All the Dark Places(42)

But it’s going to be damn hard not to get involved. I can’t keep this from Kim, my oldest friend. Laken came along later. Losing Laken’s friendship, while it would sting, wouldn’t be devastating. And Josh. Well, he was never my favorite person, but as Kim was over the moon about him, I tried. The fact that he asked Kim to marry him, after dating for just six months, surprised me and Jay at the time, but she seemed happy.

I listen as Laken prattles on about the spa and her twins and everything except Josh. I run my spoon through my soup, like I did when I was little, and leave as soon as I can without it seeming as though I’m running away from her, which I am. I need to get back to the bookstore and on even ground again.

*

Sadie and I wander the house in the encroaching evening darkness. I call Corrine since I haven’t spoken to her in a few days, but my call goes to voicemail. Then I remember she has some apartment board meeting tonight, so I sit in the kitchen with a bowl of melting ice cream and my laptop, watching the video feeds from the outside cameras. The doorbell rings, and I switch to the front porch camera. A man stands there, hands jammed into the pockets of his jacket, moving from foot to foot. My heartbeat kicks up, and then I recognize Josh.

Sadie and I go to the door.

“Can I come in?” His frosted breath wafts toward the porch light.

I swing the door open, and he hurries into the foyer.

“What can I do for you, Josh?”

“I just want to talk.” His gaze meets mine for a fraction of a second, then drops to the floor. I don’t particularly want to talk to him, but it’s a situation that has my stomach in knots, so I lead him down the hall to the kitchen.

We sit at the table, and I finish my ice cream but don’t offer him anything.

“I want to explain,” he says, running his hand through his sandy hair.

“Okay.”

“I know you probably figured out about me and Laken.” I start to respond, but he puts up a palm to stop me. “Please, just listen for a minute before you say anything.”

“Fine. Explain.”

He draws a deep breath. “Laken and I’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months. I know it’s wrong. I never meant for it to happen—”

“Nobody ever does.”

“Things have been pretty rough for her.”

I arch my eyebrows.

“I know you’re going through hell right now. I don’t want to burden you with this. The rest of our problems don’t seem like such a big deal next to yours.”

“It’s not a contest.”

He looks away, wipes his mouth with his hand. “I wish Jay was here.”

I get up and walk to the sink, rinse my bowl, and gather my wits. He wishes Jay was here.

“Sorry. That was insensitive.”

“Did Jay know?” I turn to face him, lean against the counter.

“Yeah.” He hangs his head. “Jay knew.”

This sends a dart of pain through my chest. Why didn’t Jay tell me? “How long did he know, Josh?”

“I told him a couple of weeks before Christmas. He, Cal, and I met at the pub for drinks. But Cal left early.”

“How could you guys do this?”

He rubs his hands over his eyes. “Something’s been bothering Cal for a while, and he’s been taking it out primarily on Laken. You didn’t notice?”

“No. I guess I missed all the drama.”

Josh waves his hand in the air. “Doesn’t matter. Anyway, we were talking and drinking at the pub, and Cal just up and leaves. Said he needed to get home. Jay and I kept drinking and talking. That’s when I told him about me and Laken.”

“What did he say?”

“He wasn’t happy about it. Read me the riot act. Then he told me I should tell Kim and we should go to marriage counseling.”

That sounds like Jay.

“Look, Molly. Laken’s been upset, and I’ve been having trouble at work. Cal never misses an opportunity to remind me that he’s my boss, that I’m not living up to the standards of the company and I’m lucky to still have a job.”

“So you got even with him?”

Josh shakes his head. “No.”

“Did you take Jay’s advice? Did you tell Kim?” I’m thinking no. She would’ve told me.

“I’m going to. Soon. I just need to find a way to break it to Laken. She’s having a rough time.” He draws a deep breath. “Jay kept pressuring me, and that didn’t help.” His eyes flash with anger. He looks like a drowning man who’s realized that there’s no help in sight.

“Uh huh. What about Kim? How could you do this to her?” Tears start to bubble up for my friend, and I feel Jay’s absence in a million different ways. He’d be able to sort this out.

Josh drops his head in his hands. “I’m an asshole, Molly. I fully get that. I never wanted to hurt Kim. She and Willow mean everything to me.”

“Then why haven’t you tried to fix this?”

“I was ready to. I really was. I got my courage up, even knowing that my wife would be devastated and I’d lose my job. Then Jay died, and I lost my nerve.”

I wipe a tear from my cheek and fold my arms. “Well, Jay is dead and buried. Time to move on, eh?” My voice is brittle. I have no sympathy for this sorry man.