The Lesbiana's Guide to Catholic School(28)

“Yes, Mrs. Flores, thank you, Mrs. Flores. I could get used to that!”

Cesar looks like he’s holding his breath.

“What, Cesar, you don’t like your sister’s boyfriend Steve Urkel?” She has this ugly-ass hyena cackle whenever she tries to clown on someone. The laugh is always funnier than the joke. But it’s contagious, so I can’t help but join in against my will. Cesar doesn’t.

“Mami, don’t be mean! He’s nice,” I say, trying to stifle my giggling for Cesar’s sake.

“He is. I think—you’ll probably like him, I think.” Cesar stumbles over the words. “I have homework.” He grabs his backpack and disappears to his room.

Ooh, Cesar would leave me alone to have the Talk with Mom about his boyfriend. I mean, I think it’s his boyfriend? Who knows, maybe they’re just casual. I definitely deserve to get some answers after putting myself on the line like this.

“You’re right, mija, he seems nice.”

“So you’re not mad?”

“I’m just happy you finally got a boyfriend! After all these years, I was starting to think you were gay!” She does the sign of the cross and another hyena cackle. The words knock the air out of me, but I push out a laugh anyway. If she finds out about me and Cesar, she’ll probably have us exorcized.

She spends another couple of minutes clowning on Jamal’s outfit before she tells me she wants me to invite him over for dinner on Friday. As soon as she lets me off the hook, I go to Cesar’s room. He’s pacing back and forth, fidgeting with his hands. I thought I was going to tell him off for leaving me alone with Mom, but I find myself rushing into a hug. He stiffens up like he was expecting anything but. The way he’s breathing feels like he might be crying, but it’s hard to tell. After a minute, he pulls away.

“Um, what all did you see?” His hands are shaking, but no tears.

“What do you mean? Y’all weren’t getting busy out there, were you?”

“Oh my God, Yami! No!” His cheeks darken. “But you saw . . . um . . . you know . . .”

“I saw you kiss, yeah.”

“I . . . I was gonna tell you.” He lets out a shaky breath.

“You don’t owe me shit. It’s okay, really.” I want to reach out and hug him again, but something tells me I should wait.

“I’m just gonna say it, okay?” he says with a quivering lip, but doesn’t continue.

The room is completely silent while I let him build the courage. We’re both holding our breath. I find my lip mirroring his as it starts to tremble. Whatever Cesar is about to say could change everything. We can be in this together.

“I’m bi,” he says, finally wiping his eyes and nose, which were both starting to leak.

“Cesar, noooo, don’t cry. . . .” I pull him back into a hug. I expect him to tense up again, but he goes weak, like the hug is the only thing keeping him on his feet. I don’t know what to say. He just came out to me, and I know how big of a deal that is. Oh, do I know. I don’t know if he’s crying from relief or if he’s scared or what, but I just want him to stop because he’s about to make me cry.

“Thanks for covering for me.” He gives me a look that probably just means exactly that, but it maybe also means hurry up and say you’re gay so we can bond over it. Not that he knows. Yet. I open my mouth to tell him, but nothing comes out. He starts fidgeting again, and I know I need to say something.

This should be easy, since he did it first, but I’m holding my breath again. The longer it takes me to respond, the more he’ll start to think I’m biphobic. I know I’d be overthinking it if anyone took this long to respond to me coming out. Okay, I can do this. I finally let myself breathe and try again.

“I’m . . . I’m g—” I start again, but the words are trying to claw their way back into my throat. I can only push them out through a whisper. “I’m gay.”

It’s not just me anymore, and the thought makes me tear up.

“Yami, noooo!” Cesar’s voice cracks, and now he’s the one hugging me. I start laughing. We really can’t stand seeing each other cry.

Cesar takes a step back and gives me the world’s cheesiest smile. “You know what that means, right?”

“What?” I wipe my eye.

“In lak’ech, baby!”

I spit out a laugh-cry, and Cesar starts Fortnite dancing. He’s chanting between moves.

“In . . . la . . . keeeeeech!”

He’s twerking now, and how could I not join in? I jump on his bed and floss dance while he attempts to wall twerk. We laugh and sing and twerk. It’s so gay.





7


Thou Shalt Divert Thy Mother’s Gaydar


“I should have known,” Cesar says after wearing himself out with all the twerking.

“Why? How could you have known?” I am a little relieved he didn’t catch on. If my own brother didn’t, other people must not know either.

“I heard you turned Hunter down for homecoming.”

“So? He could have just not been my type.” It’s not like I don’t know Hunter is conventionally attractive. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I can’t see him.

“I mean . . . if I was single, mmh! He could get it.”