The Similars (The Similars #1)(40)

“Oliver said that he loved me. Of course, I knew that. I loved him too. He was my best and oldest friend. He was my person. But he meant he loved me loved me. I told him that couldn’t be true. He couldn’t love me. Not like that. That would ruin everything. And I was right. It did. Because things changed between us. And three months later, he died. And now, all this.” I gesture at the room, as though that will mean something to any of them.

Nine pairs of eyes stare at me. I meet Levi’s gaze, then quickly look away. “That’s all,” I mutter.

“Well, I believe that’s everyone.” Madison smirks. “The injective certainly works like a charm. Don’t fret, it’ll wear off in a few hours. But isn’t it great how well we all know each other now? Bonding moment!” she practically squeals.

If I weren’t totally drugged, I’d punch her in the face. And with that, we’re dismissed.

By the time I make it back to my room, the injective has started to lose its strength. I feel the heaviness of my body again and what my heart “revealed,” or whatever nonsense Madison called it.

I told everyone about Oliver’s confession. Including Levi.

As my mind returns, my pulse quickens.

This doesn’t change anything, I tell myself. It doesn’t matter. However Oliver felt about me, Levi is still Levi and Oliver is still gone.

Oliver.

The serrated knife slowly slides into my chest again, and I wince. God, I miss him. I squeeze his key at my neck as if that would make him reappear.

His note! I dig in my hoodie pocket for the scrap of paper that Jane sent me with Ollie’s key. I open it, hungry for Oliver’s words.

Emma,

I’m sorry. The key is for you. It will explain everything. Especially about him.

Love always,

O

I sink onto my bed, willing the note to say more than it does. My hand goes to my neck again, to the two keys hanging there. I’d assumed sending me Oliver’s key had been Jane’s idea, that she had wanted me to have it as a keepsake, a reminder of him. Turns out Ollie himself had wanted me to have it. I look over to Pru’s empty side of the room, her bed still unmade, her athletic clothes scattered on the floor. If only she were here. She’d probably have a million ideas about what Ollie meant…

I focus on the note. Oliver obviously wrote it in haste, or he would have been more explicit. But why was he in a hurry? Why was he rushing to the end—his end? The tears come hard and fast as I imagine him in his room, writing this note for me. Pain and anguish must have roiled through him, leading him to take that handful of pharmas…

Why did he want me to have his key? And how could it possibly “explain everything”? Is there something in his old room he wanted me to find? It’s not even his room anymore.

And even more cryptic, who is the “him”? Did he mean Levi? Did Oliver know he had a Similar before he died?

I scroll on my tablet to this year’s room assignments. I find Oliver’s room from last year. It’s empty. Oliver’s old roommate, Arthur Wong, has been assigned to a new room, and no one’s living there now—even with the influx of new students.

It’s weird, but I bet none of the parents wanted their kid to live there after Oliver’s death. Which will make it easier to search Oliver’s old dorm room. It’s what he wanted. I owe it to him. I might not have been ready to love him the same way he loved me, but I can honor his last request.

But to search Oliver’s room, I will need Levi’s help. It’s not enough to have the key without Oliver’s DNA. It was Tessa, after all, who said it that day in the library. Jake could take Jago’s tests if only he had his key. And Levi will be able to unlock the door of Oliver’s old room. The thought of approaching him after what I revealed about myself, about Oliver, makes my skin flush with embarrassment. And yet, I have to do it. Now, before I lose my nerve.

I’m already slipping on my boots and grabbing my coat, then looking up Levi’s room assignment. He and Jago are roommates. I hadn’t known that. Their dorm is in the same building as Oliver’s old room. It’s called Nightshade. I steel myself for what I’m about to do. Returning to Oliver’s dorm—without Oliver—will take all the strength I can muster.

*

Standing on the fire escape that runs up the side of Nightshade, the wind groans, threatening to blow my small, insignificant body right off. I’m having second thoughts. Why did I think it was a good idea to climb up here and ask Levi’s help right this minute?

But it’s too late. I’m already rapping on the window to get his attention. His hair is messy, and he’s shirtless and barefoot, wearing only jeans.

He comes to the window and opens it. “Emma?” He surveys me, and I detect the hint of a smile on his lips. “Are you out of your mind? It’s two in the morning.”

“I know how to tell time. Are you going to let me in?”

Levi holds out a hand, and I take it, noting his firm grip as he helps me inside. As I jump down from the windowsill, I brush against his bare chest. A shiver runs down my spine. Levi lets go of my hand and grabs a T-shirt from the back of his desk chair. That’s when I notice Jago standing to the side, looking ready to murder me.

“Hi,” I say.

Jago doesn’t say it back. “You realize you’re breaking pretty much every Darkwood rule by being here, and by association, so are we?” Jago rants. “So unless you’re on fire—”