What If It's Us(83)

“You’re going to have a lifetime of moments,” Dylan says. “It’s you guys! Arthur and Ben! You defied the odds. This is that Hollywood love. I have no doubts about you two. Distance be damned.” He points at Jessie and Ethan. “You guys seem tight. Just don’t pull a Ben and Hudson and ruin the squad.”

“Pretty sure you and Harriett ruined the squad first,” I say.

Dylan waves me off. “Details.”

“It’s something we talked about, obviously,” Jessie says. “But what were we going to do, not give it a shot? We didn’t just wake up one day with feelings.”

“Definitely not,” Ethan says.

“But we had an opening and we took it. Maybe we’ll regret it down the line, but I doubt it. We’ve known each other forever. There’s no throwing away that friendship.”

I hope some of this relieves Arthur. That when he goes home, he won’t have to constantly freak out about his squad disbanding.

“Do you guys regret dating your friends?” Ethan asks.

“Yup, sure do,” Dylan says without missing a beat.

“You do?” I ask.

“A good thing got ruined for something that went nowhere. Maybe if I’d known Harriett for as long as these two have known each other, it would’ve been different.”

“Yeah, but I knew Hudson for even shorter and . . .” I’m nervous about where this conversation is going.

“Do you regret Hudson?” Arthur asks.

“I miss my friends,” I say. “It’s not like I need Hudson and Harriett here right now. But I don’t want it to be such a ridiculous thought. They were our best friends, and everything feels so split up. Like I can never hang out with Harriett without it feeling weird for Hudson or Dylan. Hudson and Dylan can’t clown around. I can’t hang alone with Hudson without that awkwardness in the air. No more hanging out just to hang out.”

“But do you regret dating Hudson?” Arthur asks. “You can be honest. It’s okay.”

“I don’t regret dating Hudson,” I say. I felt differently a few weeks ago. I would’ve kept the truth a secret back then too. But Arthur gets all my honesty. “It’s like Ethan and Jessie. And Dylan and Harriett. We had to try. What if it had been awesome? It wasn’t, but what if it had been? We would’ve never known. And I’m who I am today because I dated Hudson. I’m the guy you like because I dated Hudson. Who you met because I dated him and broke up with him.”

“Cheers to Hudson,” Dylan says, raising a glass. No one moves. “Too much?”

I gesture at Dylan’s entire being. “Blanket yes. Too much.” I turn back to Arthur. “I had to answer that what-if question with Hudson. Just like we answered our own.”

“No regrets there either?” Arthur asks.

“There’s nothing to regret,” I say.

“Not yet,” Arthur says.

“Not ever,” I say, wrapping my arm around his shoulders.

If I don’t regret Hudson, there’s no way I could ever regret Arthur. I just have no idea what our next chapters look like. What kind of ending we need to brace ourselves for.

It’s getting late, so we’re figuring out sleeping arrangements. Arthur’s dad was expecting Jessie to take Arthur’s bed, for Arthur to stay in his uncle’s bed, and Ethan to camp out in the living room. This is clearly not happening anymore. Ethan and Jessie are already in pajamas on the foldout couch. Dylan is dragging Samantha into his shameless world and taking Milton’s room. And I’ll be with Arthur in his room. Finally alone.

If Dylan ever leaves.

“This room is adorable,” Dylan says when it’s just the three of us in Arthur’s room. “Which bunk do you sleep on?”

“I’m always on the bottom,” Arthur says, fitting new sheets onto the mattress.

“Ohhhh,” Dylan says.

Arthur freezes. “Wait. That’s not what I meant. It’s not not what I mean. I think. But I wasn’t talking about that. Just talking about sleeping. In bunk beds. Nothing else.”

“Amazing,” Dylan says. “You can’t write this shit. On that note, I’m going to go get started on my future child.”

“Dylan, do not have sex in that bed,” I say.

“We’re going to role-play. I’m going to be a vampire and she’s going to be the slayer—”

Samantha is standing at the door. “Dylan. We’re going to sleep. Let’s go.” She turns back around and heads into Milton’s room.

“‘Sleep’ is code, FYI,” Dylan says, closing the door behind him.

Arthur and I turn off the lights and rest on top of the sheets, face-to-face.

“So. Good birthday?” I ask.

“It started a little on the mopey side.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Then there was a major improvement.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Then it got a little mopey again.”

“I’m sorry for Dylan.”

“And now we’re here.”

“Let’s not be mopey,” I say. “We’re finally alone, and I have something for you.”

Arthur lights up. “Really?”