You Are Not Alone(51)

I take another sip of my Sam Adams, thinking of the mousetraps and water stains and the wail of the baby I heard through the thin walls of the last apartment I checked out. He’s right.

“The thing is, I can picture myself there.” I brush away the thought that it’s a little unsettling that my life is intersecting with Amanda’s yet again.

The waitress comes by and Sean orders another round. “It’s on me.” He clinks his glass against mine. “Congrats on the new job.” Then he laughs. “I still can’t get used to you without your glasses.”

“Me, too. I keep trying to push them up on my nose, but they’re not there.”

“You look good. But you looked good before, too.”

I’m wearing the Zara outfit I bought for drinks with Cassandra and Jane, but I’ve swapped the flats for my leather boots. I guess that even though I know he’s with Jody, I still wanted to look nice for Sean.

You look good, too. But I don’t say it.

“Here’s what I would do,” Sean says, and I remember how much I’ve always appreciated his gentle, straightforward advice. “Call your friends. If they have a problem with it, you’ll just keep staying with me until you find something else. But maybe they won’t mind at all. Maybe they’ll even be happy for you.”

He’s about to say something else when his phone, which is on the table, buzzes with a new text. I glance down reflexively and see Jody’s name.

“Sorry, hang on a sec.” He types something quickly.

I wonder if Jody knows we’re out together. If I don’t at least try to get Amanda’s apartment, I’ll be back with them in just a few days. Hearing her giggle, seeing them snuggling on the couch, and tiptoeing by their closed bedroom door.

“Do you think I should check with Jane and Cassandra now?” It’ll be a little awkward to call them in front of Sean, but if I don’t, I’m worried I’ll miss this chance.

“Sure.” He puts his phone faceup on our table. “I’m going to run to the bathroom.”

I dial Cassandra’s number. While I listen to it ring, I glance down and see Sean’s reply to Jody: Be back soon.

I look away quickly. I didn’t need the reminder that Sean is just on loan to me for a couple of hours.

Cassandra picks up my call and I can hear street noises in the background. “Hey, Shay! What’s up? Jane and I are just heading into yoga.”

“Um, I have kind of a weird question. I feel a little uncomfortable even asking this, but I need your opinion on something.”

“Sure.”

“I found this apartment for rent.” I absently play with the sugar and Sweet’n Low packets in the metal holder on our table while I gather my thoughts.

“Oh, that’s so great!” I hear her say something in the background, then Jane’s slightly muffled response. “Awesome, where is it?”

“That’s the weird part.” There’s no way to ease into this, especially since they’re in a hurry. I can also see Sean walking back toward our table. “I didn’t realize it at first … but it’s Amanda’s old apartment.”

There’s dead silence. I feel my insides tighten.

“Oh?” It’s impossible to gauge Cassandra’s tone.

Sean slides into the seat across from me. He raises his eyebrows and wiggles his thumb up, then down.

I shrug. “I don’t even know if I’d be comfortable with it. But I wanted to check with you two first.…”

“Hmm, wow,” I hear Jane saying. Her voice sounds closer now, as if Cassandra is holding her phone up between them. “That is a little tricky.”

“I shouldn’t even have asked,” I say quickly. “It was a bad idea.”

“Hang on, Shay,” Cassandra says. “We were just surprised … but I guess it makes sense the landlord put it up for rent. I can see how you would’ve stumbled across it. You’ve been searching Apartments.com every day.”

I can’t remember telling her that, but I must have. It’s the truth.

“I can find something else.”

“The thing is, it’s really hard to get a good studio in Manhattan,” Jane says. “And Amanda loved it. It’s such a cozy place.”

Sean takes another sip of his beer, then leans in. I can tell he’s curious about their response, so I tilt the phone toward him.

“Jane, I think she should do it,” Cassandra says. “Someone’s going to live there. It might as well be Shay.”

I hold my breath.

“It actually makes me happy to think that someone we like is going to be there,” Jane says. “Can’t you just see Shay coming in from a run and making one of her banana smoothies in that great little kitchen?”

Sean smiles and gently nudges me with his elbow. He knows my banana-smoothie addiction well.

“Totally!” Cassandra says. “Shay, you’ve got to grab it before it’s gone. What are you doing talking to us? Go call the landlord!”

I laugh, so relieved my body feels weak. “Okay, okay. I’ll do it now.”

“Text us and let us know if you get it!” Cassandra says. Any trace of discomfort or surprise is gone from her voice; she’s bubbling with excitement. “You’ll have to have a housewarming party.”