You Owe Me a Murder(59)

“You don’t need to worry about me,” I said.

“All day you seemed off. And then tonight you hardly talked to me.” Alex shifted. “Did I do something?”

“What? No.”

Alex swallowed hard. “I wondered if it was about Erin from last night. We were having a good time before I said hi to her, but then you got quiet at the pub and stayed that way all day today. You know she’s just a friend, right? I mean, not even really a friend, just someone I talked to a couple times. I know she can be a bit . . . sorta . . . over-the-top.” He shrugged embarrassedly. “But I don’t, like, like her or anything.”

I winced. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel bad. Alex was the one good thing I had in my life.

“I’m sorry.” I picked at the blanket on the bed. I wanted to tell him that Erin was more than an “over-the-top” flirt—?she was dangerous—?but he’d never believe me. “It’s not you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just distracted. I’m not sleeping well lately.” I motioned around the small room. “Although with this kind of posh sleeping quarters, I don’t know what my problem is.”

I did know the problem. Nicki expected me to kill her mom at some point tonight and that wasn’t going to happen. Nicki was running out of patience and that wasn’t going to go well for me.

“Why can’t you sleep?” Alex said.

We were sitting side by side, our legs touching. I was suddenly aware that we were on my bed. The space between us seemed charged.

“I don’t know. Nothing,” I said.

He sighed. “You know, everything is going to be okay.” He turned my chin so we were looking at each other.

I nodded, but I didn’t believe him. My heart picked up at his touch, but not just at that; I was terrified about what would happen when I didn’t kill Nicki’s mom, or, worse, if she finally ground me down and I did something unforgivable just to make her go away. I’d worked the problem every way I could think of, but I couldn’t come up with a solution. My lower lip started to shake.

“Hey, come here.” Alex pulled me close, pulling the tension out of me. He was warm, and the pressure of his arms around me wrapped me in security. My flesh lit up wherever his touched mine.

Alex rested his chin on the top of my head. “Tell me what you’re afraid of.”

I closed my eyes. “Feels like everything.”

“Not me, I hope.”

I pulled his arms tighter around me, liking the heat of him. “Not you. I’m sorry I keep screwing everything up. I’m supposed to be smart, but I don’t feel like I’m acting like it.” My voice was tight, strangled by tears that wanted to come out.

“You didn’t screw everything up. Some things just are screwed up.” The pad of his thumb rubbed along my shoulder.

My arm was at an uncomfortable angle, but I didn’t want to shift because I was afraid if I did he would move away.

Alex’s chest rose and fell, lifting me with it like a wave. “What you have to remember is that things usually work themselves out. Life has a plan. Just think about it. What were the odds that we would have both taken this program? Then take it bigger: What were the odds that both of us would have been born around the same time? Think how awkward this would be if I finally found you and you were ninety years old. Everyone would call you a cougar for hanging out with me.”

I giggled. “Or you could have been born in another country and we might not even speak the same language,” I offered.

“With luck I’d speak French, the language of love.” His hands ran down my arms. Goose bumps popped up in their wake. “My point is, we don’t know what will happen.”

“I know,” I said.

His mouth was near my ear, and the touch of his breath made me shiver. “I really like you. I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

“I like you too,” I whispered. In the silence, I felt as though he must have been able to hear my heart.

“We’ll just figure it out as we go. Things are partly weird because we’re here and because of everything that’s happened. We go home in just a few days. It will be different there.”

“I’d like to meet your family,” I admitted. “Your kid brother sounds pretty amazing.”

“Clearly you haven’t been listening. My brother is an escapee from one of the levels of hell. He’s half demon. And he smells bad. Did I mention that? It’s like he’s allergic to soap. But you should meet my dog. My dog is awesome.”

“I suppose he smells better?”

“Mmmm, that might be debatable. Chewbacca has a tendency to roll in dead shit on the beach. Drives my mom insane. But I love him.”

“Then I’ll love him.” I nestled deeper into Alex’s chest.

“Better now?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, letting myself finally relax.

“You going to be able to sleep?”

I doubted it. “You know how it is sometimes? Like you can’t turn off your brain? It just seems easier when you’re here.”

“Then I’ll stay.”

I pulled out of his embrace. “You can’t.”

“Sure I can. It’s not like they have random bed checks.” Then he flushed. “I mean, if you want me to go, that’s fine. I didn’t mean, like, we’d do anything. I just meant I could stay until you’re asleep.”