17 & Gone by Nova Ren Suma
Author’s Note Acknowledgments GIRLS go missing every day. They slip out bedroom windows and into strange cars. They leave good-bye notes or they don’t get a chance to tell anyone.
They cross borders. They hitch rides, squeezing themselves into overcrowded backseats, sitting on willing laps. They curl up and crouch down, or they shove their bodies out of sunroofs and give off victory shouts. Girls make plans to go, but they also vanish without meaning to, and sometimes people confuse one for the other. Some girls go kicking and screaming and clawing out the eyes of whoever won’t let them stay. And then there are the girls who never reach where they’re going. Who disappear.
Their ends are endless, their stories unknown. These girls are lost, and I’m the only one who’s seen them.
I know their names. I know where they end up—a place seeming as formless and boundless as the old well on the abandoned property off Hollow Mill Road that swallows the town’s dogs.
I want to tell everyone about these girls, about what’s happening, I want to give warning, I want to give chase. I’d do it, too, if I thought someone would believe me.
There are girls like Abby, who rode off into the night. And girls like Shyann, who ran, literally, from her tormentors and kept running. Girls like Madison, who took the bus down to the city with a phone number snug in her pocket and stars in her eyes. Girls like Isabeth, who got into the car even when everything in her was warning her to walk away. And there are girls like Trina, who no one bothered looking for; girls the police will never hear about because no one cared enough to report them missing.
Another girl could go today. She could be pulling her scarf tight around her face to protect it from the cold, searching through her coat pockets for her car keys so they’re out and ready when she reaches her car in the dark lot.
She could glance in through the bright, blazing
windows
of
the
nearest
restaurant as she hurries past. And then when she’s out of sight the shadowy hands could grab her, the sidewalk could gulp her up. The only trace of the girl would be the striped wool scarf she dropped on the patch of black ice, and when a car comes and runs it over, dragging it away on its snow tires, there isn’t even that.
I could be wrong.
Say I’m wrong.
Say there aren’t any hands.
Because what I sometimes believe is that I could be staring right at one of the girls—like that girl in my section of study hall, the one muddling through her trigonometry and drawing doodles of agony in the margins because she hates math. I look away for a second, and when I turn back, the girl’s chair is empty, her trig problem abandoned. And that’s it: I will never see that girl again.
She’s gone.
I think it’s as simple as that. Without struggle, without any way to stop it, there one moment, not there the next.
That’s how it happened with Abby—and with Shyann and Madison and Isabeth and Trina, and the others. And I’m pretty sure that’s how it will happen to me.
MISSING
ABIGAIL SINCLAIR
CASE TYPE: Endangered Runaway DOB: June 20, 1995
MISSING: September 2, 2012
AGE NOW: 17
SEX: Female RACE: Caucasian HAIR: Brown EYES: Brown HEIGHT: 5' 7" (174 cm) WEIGHT: 120 lbs (54 kg) MISSING FROM: Orange Terrace, NJ, United States
CIRCUMSTANCES: Abigail, who more often goes by the nickname Abby, was reported missing September 2 but may have been seen last on July 29 or July 30 on the grounds of Lady-of-the-Pines Summer Camp for Girls in the Pinecliff area of New York State. She was said to be riding a blue Schwinn bicycle off the campground after the 9 p.m. lights-out. She may have been wearing red shorts and a camp counselor T-shirt. Her nose is pierced. Her family does not believe she returned to New Jersey.
ANYONE HAVING INFORMATION
SHOULD CONTACT
Pinecliff Police Department (New York) 1-845-555-1100
Orange Terrace Police Department (New Jersey) 1-609-555-6638
— 1 — SHE’S Abigail Sinclair, brown hair, brown eyes, age 17, from New Jersey— but I call her Abby. I found her on the side of the road in the dead of winter, months after she went missing.
Abby’s story started in the pinewoods surrounding my hometown. The seasons changed and the summer heat faded, and no one knew yet. The dreamland hung low in the clouds, smoke-gray lungs shriveled with disease, and no one looked up to see. The snow came down and the bristly trees shuddered in the wind, sharing secrets, and no one stopped to listen. Until I did.
I was forced to stop. My old van made it so, as if someone had tinkered with the engine, knowing it would hold out down my driveway and onto this main stretch of road, until here, where the pines whispered, it would choke and give out and leave me stranded.
I drove this road practically every day —to school and to the Shop & Save, the supermarket on the outskirts of Pinecliff where I stocked shelves and worked the registers on Saturdays and a couple afternoons during the week. I must have passed this spot where the old highway meets Route 11 hundreds of times without realizing. Without seeing her there.
She came visible seconds after my engine gave out, as if a fog had been lifted from off the steep slope of our railroad
town
that
mid-December
morning.
Abby
Sinclair.
There
at