17 & Gone(81)

There are no voices. There is no flame-haired visitor on the windowsill waving an arm and giving the finger. There’s just a perfectly normal girl with a boy in her bed and a book on her lap and no hint of what’s kept hidden away in her mind where no one can see it. There’s a girl.

She’s 17, and she’s still here.

Click here for more books by this author AUTHOR’S NOTE

This novel evolved as I was writing, leading me to discover what I was meant to be telling just as Lauren discovers the truth of what she’s seeing amid the scattered stories of the missing girls. So much of the ultimate story for 17 & Gone stemmed from my own research into experiences of teens living with mental illness and the visions Lauren could be seeing and the voices she could be hearing.

There is no single way to portray the symptoms or experiences of a teenager facing early-onset schizophrenia or any mental illness—and I can only hope that my portrayal of Lauren’s story will come across as distinct to her, and most of all respectful and true.

If you are worried that you may have warning signs or symptoms that might prove to be a mental health problem, please consider reaching out and talking to someone and getting help.

If you are thinking of running away or if you have left home and don’t know how to go back, there are resources that can help you and even assist in finding a safe place for you to go.

He re are some re source s in the Unite d State s that could be a life line whe n you ne e d one :

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): A national grassroots organization providing resources for teenagers and adults affected by mental illness. www.nami.org ? Information Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI.

National Runaway Switchboard : A toll-free number to call if you’re thinking of running away from home, have run away and want to go back home, or have a friend you want to help. www.1800runaway.org ? 24-hour Crisis Line: 1-800-RUNAWAY.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Free and confidential support for anyone facing a suicidal

or

emotional

crisis.

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org ? 24-hour Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Safe Place: A national youth outreach program for teenagers and runaways who need a safe place to go. nationalsafeplace.org ? If you are in trouble or need help, text SAFE and the location where you are (street address/city/state) to 69866.

The Trevor Project: A national crisis-intervention and suicideprevention organization for LGBTQ youth. www.thetrevorproject.org ?

Trevor Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I am in awe of my editor, Julie Strauss-Gabel. I truly can’t fathom how she is able to see the story I am trying to tell and know exactly how to coax it out of me before I’m even able to articulate it myself. With every round of revision, Julie puts me through the paces and inspires me to dig deeper and fine-tune and be clearer —and through all this hard work she helps me transform my ideas into something to be proud of. My writing is far better thanks to her extraordinary talent, and I know for a fact that this book was able to emerge into what it was meant to be thanks to her passion, attention, and skill. I wouldn’t be the writer I am today without her.

Throughout the doubts and struggles and ensuing madness that was the writing of this book, I have been grateful to have my fantastic, dedicated literary agent, Michael Bourret, at my side. He is the calming magic to my anxious frenzy, and has talked me through so many dramatic moments that I’m pretty sure I’ve lost count. I am so lucky to have him in my corner and grateful for his energy, honesty, and wisdom. This is only our second book together, and I hope it’s just the beginning.

From what I said above, you may have guessed that this book was not easy for me to write. I look back and it seems like I was working on it—or trying to—constantly, in multiple locations, throughout the past two years. This book was written and revised in numerous significant places that all seem connected to the story in personal ways maybe only I can see: The very first words of the very first draft were written at Yaddo (thank you, Yaddo staff and my fellow Yaddo-mates, especially in West House, where we sometimes shared a muse). A significant part of the first draft was written at the MacDowell Colony, in Omicron (thank you, MacDowell staff and my fellow colonists).

This book was continued in secret writing bunkers at undisclosed locations and revised and revised and revised back in New York City, and could not have been finished without the space I found at the Writers Room, Think Coffee, the Housing Works Used Bookstore and Café, and other writing cafés scattered throughout the Village. Thank you to each of these places for putting up with me and letting me sit for hours upon hours at your tables.

I am so grateful to Libba Bray for her belief in me, her inspiration, and her guidance, and I am beyond honored to have the words of an author I admire so much on my book cover. I am still pinching myself that she liked this book.

I am floored by the generosity of Courtney Summers, who was there for me at so many moments during the writing of these drafts, and whose advice and support helped me make it to this point. I only hope I can do the same for her.

Thank you, Penguin and Dystel & Goderich Literary Management, for all you’ve done for my books. I’ve been honored to be able to work with such dedicated, passionate people, including Liza Kaplan, Lauren Abramo, Steve Meltzer, Rosanne Lauer, Elizabeth Zajac, Anna Jarzab, Emilie Bandy, Marie Kent, Danielle Delaney, and each and every person who touched my books in one way or another. As someone who used to work in publishing, I know how easy it is to feel unappreciated and crushed under the deadlines, and I hope they know that this author is astoundingly grateful.