.”

“Didn’t you just tell me I should go work for my parents? Now you’re asking me to stay? What if I say yes and then tomorrow you change your mind again?”

Tav took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “I thought you wanted to go work for your parents. You seemed determined and, yeah, I didn’t think I could ask you to stay here on the possibility of more. I wasn’t sure I had the right to ask that. But I’m doing it now.”

She took a deep breath. “I promised my parents I would take a bigger role in the family company,” she said. “They were depending on me and I can’t—”

“Fuck this up,” he said at the same time as her. “If you want to go that’s one thing, but if you’re just going back to make your parents happy, maybe don’t.”

“I should stay here to make you happy instead?” She slid out from under his arms, and he could feel her pulling away entirely. “And that’s not what I was going to say. I was going to say I can’t use them as an excuse anymore because they hired someone else. They decided to go with someone more useful, and I can’t say they made the wrong choice.”

“I know what I want, Portia,” Tav said gently.

“Do you? Or do you just want to make sure you still have a secretary?”

There was panic building in her voice, and Tav realized too late that he’d bungled everything. He’d moved from point A to point B too fast, when Portia had explicitly told him she wasn’t sure she could make it to point B, or even wanted to. Her actions had said otherwise though, hadn’t they?

Like asking you for boundaries?

“I know that I don’t want to lose you.”

“How exactly do you think that this will play out?” she asked quietly. “I stay, and do what exactly? I don’t know anyone here but you and your family. I don’t even have any skills. What kind of work would I do?”

Tavish was extremely confused.

“You’ve done literally everything for the armory, lass.”

“And I think that’s the problem,” she said, ignoring his point. “You probably realize it will be easier to just keep me around instead of getting a new assistant.”

“Well, no, I am getting a new assistant. I’ve said that already.”

“Well then, why would you need me?” she asked, in a flat tone that left Tav confused. Depending on what word was emphasized by her emotions, that question could have several different meanings with different answers.

The raw vulnerability in her eyes made him want to gather her close again. But he couldn’t just shag her in a hedge bush and assume she understood that meant he cared for her. He’d have to use his words.

“Do you think your only value to me is as an assistant? An apprentice?” He shook his head. “You started out as my apprentice, then you became my indispensable squire, and now you’re my . . . my liege lady.”

“Your what?” She seemed both annoyed and confused.

Tav struggled to find a way to put it into words without revealing everything but it was too late. Portia would do an internet search on the term anyway. He sighed. “You’re my liege. You’re the person I’m fighting for.”

Her mouth trembled but her expression was incredulous.

“You don’t even know me,” she said. “I stopped drinking because I was running from myself and trying to find it at the bottom of any handy cocktail glass. I slept around. I disappointed people. I’m almost thirty and I’ve never even had a stable career!”

Tav chuckled ruefully. “Is that your offensive? You think I’ll hate you now and never want to see you again because you’re a human being?” He stepped closer to her and slid his hand behind her neck, rubbing soothingly up and down.