Thick Love (Thin Love, #2)(83)

So I did.





“It was late September.”

I couldn’t look at her when I spoke, kept my gaze on the knotted whitewash floor at my feet, but I knew Aly stared at me. We were dressed, but still on her bed, as though the memory of what we’d done on it would make this easier, keep me from breaking away from the safety both Aly and this place brought me.

“I was a stupid, jealous kid back then.” I glanced at her, unable to ignore Aly completely. “Still stupid now, but was epically stupid then.”

“I remember you being happy.” The look on her face was soft, a little sad, but I got that maybe how Aly remembered me back then, the way I’d been before Emily went away, might have been what caught Aly’s attention.

“I was especially stupid about her.” I scrubbed my face and sighed, figuring Aly deserved to know what I remembered. “I loved her like the sunset when you can barely make out the sliver of light that separates night and day. And sometimes, when I really think about it, maybe the sunset isn’t always the best for you. It means the end. It means that you’ve run out of chances.”

“No, Ransom,” she said, moving her head into a tilt. “It means you get a whole other day, another chance to live to the fullest.” I could only stare at her, blinking back at that soft, slow smile. I’ve never known anyone like her and I wondered how I’d managed to luck up again, to have someone so beautiful, so sweet, wanting to save me from myself.

Shaking my head, I rested my elbows on my knees and looked back down at the floor. “Her father hated me because he didn’t think I was good enough for her. Then he found out we’d sent nudes to each other.” I shrugged, thinking how stupid, how careless we’d been. “And with that damn video of me tossing that creep Mikee Sibley through the window going public, well, he thought I was violent, too.” Another glance at Aly when she leaned back against the headboard and I clarified. “I was very violent then.” She nodded and I continued. “So we snuck around, getting her friend Becca to cover for us, telling her father they were volunteering at the food bank, stuff like that. Hell, we’d tell him anything.” I didn’t blame the man for hating me. I had never been honorable in his eyes and I certainly hadn’t acted that way.

“The week before the accident, her father had made her go on a date with Eddie Parker, some rich punk from Biloxi. She went because I’d acted like a twit about Parker being around so much—at her house, on the golf course with her father. The man was gearing them up for some sort of rich white people marriage that would put him into bed with Parker’s old man’s company. Hell, she was only seventeen and her father was planning out the rest of her life.”

Aly made a noise like she knew what that was about, but then she turned her attention back to me. She wasn’t going to let me off the hook.

“What happened on the lake?” Aly asked me when my voice got a little too loud. Always calming me, keeping me focused. It was natural for her, some smooth magic I’d never seen anyone else ever weave.

“She showed up at the lake house the next day telling me she wanted to talk. I knew what that meant.” If she’d meant to break my heart that day, she’d dressed the part. She’d looked beautiful with her hair pulled away from her face and a thin, green sundress making her look like a wood nymph. “Em was a good girl, for the most part, and maybe she got tired of lying to her father. Maybe she thought I wasn’t worth all the sneaking around and all the bullshit it took to see me. Maybe she actually was starting to hear the shit that her dad was relentlessly spewing about me, I dunno.” I massaged my neck, hoping the tension there was temporary.

“I…I didn’t want to hear it. I thought I knew what she was going to say and it sure as hell didn’t help with my parents there, hanging out with Leann and her husband. Hell, even Tristian was there with his little brother, I just wanted us to be alone if she was going to dump me.”

Getting her on the boat had been easy enough. She’d barely spoken to my family, like she knew being too friendly with them would make cutting ties that much harder.

“We were on the lake for at least an hour. It was windy that day and a storm was coming in. I saw it in the clouds. There was lightning and the thunder sounded too close for comfort.”

The mattress dipped as Aly scooted closer but she didn’t touch me.

“Em was crying, telling me how much she loved me. How she still wanted to see me, but also make things right with her father, but he was so f*cking stubborn.”

I could only stare at those roiling clouds, trying to guess how long we had until they were overhead, not really caring if they were. Wondering if Emily ripping out my heart could possibly do less harm than some f*cking storm.

“Before she could end it, I sped the boat up, aiming for the middle of the lake, hitting each wave head on, reckless, because I didn’t dare touch her to try to shake some sense into her, I was afraid to stop, afraid that if I slowed down everything would change. Because I didn’t want to hear her telling me she didn’t want the hassle of being around me anymore.”

When I lowered my head, keeping my hands at the base of my skull, Aly touched me, just her palm against my back to let me know she was still there, still listening.

“I kept going faster and faster, a little drunk on her screams, more than a little dazed with the idea that she didn’t want me anymore. I just…I wasn’t myself.” I felt the burn in my eyes and tried to stop the tears with a tight squint. “I wasn’t myself that day, I haven’t been since.”