The Lesbiana's Guide to Catholic School(102)

“I mean . . . uhhhhh . . . Jamal, let’s get a drink!” Cesar grabs Jamal’s arm and they run away so fast they’re stumbling over each other. It reminds me of how Bo and I ran away from all the sticky situations we’ve been in. I laugh. And then I remember why they ran. Ooh, I’ll get him back for that.

“Um, ignore my brother,” I say.

“Okay.” I don’t know if she was blushing before, but she definitely is now.

“Sorry. He’s just—”

“I love you, too,” Bo blurts out.

“What?”

“I love you,” she says again. This time she holds my hand.

I gasp out loud. “Shut up! I love you!” I surprise myself at how easily I’m able to say it. My hand goes over my mouth to cover my huge smile. Bo kisses the back of my hand while it’s still over my mouth. Then she gently pulls it away and kisses me again. I’m laughing between kisses because I can’t believe she just said that. We both fall back on the ground, kissing and laughing.

Bo rolls over and spoons me, and talks to me softly.

“In case you didn’t know, I think you’re amazing and inspiring and beautiful, too.” She kisses my ear, and I straight-up giggle.

I never understood the appeal of kissing before Bo. I didn’t get kissing on the mouth, or on the hand, on the freaking ear. But I’ve never been kissed by anyone like Bo. It’s different with her. She does something to me I can’t explain. Kissing her is relaxing and intense and just . . . happy? It’s nice. I don’t even care that people can see us.

The music is loud enough that a few people are dancing outside. When the next song comes on, I’m on my feet in a split second. “Dreaming of You” by Selena. It’s like David played this one just for me. It’s slow, but I’m buzzing with excitement. Next thing I know, Cesar is jumping on my back, belting the lyrics in my ear. Maybe David meant for this to be a slow-dance song, but that is probably not going to happen. There will be other chances for slow dancing. Besides, we’re outside, so it’s not like we’re ruining anyone’s romantic vibes inside.

Cesar and I hold hands and belt out the words as loud as we can. Bo lifts her phone in the air like it’s a light and sways her arm back and forth. I don’t know if she knows the song, but she’s excellent backup for us right now. After the first verse, Jamal steals Cesar away from me, and Bo turns me around and puts her hands on my hips. I guess our dates weren’t so entertained by our foolishness.

But nothing can keep me from jamming out to Selena. Not even Bo. I start singing to her instead of Cesar. Loudly and badly, and it’s great. She’s laughing the whole time. I know it started as a joke, but this song is kind of perfect for me and Bo.

“. . . and I still can’t belieeeve, that you came up to me and said, I love you!—Ahhh, YOU said that!—I love you too!—OH MY GOD IT’S OUR SONG!!!! —Now I’m dreeeeeamin’ . . .”

Bo buries her face in my neck and I can feel her laughing. I grab both of her hands and lift our arms in the air while I serenade her. I twirl and dip her, then try to kiss her in the dip like I saw in some dance movie somewhere, but I’m not very strong. We stumble through it, somehow ending up on the ground, but she doesn’t pull away, and she laughs at me through the kiss. Usually I’d be embarrassed about people seeing that, but I only see Bo right now, and I don’t feel embarrassed about anything with her.

I look across the yard to see Cesar by the door, introducing Jamal to Hunter. Cesar looks nervous, but Hunter hugs both him and Jamal, and Cesar relaxes his shoulders. Hunter was always closer to my brother than he was to me, so I’m glad Cesar finally got the chance to be himself around him.

When the song changes, Bo and I don’t bother getting up off the grass. Instead, we wrap our arms around each other on the ground. Somehow I’m immune to the itchiness, and all I feel is warm. I could fall asleep like this. I guess it’s the safety of it, and that Bo’s whole vibe is so soothing. I open my eyes and see that hers are closed. She’s so goddamn beautiful right now. And all the time, but especially right now. She looks like a friggin’ angel.

She’s sweaty, and her hair is a mess, and the lipstick from our kiss is smeared, and she looks so gorgeous I can’t breathe. Looking at her, I realize I’m not surviving anymore. I’m dancing, and laughing, and living.

I love her. It feels so good to know that with so much confidence. No more second-guessing. No more double life. My cover is blown and it was my choice. I couldn’t be happier.

She opens her eyes and blushes at me staring. I look into those beautiful black holes and wonder why I was ever scared of getting pulled in. I snuggle closer and kiss her nose.

“What are you thinking?” she asks.

I’m thinking that I’m not afraid of anything anymore. I’m not afraid of being like Bo. I’m not afraid to let her see me, and I’m not afraid of seeing myself. I’m not afraid to tell her.

“Tú eres mi otro yo.”





Acknowledgments


One of my favorite things to do is read with my mom. Many of the books we read together over the years inspired me to write my own, and the moment I told her I finished writing one, she asked me to read it aloud to her as if it was just another one of the published books we would read all the time.