The Similars (The Similars #1)(39)

“I never experienced homesickness until I came to Darkwood. There is something in the air here that is so foreign, it makes my bones ache. Even though I know how limited my life was on the island, I miss it with every atom of my being. I miss when it was just the six of us. I do not think I can stand it here much longer. I feel like I might turn to dust and the wind will carry me away. I thought I could love the Leroys, but they are not my family. I do not think we are made from the same cloth, even though we share the same genes. Even though Tessa and I share the same DNA, it is like we are different species, and that makes me unbearably sad.”

When Theodora stops speaking, we all sit in heavy silence. I look over at Tessa to see if Theodora’s words have moved her, but Tessa appears indifferent.

“Thank you,” says Madison, moving on abruptly despite Theodora’s raw confession. “Pippa? You’re next.”

Suddenly, I feel so sleepy, it’s difficult to keep my eyes open. I don’t quite drift off, but I slowly slump in my chair, hearing what Pippa says, but as though through a wind tunnel.

“I’m so worried about Prudence. Her health keeps me up every night, frozen with fear,” Pippa confesses. “I understand why Theodora feels no kinship to the Leroys, but when I met Pru, I finally found a sister. And now that sister may be gone. It is more than I can bear.”

An ache swells in my chest. I want to reach out and embrace Pippa, but the fogginess of the injective holds me back.

“Thank you for your honesty, Pippa,” Madison says, looking smug. “Maude?” Her eyes narrow. “You’re up.”

Maude takes a moment before speaking.

“Coming to Darkwood, defying your parents’ wishes?” Maude addresses her words directly to Madison. “It’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. I think I’ve been doing a pretty fantastic job of tolerating you, Madison, because that’s what my guardian asked me to do. But the truth is, I despise you and everything you stand for.”

Madison squeezes her hand into a fist. It’s like she’s holding herself back from doing or saying something she’ll regret. Instead, she plasters a smile on her face.

“I assure you, the feeling is mutual. But before we move on…” Madison muses, pacing in a tight circle. “Why do you think, Maude, that your guardian instructed you to tolerate me?”

“Because it’s what I’m here to do,” Maude says quickly.

“What you’re here to do? Aren’t you here to attend school? To get an education at the best institution in America?”

“In part,” Maude responds.

“And the other part?” Madison presses. The tension between these two is palpable, which isn’t lost on any of us, even in our drugged state. I shift uncomfortably in my chair.

Maude stares her down. “Isn’t it obvious? My guardian wants me to destroy you.”

No one speaks. No one moves. Madison pauses, standing in front of Maude like she’s ready to pounce on her.

“She comes with a sense of humor,” Madison says, crossing her arms over her chest. “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“I don’t,” says Maude, her voice tight. “You and I… We’re alike in so many ways, aren’t we?”

“That’s debatable.”

Maude rolls over her words. “We’re both focused. Intelligent. Detail-oriented. But no, neither of us is particularly funny.”

“Is this your way of telling me that you aren’t kidding?” Madison asks. “That you really came to Darkwood to ruin me?”

“I guess that will remain open to interpretation,” Maude says lightly. I glance between the two of them, certain one—or both—is going to snap.

“Excuse me.” It’s Tessa. “As much as I’m enjoying this conversation, we haven’t gotten through everyone.”

Madison clears her throat. “Thank you, Maude, for that touching confession. Levi?” she says. “You have the floor.”

Even in my altered state, my heart quickens as he begins to speak. I don’t know why my pulse races. It’s not as though he’s going to say anything about me.

I wouldn’t even want him to.

“The time I’ve spent at Darkwood has been the most thrilling of my life,” Levi shares, his voice steady and even, “and the most miserable. I’ve never felt this free. To roam, to read my favorite books, to just be. I’ve also never felt so shackled. I’m tethered to all the parts of myself I despise. At Darkwood, I’m held back by who I am. It’s simple, really. I am both myself here and not myself at all.”

I take in a shallow breath. Will he say more? Will he reveal more?

“I don’t wish to go back. There is nothing left for me there. But here… It’s difficult to say what might become of me. I may, eventually, thrive. Or I may drown.”

We all stare at him, waiting for more, but that’s all he shares.

Madison shifts her weight, looking antsy. “Poetic. Emmaline? Go ahead.”

I look around at my classmates. Some watch me, but others stare at their hands. The senior Ten members—Angela, Sunil, and Archer—observe me awkwardly. They must have helped Madison and Tessa drug us.

“Oliver and I weren’t really speaking when he died,” I hear myself say, unable to stop the words from tumbling out. It’s a strange sensation, like I’m talking without my permission. The words flow on their own without my consent. “We weren’t not talking. We weren’t angry at each other. But something had happened. He’d told me something, a few months before, back in March. He said…” I pause. A tiny voice in the back of my mind urges me to stop, not to tell this story. For half a second, I listen to it. The urge to keep going is stronger. So I do.