Rot & Ruin (Rot & Ruin, #1)(104)

Benny opened his mouth to speak, but it was Nix who answered. “Because after all of this, after everything that’s happened to us, Lilah … We’re already family.”


It wasn’t exactly what Benny was going to say, but what she said was right. He nodded. The Lost Girl considered it for a while, then said, “Let’s talk about that tomorrow.”

“Okay,” said Nix, “I’d like—”

“If there is one.” She turned away and checked her weapons as she prepared to depart.

“Lilah,” said Benny, “are you sure you can do this?”

Instead of a smile or some reassuring comment, Lilah simply said, “Have to try.” Then she paused and looked Benny straight in the eye. “Why?”

“Why … what?”

“You could go back. To your town. You and Nix. These people”—she waved a hand in the direction of the kids in the pen—“aren’t yours. So … why?”

Benny didn’t have a ready answer for that. There had not been time to explore his own feelings about everything that had happened or was still happening. He would liked to have made a bold

speech about honor and dignity, or fired off a remark of the kind that would be quoted by future generations. All he managed was: “If we don’t do something to stop this, who will?”

Lilah considered him, her hazel eyes seeming to open doors into his thoughts. She must have seen something that she liked, or perhaps it was the simple honesty of his words, because she

nodded gravely.

“Have to try,” she said.

“Have to try,” Benny said, nodding. “For Tom, for Nix’s mom … for Annie.”

Lilah closed her eyes for a moment, nodding silently to herself. Then, without another word, she turned and slipped like a promise into the shadows under the trees.

Benny and Nix climbed down from the plateau and found a dark and sheltered spot under a row of thick pines. Their part would not start for hours.

Overhead a lone buzzard drifted on the thermals.

Benny held his hand out to Nix, and she came and sat next to him. They drank from Benny’s canteen and ate some of the dried meat Lilah had given them. It was only marginally less disgusting

than her stew, but they were hungry and eating gave them something to do. They said nothing for almost an hour. Benny spent much of that time reviewing the plan and looking for holes. There

were plenty to be found. In fact, there were more ways the plan could go wrong than go right.

“Life’s weird,” Benny said.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

“No … It’s just that two weeks ago the worst thing I had to worry about was finding a job before they cut my rations. All summer long the bunch of us—you, me, Chong, and Morgie—all we

did was goof off, hang out, and laugh. We used to laugh a lot, Nix. Life used to be fun.”

She nodded sadly.

“I have to believe,” Benny continued, “that we’ll get through this. Not just this stuff tonight, but all of it.”

“Get through it for what reason? Nothing seems to matter anymore.”

“That’s just it, Nix. I can’t let myself believe that nothing matters. You matter. We matter. We both need to believe that we’ll get past this. That we’ll be able to laugh again. That

we’ll want to.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. I can’t imagine that right now.”

He had no comeback to that. Her argument was too strong, and his was based only on wishful thinking and a threadbare piece of optimism.

They sat together and listened to the forest.

“Benny?” Nix asked quietly after a while.

“Yeah?”

“Last night … when you kissed me … ?”

His throat went instantly dry. “Yeah?”

“Why did you do it? I mean, was it because I was so upset and you didn’t know how else to help me? Or was it because you really wanted to?”

“I—”

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

He took a breath. “I kissed you because I wanted to,” he said.

She nodded. “Last night, when you thought I was sleeping … I saw you looking at her card.”

Benny plucked a stem of grass and ran it slowly between his fingers. It felt like cool silk. “Did you?” he asked.

“I saw you throw it away, too.”

“Did you?” he asked again softly.

“Yes, Benny … I did.”

She didn’t say anything else, didn’t speak another word for a long time. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and they sat there and waited for the day to burn away.





49


BY LATE AFTERNOON THE SUN WAS COMPLETELY COVERED BY A SHEET OF thick gray clouds. The temperature fell, but the humidity thickened the air to a hot soup. Benny drowsed against the trunk of

one of the pines, and in his dreams he heard a sound that was like the roar of Lilah’s waterfall. The sound started small and far away, and Benny’s dreaming mind made it be the noise of

the waterfall, which was a perfect backdrop for his dream of running through the woods, being chased by Charlie and the Hammer, both of who were now zoms but who also somehow managed to keep