Whisper (Whisper #1)(26)

Okay? Nothing about this is okay. Everything about this is terrifying.

And yet … everything about this is also perfect.

Three days. That’s all I have left. And in taking me outside, Ward is giving me the greatest gift of all.

He’s allowing me to say goodbye.

That must be the reason he won’t meet my eyes. He knows as well as I do what is coming.

“Here, Jane, you can borrow this,” Esther says, returning to us and handing me a black jacket. “You have a few hours of sunshine left, but it’s still quite chilly out there. Autumn winds and all that.”

I take the coat numbly from her and slide my arms through the sleeves, glad that I decided on jeans and a plain T-shirt after my session with Enzo. Last time I was aboveground, this would have been a passable outfit.

Esther tilts her head and studies me. “You know what? When you’re back, you can keep it. It looks good on you.”

My eyes widen, and I shake my head firmly — for a lot of reasons, the main one being that I won’t have long to enjoy it — but she just reaches out and brushes some lint from my shoulder.

“I insist. Think of it as payment for looking after my children this afternoon.”

I wish I could tell her it’s been so long since I’ve been outside that they’ll probably be the ones looking after me.

“You’ll need these, as well.” Esther hands me a pair of dark boots, and I send her a grateful look. Despite my new wardrobe, shoes are still not permitted.

“We’re ready, Landy! We’re ready!” Abby squeals, running full speed toward us. Ethan and Isaac follow her more slowly, but I can still see the excitement in their eyes.

“Make sure you stay close to Landon and Jane, and do everything you’re told,” Esther says to her children, straightening their coats and kissing their foreheads. “Best behavior, understood?”

A chorus of “Yes, Mummy” (Abby) and “Okay, Mum” (the boys) meets our ears, and Esther nods approvingly.

“Take care of them, Landon,” she says quietly to him. Her eyes then settle on me and she adds, “All of them.”

I’m warmed by her words, since her emphasis can’t be misinterpreted. I send her a soft smile of gratitude, and in return she leans forward and kisses my forehead, just like she did with her children.

I blink once, twice, three times, fast, and swallow back the tears clogging my throat as I recall the last time such affection was bestowed upon me. Some memories are buried for a reason, but it’s still hard to keep them at bay. A mother’s loving touch has the power to break through even the most fortified mental defenses.

One breath, two breaths, three breaths, and I am almost in control.

“Are we going?” Ethan asks, impatient.

“We’re going, buddy,” Ward responds, but his watchful eyes are on me. “Why don’t you wait in the corridor. Chip and I will be out in a moment.”

The three children scurry through the door as Esther bids us a quiet farewell and disappears into another room. Once we’re alone, I glance at Ward, wondering why he sent the kids on ahead of us. He appears torn, almost apologetic, and I look at him in question.

“I’m sorry, Chip, but the only reason my uncle agreed to let me take you topside is because I promised I’d get you to wear these.”

He holds out a pair of handcuffs, and I sigh. It would have been nice to be allowed outside with complete freedom, but I understand why Falon would object to that, especially considering, well, everything. I’ll still be seeing the sun. Handcuffs can’t take that away from me.

I press my wrists together and hold them out, nodding at Ward in a gesture for him to go ahead. He reaches for my left wrist and secures the cuff around it but takes me off guard by cuffing the other half of the pair to his right wrist, effectively binding me to him.

“I didn’t want you wearing these,” Ward continues as if he never stopped speaking, “so this was my compromise.”

He jiggles our hands, and I stare mutely, wondering what he’s thinking. I never imagined us having this sort of connection. I never wanted this sort of connection. But now …

“We’re in this together, Chip. Imprisoned or free.”

I have to close my eyes as his words wash over me. I can’t handle the weight of them. Can’t he see that he’s just making this harder for me? Every kind gesture, every soft touch, every caring word just makes me more aware of what I’m going to be leaving behind.

Who I’m going to be leaving behind.

My eyes flutter back open when the fingers of his cuffed hand entwine with my own, causing my breath to hitch. He tugs me after him with a quiet warning to keep our coat sleeves covering the cuffs so as not to draw unwanted attention.

I feel another jab of heartbreaking pain when Abby skips over and laces her fingers with my free hand.

“We’re going on an aventure!” she cries happily, about three hundred decibels louder than necessary.

“Adventure, Ab,” Ethan corrects. “Adventure.”

“That’s what I said!” She swings our hands merrily as Ward leads us down the hallway. “Aventure!”

Before they can argue more, Ward cuts in. “You guys remember the three rules for going topside?”

“Don’t talk to strangers,” Abby recites.