Warrior (Relentless #4)(194)

I lifted my head until our eyes met. “I should go.” And take a very long, cold shower.

“Okay,” she whispered.

The confusion and desire in her eyes were almost too much to take, and I groaned as I touched my forehead to hers. “Jesus, Sara, don’t look at me like that or I’ll never be able to leave.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” she replied huskily, her breath warm against my face.

I almost groaned again. Did she realize what she was asking and what her words did to me?

“I know, but you’re also not ready for where this is headed.”

“I…”

Her hesitation told me what she could not put into words, and I was glad I’d made myself stop before it was too late. I wanted her. God, I’d never wanted anyone this much, but I wouldn’t take her like this. If I had to be strong for the both of us, I would. Even if it killed me.

I rolled off her and lay, staring at the ceiling. My hand sought out hers, and I entwined our fingers as I thought about what I wanted to say to her.

“I’m sorry about what happened before I left. I didn’t handle it well and I hated leaving you upset. I know how important it is to you to find Madeline, and I should have known you’d expect to be there when we brought her in. But I’m also glad I listened to my gut and didn’t take you with us.” I let out a ragged breath. “This was a rough one.”

“I was scared for you,” she said in a small voice.

I turned my head toward her. “That’s how I felt the whole time I was looking for you. I was afraid something would hurt you before I found you.”

Her bottom lip trembled. “I’m sorry.”

I didn’t want to make her feel bad. I just wanted to make her see what it was like for me.

“I wish I could explain how it feels, this need to protect you, and how crazy it makes me when you’re in danger. The bond is a part of me – us – and it’s not something I can just turn off. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I’m trying to, but it’s hard. Put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel if you suddenly lost your freedom and had people telling you what to do? I don’t want to be pampered and taken care of. I’m not fragile, and I don’t break that easily.”

Her sadness made my chest tighten. I placed our joined hands over my heart to ease the ache there.

“I know you’re not. Your spirit and independence make you who you are, Sara, and I never want to take them from you.”

I understood where she was coming from, and the last thing I wanted to do was change who she was. I’d been training her to be a warrior while asking her to give up the things I valued in my own life.

“All I’ve known for a long time is how to be a warrior and how to command others. That’s worked with everything else in my life. It’s taken me a while to learn that won’t work with us.”

“You figured that out, huh?”

I smiled at her teasing tone because it meant we had passed a big hurdle. We – I – still had a way to go, but this was a big step forward.

“Do you think you’ll ever get past it, this overprotectiveness?” she asked.

I sighed as I thought about how to answer. “I’ll never stop worrying about your safety, but I think it will get easier.”

Her answering smile told me I’d said the right thing. “When I prove I can defend myself, will you treat me like the other warriors?”

I laughed, feeling my chest lighten. “I can safely say I will never see you as one of the other warriors. But I will try to be less of a tyrant. And when you demonstrate you are ready for a mission, I won’t stop you from going on one.” Chris would probably have to tie me down to help me keep that promise. “I guarantee I won’t like it, but I won’t hold you back.”

“Thank you.”

I let go of her hand and put my arm above her head in invitation. She laid her head on my shoulder as I held her against me.

“Do you want to talk about Vancouver?” she asked.

I closed my eyes. “Later. Right now I just want to hold you.”

She snuggled into my side. “Okay.”





*


“Nikolas, may I speak with you a moment?”

I looked up from my bike as Desmund walked toward me. He’d been here four days, and in that time, we hadn’t spoken much. I’d been busy with work, and I wasn’t sure exactly what he did when he wasn’t with Sara. Sara was happy to have him here, and Desmund had even been training her a few hours a day. I wanted her to have every advantage, and few people could boast they had trained under one of the greatest warriors of the last five hundred years.

I straightened and wiped my hands on a rag. “What’s up?”

“I want to talk about Sara’s training. She’s not progressing as quickly as she should.” He eyed the black grease on my hands with distaste. “She is afraid of her Mori.”

“She’s not afraid of it, at least, not anymore. She’s just not comfortable with it.”

His brows drew together. “Training is not supposed to be comfortable.”

“I know that.” It was my turn to frown. “She’s been through a rough time the last two months, and she’s made great progress in her Fae and combat training. It’s just taking her a bit longer to get used to her demon.”