You Owe Me a Murder(41)

“Don’t worry, no breaking in is required. The door by the back garden doesn’t lock. It’s been broken forever. I suspect it will be the first thing the police notice when they come for her body. An unlocked door in this city?” Nicki shook her head as though she couldn’t fathom her mom’s stupidity. “It’s basically inviting trouble.”

She moved around the laundry room as if she were a general doing an inspection. “I can draw you a map of the house if you like, so you can find your way around without too much trouble. Look out for the third step on your way upstairs—?it creaks. Hopefully you can make the whole thing look like an accident—?that would be the best. I’ll leave it up to you. She takes a bunch of medication. If she’s totally out, you could drop a bunch of pills into her mouth—?she’d swallow them without even knowing she’s doing it. Make sure you give her enough. I can’t have her waking up a few hours later with a wicked headache and having sicked up all over everything.”

Nicki bit her lip. “I think the easiest thing is to go upstairs and then make some kind of noise to lure her out onto the landing. When she’s by the stairs, give her a big shove. She’s got no balance when sober—?I suspect when drunk she’d go ass over teakettle down those steps.

“It’s not like anyone would be exactly shocked that she fell. Last month she walked into a doorjamb and broke her nose. She tried to convince the doctor that she’d been running for the phone, but he didn’t buy it. The woman sweats Hendrick’s, for god’s sake.”

The smell of detergent mixed with the mildew in the basement was giving me a headache. I shook my head to clear it, but Nicki thought I was disagreeing with her.

She raised both hands as if surrendering. “If you don’t want to do it that way, that’s fine—?it’s totally up to you. I’m simply trying to give you options. But remember, we’ve got neighbors, so you’ll need to keep things quiet.” The dryer buzzed and she opened it up. She pulled a few items of mine onto the table and tossed my jeans back in. She dropped in a few more coins, and with a lurch, the machine started up again.

“These things never get everything dry.” She started folding my clothes—?tight, tidy shapes, as if she worked at the Gap. She took the tiny slip of paper with the address on it and placed it into the pocket of one of my shirts, patting it softly as though she were tucking in a small kid.

“You are completely unhinged.”

Nicki threw her head back and laughed as if I were joking. She held up my dark gray fleece. “I’d suggest wearing this. This morning I swapped out the bulb in the light above the back door for one that’s burned out, but our neighbor on the one side lights up their place like it’s a West End theater marquee. They aren’t too nosy—?they’re used to my mum banging around in there, crying and whatnot—?but they do keep an eye on things. Don’t slink around—?if they see you being sneaky, they’ll call the cops. You know how paranoid old people can be. Don’t worry about the place on the other side of us—?it’s up for sale and empty.”

I yanked my fleece out of her hands. My heart was thudding so hard I was surprised my shirt wasn’t billowing out with the effort of my heart trying to push past my ribs. “I don’t know how else to tell you this. I am not doing anything to your mom.” Even as the words left my mouth, I could imagine all of it in my head. Stepping into their backyard, the gate clicking softly behind me. Nicki’s house would be dark. I’d creep up the stairs, remembering at the last minute to skip the third. Then I’d stand over her mother, the smell of stale booze hanging like a fog in the room as I held a pillow above her face, steeling myself to press it down, crushing the air out of her.

Nicki cocked her head to the side. “But you promised.”

I grabbed my stuff on the table, then stepped past her to stop the dryer and grab the rest of my things. I didn’t care if they were still damp. She scared me. “I didn’t promise anything,” I told her.

Nicki blocked my way. Adrenaline flew like a sharp arrow to my chest. “Why are you acting like this?” she asked.

“I don’t want to see you ever again.” My voice sounded shrill in the empty room. If she attacked, I’d scream. I kept reminding myself there were people upstairs. Someone would hear me. Somehow Alex would hear me.

Nicki’s mouth tightened; she looked almost as if she was about to cry. “I don’t understand.”

She seemed sincere, but I wasn’t sticking around to explain. I moved past her out into the hall, half expecting her to grab me, but she stepped aside. My hands shook, barely able to hold on to the wad of clean laundry. “Leave me alone.”

I bolted up the stairs, but I could still hear her behind me.

“You know I can’t do that.”





Nineteen


August 23


8 Days Remaining


I refused to think about Nicki the rest of the day, as if she were a demon that couldn’t be summoned unless I said her name. I knew I would have to do something about the situation, but I didn’t want her in my mind. I concentrated so hard on blocking her out that by the afternoon the only thought in my head was baked goods. I tapped on the glass case in my favorite coffee shop, pointing at a croissant.

“Get the chocolate one instead—?they’re better.”