The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried(43)

“We are. July’s a great Tracy.” Benji stops and glances at me. “Was.”

His bottom lip is trembling and he looks like he’s going to cry, so I say, “Remember when she redid the songs from Hairspray so they were Harry Potter themed?”

“Good Morning, Voldemort!” Benji sings. A couple of people look our way, but I don’t care.

“?‘Run and Spell That’ was my favorite.”

Benji wags a finger at me. “She finished the lyrics to ‘Petunia, I’m a Wizard Now,’ and they’re hilarious.”

“Wish I could’ve heard them.”

My attempt to change the subject leaves us almost in the same place we started, but at least Benji doesn’t look on the verge of tears anymore. We stand quietly for a moment. I’m about to claim the need to use the bathroom when he says, “You remember Zora Hood?”

I try not to tense, but my face goes rigid and I can’t look Benji in the eye. “I know her.”

“She was July’s understudy.” He pauses, bites his lip. “At the funeral she said she saw July driving your car last night, but then you showed up and said it wasn’t her. That’s silly, right?”

“We’re at July’s funeral, Benji. What do you think?” I have to get away from him, so I say, “If you’ll excuse me.” Without waiting for him to reply, I slide through the crowd, run up the stairs, and rush to July’s room, shutting the door behind me.

“Hiding?”

Startled, I spin around. Jo?lle is sitting at July’s desk in front of her open laptop. She’s wearing a black-and-gray checkered suit with an oversized bowtie and suspenders that’s totally her. July used to complain because she’d wanted a sister she could play dress up with, but Jo refused to wear dresses or skirts.

“Kind of,” I say.

“Let me guess: Uncle Stu pull out his big bag of offensive jokes on you?”

“No, but a woman named Gloria cornered me for a while. Someone should tell her that while bathing is good, bathing in perfume is not.”

Jo wrinkles her nose, and in that moment she looks so much like July that it hurts. “Not sure I know her.” She shakes her head. “There are so many people here I don’t know.”

I flop down on the bed and arrange July’s pillows behind me. The way Jo’s watching me, I freeze. “What?”

“Everyone else comes in here treating it like a museum. You’re the first person who hasn’t.”

“Sorry,” I stutter. “I didn’t mean—”

“Doesn’t bother me.”

Now I feel awful, though. Her parents were probably keeping it enshrined in amber so they could come into this room and see it the way July had left it. Maybe I can fix the pillows the way they were.

“I’m serious,” Jo says. “Relax. And take off your jacket, too. You’re making everyone else look bad.”

I grimace. “Can’t. I forgot to wear an undershirt, and it was ridiculously hot out there today, so . . .”

Jo?lle nods. “Got it. That’ll make Logan and Trey feel better.”

“Great, now I’m self-conscious about it.”

“You should be.” Her grin is pure July, but there’s a warmth to her words that’s all her own.

I motion at the computer. “Trying to hack her system?”

Jo nods. “I know she kept her diary on here, and I’m hoping it’ll tell me how she used to sneak out without Mom knowing.”

“That’s easy,” I say. “She wired the sensor for the back door so it always reads as active. I don’t think it’s worked since your mom had it installed.”

“Very clever, July,” Jo says.

“Yeah. Your sister was an evil genius.”

Jo closes the laptop and then leans back in the chair. I wait for her to say something, but it seems like she’s leaving it up to me to carry the conversation.

“Ready for high school?”

“No,” Jo says emphatically.

“It won’t be so bad. And you’ll have at least one friend.”

Jo?lle pauses, then says, “We might not stay.”

“At Palm Shores High?”

“In Palm Shores at all.”

My eyebrows shoot up. “For real?”

“Mom’s felt like the house was too big since Daddy left, and now with July gone, she’s talking about moving closer to Grandma.”

“Atlanta?”

Jo shakes her head. “She’s in Colorado now.”

I’m surprised Mrs. Cooper is considering leaving. Especially so soon. But I can also see how painful it would be staying in the space July had once filled and being constantly forced to remember she’s never returning.

“What do you want?” I ask.

“Don’t know.”

“You seem to be holding up pretty well.”

Jo grins. “You missed the meltdown I had this morning trying to get dressed. The remains of five shirts are still sitting on my floor, and my tablet’s definitely toast.” Her smile fades and she looks directly at me. “How are you doing it? Staying so calm, I mean?”

“July’s not dead for me yet.”