True Colors (The Masks #1)(3)

The question stumped me. I should have been able to answer in a heartbeat, but I couldn’t. The truth was, I didn’t really know if I loved him or not. I definitely cared about him. I liked spending time with him, but our relationship so far had been more of a heady-rush. One I’d never expected. Chase Mitchell didn’t look at girls like me, but for some reason I’d caught his eye and I wasn’t about to cold shoulder this unexplained phenomenon.

“We’ve only been dating a couple of months,” I mumbled.

“Then you shouldn't be having sex with him." Her eyebrows rose so high I thought they might glide off the top of her forehead. I crossed my arms and slouched while Mom let out another big sigh.

“Caitlyn, I respect that you are now an eighteen-year-old woman and in less than six months you will be flitting off to college to live the life you choose.” She blinked and I couldn’t tell if that news relieved or saddened her. I tried not to think about it as she realigned her wedding and engagement ring, a habit she’d had forever. “I’m not telling you when you can lose your virginity and who you can lose it to. I just want you to think about it.” Her deep brown eyes were filled with parental concern. “I know you probably think I’m an old stuff. Your father’s the only man I’ve ever been with and I know views on sex are very different to what they were when I was a teenager. I just...” She sighed. “I don't ever want you to have regrets when it comes to your first time...or anytime for that matter.” She swallowed and looked all awkward again. “I mean unless you've already had your first time and this is a wasted conversation. Well, it's not totally wasted, but...”

Her hands started fluffing the back of her grey-speckled curls like they always do when she’s flustered. I cleared my throat and interrupted her.

"Mom. Still a virgin." I wanted to die. Who talks about sex with their 63-year-old mother?

She leaned her elbows on the table, looking all relieved. “Oh, so you haven't...yet?"

"No.” I frowned, and have no idea what compelled me to continue, but I did. “And we probably wouldn't have this afternoon either.”

“Really?”

I shrugged, realizing I’d just told a big fat one. If Mom hadn’t interrupted us, we totally would have.

And Mom knew it too. She dipped her head and muttered, “I’m so glad your father's not home right now.”

I couldn’t help my eye roll.

“Caity, I just want you to be thoughtful about it, that's all. I don't want to dictate who you hang out with, but you've got to admit you're changing. I sometimes worry where your friends are going to take you next. I miss the sweet, funny girl you used to be. The one who played sports all the time and had fun. The one who had principles and would never in a million years just let some random guy touch her.”

"Chase isn’t random. He’s my boyfriend.”

She made a face. I tried not to let it bug me. I liked Chase. He was hot and exciting. Mom just didn't get it.

“Look, I’m not that different. I'm just growing up. And I told you why I didn’t try out for volleyball again this year. I wanted to focus on my studies, which is what I’m doing.” That wasn’t entirely true. I probably would have gone out for the team this year if my best friend, Stella, hadn’t bitched and moaned about how it took up too much of my time. Sometimes I think she’s just jealous, because she’s such an unco, but I conceded, like I always did when it came to Stella. It was just easier that way.

I tried to hide my frown. I didn’t like to dwell on how much influence Stella often had on me.

Reaching across the table, Mom pulled me from my thoughts by gathering up the fingers of my right hand and running her thumb over my knuckles. “I know you’re growing up.” She grinned. “And I love to see it.” Her smile wavered. “Just as long as you never lose that compassionate spirit of yours, the one that was always looking out for others. All I want you to do is be who you are. People should love you without you having to change anything."

I scowled. This conversation was getting under my skin and I really didn’t like it. “Mom, what are you talking about? I'm still me."

"You have to admit that the likes of Stella...and Chase have brought out a different side to you.” I could feel my hackles rising the way they always did when she talked about my best friend. Stella and I had been tight since first grade and sure, she had changed a lot over the years, but I wasn’t just going to ditch her. I liked some of the stuff she’d gotten me into. Sure, it scared me a touch sometimes, but I’d never admit that to my mom.

It was now my turn for my bright blue eyes to grow dark with disapproval. My mom grinned, no doubt trying to ensure the conversation didn’t get explosive. “I’m not saying you're a bad person or anything, I just don't want you to forget who you are at the core."

I swallowed back my anger. I hated conflict, no matter who it was with. Taking a little breath, I forced a smile over my lips. “Mom, you raised me right. I know who I am, okay?"

"Yeah." She sighed again, looking totally unconvinced.

Much to my relief, my phone dinged with a text message. I fished it out of my back pocket and unlocked the screen.

Just heard from Chase. Need a rescue? Tell your mom shopping with the girls. I have a plan.