The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried(15)
“Maybe you’re not.” Dino tries to nibble some bacon without being obvious about it. “I get that you’re afraid to face the truth, but you don’t have a choice. You might not be dead, but you’re not alive either. Based on the smell, you are still decomposing. If this state you’re in isn’t permanent, we have no idea how long it’s going to last; and if it is? We need answers, July. We have to understand what’s happening to you before we can decide what to do with you.”
I laugh bitterly. “We? Last time I checked, we weren’t a ‘we’ anymore.”
“Despite what you think, you can’t do this alone. And I’m not letting a corpse my family is legally responsible for run around the county unsupervised.”
“You’re not worried about me,” I say. “You only care that I don’t bankrupt your parents’ business.”
“That’s not true.”
“Stupid July ruins everything. That’s why you never introduced me to Rafi, isn’t it? Afraid I’d screw that up for you too.”
Dino goes quiet, which is fine by me. He can’t make the food not taste like hot pus, so he’s basically useless. And what does he even know? He puts makeup on corpses; he’s not an expert on everything death related. But maybe he does have a point about figuring out what’s happening. I want to go home, but I can’t give Momma and Daddy and Jo hope if there’s a chance that this isn’t for real. They won’t care if I rot and shrivel, so long as we’re together, but I care.
“You called Rafi my girlfriend.”
“What?” I’m too busy mourning my taste buds to care about listening to Dino, and only partly hear him.
“I’d been dating Rafi for a week, and we were at your house watching a movie, and you asked when you were going to get to meet my girlfriend.” Dino looks up at me through his lashes.
“So what?”
Dino’s jaw twitches and one of his eyes gets wider than the other. “So what?”
“Yeah,” I say. “I call you my girlfriend all the time. If it was a problem, you should have spoken up.”
“I didn’t think I had to.”
“It was a joke! I was joking!”
“But it’s different with me, July. Rafi’s trans, you know that, and I doubt he would’ve laughed.”
“Rafi this and Rafi that, and forget everyone who isn’t him.”
“I’d have been pissed about you saying it even if I wasn’t with Rafi, but I was—”
I raise my eyebrows. “Was?”
“Am! I am with Rafi.”
“Wait, is that why you stopped talking to me?”
“No,” Dino says. “That’s why I stopped inviting you to hang out with us. You were the one who stopped talking to me. Besides, don’t act like you didn’t cancel every time I tried to arrange for the three of us to spend time together.”
Dino’s phone buzzes in his pocket, and he grabs it and mutes it, mashing that button as hard as he can.
“Any reason you’ve been ignoring those texts? Are they from him?”
“Rafi’s having a party, and he wants me to go.”
The idea of a party sounds wonderful. Loud music so I don’t have to listen to Dino, and lots of people so that I can lose him for a while. “Let’s go, then.”
“Not happening.”
But I’m not taking no for an answer. “I’m sorry about the joke. It was dumb and I should have realized it was wrong and apologized, but we can go and no one will have to know I’m me. Since Rafi and your friends never met me, and they don’t go to our school, you can tell them I’m a cousin in town for Delilah’s wedding.”
“No!” Dino says it so loudly that it catches Hector’s attention from the other side of the diner.
“Then what the hell good is being not-dead?” I say. “I can’t see anyone, I can’t eat, I can’t go to a stupid party. If I have to spend the rest of my not-life with you, I’d rather be dead again!” I get up and storm out of the diner.
DINO
I FINISH MY FRENCH TOAST. July’s walking circles in the parking lot, and Hector’s watching me from across the diner, but I continue eating like my life isn’t a garbage fire wrapped in a disaster. Except then Rafi texts me again, and I glance at it and see the messages he’s left. Mostly they’re pictures. Selfies of Rafi with Shanika in the kitchen. Pictures of everyone in the pool. More selfies, this time of Rafi with his dog, Dobby.
RAFI: miss u!
RAFI: leon and charlie have been screaming at each other over whos the best power ranger all night
RAFI: so i figure theyre definitely gonna be a thing by morning
RAFI: you okay
RAFI: i know you said not to ask but im worried
RAFI: u
I’m not surprised about Leon and Charlie. Anyone who didn’t see that coming from miles off wasn’t paying attention. And Rafi’s dog honestly does look like he’s one raggedy sock away from earning his freedom. It’s the last message that’s got me twisted. Is he trying to emoji his way into saying he loves me? That is the last distraction I need tonight.
I pay the bill, say good-bye to Hector, and leave.