Twelve Steps to Normal(24)
Lin holds out the step stool to him. “Would you mind running this back with you? I have to deliver the extra flyers to Mrs. Dwight’s room before the bell rings.”
“No problem.” He takes it from her, then glances at me. “Are you rejoining Earth Club this year?”
His tone is friendly. If he’s holding a grudge against the whole text thing, I can’t tell. But it’s his smile that throws me off kilter. It’s a sincere smile, something I didn’t expect.
I find I can’t look away.
“Yeah, I am.”
“Cool.” He looks back at Lin. “See you guys later.”
I watch him head down the hall, adjusting his backpack as he goes. I never told anyone about the text—not even Lin. My friends knew about Alex’s obvious crush on me in middle school, but since we’d gone our separate ways freshman year I’m sure they assumed those feelings evaporated.
As I watch him disappear down the hall, a strange feeling of loneliness lingers in the corners of my heart. But as fast as it comes, it fades just as quickly when I turn away.
I’m in a surprisingly good mood when I walk into Algebra II after lunch. Raegan had a Leadership meeting and Whitney had a dentist appointment, so it was only Breck, Colton, Lin, Jay, and me at the table—which meant Jay made eye contact with me on more than one occasion. He even offered me some of his cheese fries without doing that weird jaw-clenching thing he does when he feels uncomfortable. It was as if we were both relieved Whitney wasn’t the barrier between us having a friendly conversation.
On the flip side, I feel guilty that I spent all lunch feeling relaxed without her there. I felt even guiltier when Jay pulled his notebook out in AP US History and drew us up a hangman game to play as Mr. Densick explained today’s Data Based Question. Even though we stuck to movie titles, I couldn’t help overthinking it. I mean, this was our way of flirting with each other before he officially asked me out. But he has Whitney, so this definitely isn’t flirting. Or is it sub-flirting?
Then I’d caught him staring at Jana Nelson’s cleavage while thinking of a letter to guess in the puzzle and decided that I was surely overthinking it. Did he do that when we were dating? Stare at other girls? No. I mean, I would have noticed. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
But a tiny part of me questioned how much he’d changed since I’ve been gone.
The warning bell rings just as Alex flops into his assigned desk next to me. My eyes catch his profile. He looks tired, as if he didn’t sleep well last night. I didn’t notice it this morning, but there are dark circles under his eyes. Alex has never been one to party. I guess the stress of this week has caught up with him.
When he catches me staring, he pulls his beanie out from his back pocket and tugs it over his hair. He rests his head on his arms, then pulls the beanie over his eyes. Well. Okay then. I grab my spiral and flip it open to a fresh page.
Mrs. Donaldson walks into the room and begins scrawling something on the board. I hate math even more because of Mrs. Donaldson. She never slows her pace, which makes it hard for me to keep up, and she hates when students ask too many questions. Whitney and I had her freshman year for Algebra I, and I barely passed with a low C. I don’t know what I did to disturb the karmic gods to have her again.
“Good afternoon, class.” She taps her dry erase marker on the board where a sequence of numbers is written. “Today we’re talking about radical numbers and square roots.”
Riveting.
I open my textbook and do my best to pay attention to the formulas she scribbles, but my mind wanders back to Jay and Whitney. This week she made it very clear that they’re already planning on going to homecoming together. It’s obvious that she wants my past with Jay to have nothing to do with her present relationship. I guess I can’t blame her, but I wish it were easier to get my head around.
For now I’m going to focus on Whitney. I can’t control her relationship with Jay, but I can control my friendship with her. That’s why I’m glad Raegan invited us over to her place tomorrow. Maybe if it’s just the four of us without the guys, things won’t be as awkward.
I copy the example problem from the board. I try and understand it, but I’m already lost in the terminology. I wish Mrs. Donaldson would go easy on us.
Next to me, Alex twitches in his seat. He’s asleep on his arms again, head on top of his notebook. I stare down at my own spiral and realize nothing I’ve written down makes sense.
Mrs. Donaldson sets a wicker basket full of Jolly Ranchers on her desk. “For the last ten minutes we’re going to do some Radical Races.”
I sink in my seat, anxiety swelling in my chest. This is not a game I enjoy. At all. Two people are called up to the board to solve a problem from today’s lesson, and whoever solves it before the timer stops wins a Jolly Rancher.
Blood rushes to my head and whirs in my ears. I know she thinks it’s good practice, but it’s too nerve-wracking for me to be put on the spot. I never won any rounds, but at least I had Whitney to laugh it off with after class. Sometimes she would even give me her Jolly Rancher, and I never thought it of as a sympathy gift. She was just being a good friend. This year I’m completely on my own.
“Mr. Ramos.” Mrs. Donaldson is looking straight at Alex. He startles in his seat before lifting his head to look at her. “Perhaps you’ll join us at the board?”