Worth Saving(13)

“Uh-huh, and no girlfriends out there on those deployments? I’ve heard a lot of stories about how deployments go, especially for a pilot.”

“Is that right? What kind of stories have you heard?”

“You know, the typical stuff. That there’s a lot of girls out there who sleep around with all the guys. I had a friend who was in the military and she called them desert queens.”

He lets out a resounding laugh that lights up his entire face.

“Desert queens. Wow.”

“Yeah, you know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Those are the girls who don’t really look good enough to get attention when they’re at home, but on these deployments, men find them irresistible. I can tell from how red you’re turning that you know what I’m talking about.”

He sips his coffee as he starts to come down from the laughter.

“I hate to admit it, but of course I know what desert queens are. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a twenty-three year old man and I’ve had girlfriends and such, but nothing serious. Ever.”

“You’re not interested in anything serious? Too busy with the desert queens?”

“Well, I wouldn’t quite put it that way. Desert queens are one thing, but I’ve never met anyone who was really worth saving like that.”

“Worth saving?”

“Yeah, I mean worth keeping around and keeping in contact with when I’m in another country. Someone who’s willing to wait for me while I’m gone. Someone who I need so much in my life that their face never leaves my mind, even when I’m thousands of miles away. That’s a hard thing to find, you know?”

“I definitely know. I’ve had my run-ins with short term relationships. Very short term. I have to be honest with you, Austin, I’m not too confident in the male species these days. It kind of feels like all of you have caught an airborne * virus that’s been floating around.”

He chuckles again.

“You’re right. There’s a lot of dicks out there, both literally and metaphorically, but we’re not all bad.”

Now it’s my turn to giggle. “You’ll have to prove that one.”

“Well, I hope I get the chance.”

“Wow. That’s a little heavy isn’t it?” I ask, even though I thought it was sweet. He doesn’t answer me though, he just shrugs it off.

I look up at him and he stares back. It’s the first time since the night at the bar that we’ve really stared into each other’s eyes. The blue in his is like looking into a perfect view of the calm ocean. They’re enchanting, and in that brief moment of silence and stillness, I feel a little flutter in my heart. It’s the first little flutter my heart has ever felt. It’s not insta-love or the sudden sound of cupid’s arrow shooting me in the ass. In fact, I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s something I shouldn’t be allowing myself to feel. There’s no room in my life for fluttering hearts. Fluttering hearts scare the hell out of me. Not to mention, I just met Austin, and he’s done nothing to prove that he’s any different from the rest of the * men I’ve encountered in my life.

We’re interrupted by the waitress setting the plates down on the table. The food looks great, but as I reach for my fork, my phone chimes in my pocket. It’s a text message. Probably just Marlene finally responding to me. I pull the phone out and check it. It’s not Marlene.

Damien: I need you to come in a little early tonight. A couple of hours.

My annoyance with the text must be written all over my face, because I look up from the phone to find Austin staring at me as he chews.

“Bad news?” he asks.

“Umm, just work stuff.” I put the phone on the table and start eating, trying my best to ignore Damien and his constant drama, but the phone chimes again.

Damien: A guy just booked you for a bachelor party tonight. You and three other girls. Might be a long night, but the payday will be f*cking awesome, so get your ass here as early as you can tonight.

I read the message and I feel sick to my stomach. Another night of being treated like shit by a bunch of drunk imbeciles, forced to do things no one should ever have to do to earn money. In a place like Las Vegas, bachelor parties are the f*cking worst.

See, this is why I feel fear when my heart has little flutters. It’s because no man would want a woman like me, not for anything long term or serious. If Austin found out what I do, he’d be out of here faster than that nice car of his can drive. I wouldn’t expect him to be so sweet if he knew where I worked. When guys find out what I do for a living, it turns them into horn dogs, instantly. No flowers, no compliments, no f*cking breakfast at IHOP. It’s just, “Great, then when are we going to f*ck?” Guys are pigs, and I don’t want to stick around long enough for Austin to show me that he’s one too.

“You okay?” I hear him say after I go a while without talking.

“Umm,” I begin, unsure of what to say or do next. “Umm, I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

“Is everything okay?”

“No, I mean yes. Ugh, I don’t know. I just . . . I have to go, okay?”

I get up from my seat, but before I can step away, I feel Austin’s hand grasp mine. It feels soft, yet strong.

“Hold on a minute. Look, I know there’s a lot about you I don’t know. Everybody has stuff like that. There’s stuff about me that you don’t know either, obviously, and that’s fine. That’s why people take the time to get to know each other.”