You Owe Me a Murder(45)

“Look, I don’t know what happened between you and Connor, and it’s none of my business. You don’t owe me some kind of list of every guy you’ve ever been with.”

“He’s the only guy,” I said quietly. Connor had been the only guy I’d ever even kissed, unless you counted Dex, who had shoved his tongue into my mouth at the spring dance in ninth grade.

Alex pulled me toward him. “I’m really sorry he hurt you.”

I closed my eyes and let myself melt into him. Alex was the first person to say that. Connor hadn’t cared how his actions made me feel. My best friend had been out of town and felt guilty about not being there. My dad hadn’t known what to say, and my mom had been annoyed the entire situation had blown out of control and embarrassed her. But Alex’s words were like cool water on a burn, making the sting evaporate.

We stood that way, Alex’s arms around me and my eyes closed, while people moved past us on the sidewalk.

“Yo, you two, touching moment, but I want the cash machine.” A bear of a man with hairy arms jutting out of his tank top stood there, his biceps looking as though someone had shoved frozen chickens under the skin. He jerked his head in our direction and I realized we were embracing inches from the ATM.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, and we moved away. I glanced over my shoulder. The guy was covered in a thick pelt of dark hair. He looked as if he were half werewolf, grabbing some cash before finishing his transformation.

I felt for the werewolf guy. To have someone trapped inside you, a not-nice person, one who came out when you least expected it.

“I lied to you about something else,” I said.

Alex braced himself. “Okay.”

“Remember when I told you my cousin did the travel for that band?” I said.

“Yeah, the Ravens.”

I stared down at my shoes. “He doesn’t.”

Alex shook his head. “Why do you feel like you have to lie to me?”

“Because I want you to like me.”

Alex kicked a loose stone down the street. “Jesus, Kim, why do you think I won’t like you otherwise? Don’t you get it? I like you.”

“It’s not that easy. That first day, you talked to me because we had the band in common. You said how you wanted to be my buddy on the trip after I told you. It’s what made you notice me.”

He took a step back. “You’re clueless. I liked you since the information session, before we even came here. Shit, I counted down the days until the trip and freaking made lists of stuff to talk about with you.”

I shook my head, startled. “That’s . . . not true.”

“Yeah, it is. I can tell you what you were wearing the first time I saw you. You had on those jean shorts, the same ones you brought on this trip, and a baby blue shirt that had these, like, circles on it. You were asking if we were going to go to the Science Museum as part of the schedule, and when you laughed, you did that thing you do, where you cover your face and snort.”

I blinked, trying to make sense of what Alex was saying. I didn’t even remember him at the information session. But I vaguely recalled wearing that shirt. It was one of my favorites. He’d noticed things I didn’t think anyone noticed. He hadn’t seen the image I was usually trying to project, but the real me. Snorts and all.

“I found you interesting because you were cute and smart. You told a joke about Charles Darwin, for crying out loud. When I quoted Star Wars, you got the reference and didn’t think I was a total dork. You even knew it was The Empire Strikes Back instead of Return of the Jedi. You’re basically my dream girl. Our first day here I told Jamal to ask Sophie to be his buddy so that the numbers would work out and you’d be stuck with me. Hell, I don’t even like the Ravens that much—?I just wanted an excuse to talk to you.”

I stared at him blankly. “I had no idea.”

He liked me. I’d known something had been growing between us, but this was different. He liked the sum of my parts, the whole—?he wasn’t picking and choosing. And I’d blown it.

Hot tears filled my eyes. “I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

Alex threw his hands up into the air. “Argh, you are the most frustrating woman ever. That’s not what I’m saying. I can be mad at you without wanting to break up with you.”

Air froze in my lungs. “You said you don’t want to break up . . . Does that mean you feel like we’re going out?”

Alex buried his head in his hands. “It’s like you’re trying to drive me crazy right now.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Listen, I need some time alone, okay? I can’t figure out what to say and I feel like I keep making it worse,” Alex said.

I nodded. I pressed my lips together to keep from crying.

He stepped toward me and held me by the shoulders. “I’m mad at you and I don’t want you to lie to me anymore, but I like you. I want to be with you. I want you to want to be with me.”

“I do,” I said.

He leaned forward and kissed my cheek softly. “I’ll see you later.”

I watched him walk away.

I wanted to believe him—?I just wasn’t sure I did.





Twenty-One