Shut Out(42)

It did, usually. I never let Randy talk about my mom, but with Cash, it was okay. It was easy. Still, I said, “Let’s change the subject.”

So for the next few minutes, we talked about nothing important—television, a book he’d just finished, our mutual belief that the lunch ladies were trying to poison us. Then, after a while, we fell quiet.

As we walked along Levitt Avenue, a few mothers pushed strollers past us and, across the street, two middle school–aged girls walked side by side, both holding leashes attached to Labrador puppies. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and for a moment I marveled at the fact that I’d planned to spend the day cleaning instead of walking around the neighborhood. Hamilton really was a nice place—a generic suburb, sure, but pretty and friendly. Usually, I was too worried about other things to notice.

I didn’t even notice that Cash had taken my hand until we’d reached the next corner. We were almost back to my house, having walked around the whole block, and he’d been holding my hand half the time without my even realizing.

“Lissa,” he said slowly. “Look, about Randy and the whole sex thing—”

“Cash, please, it’s embarrassing. Let’s not—”

“No, just listen for a second.” We were standing in front of my house again, and Cash had stopped, using our entwined hands to turn me toward him. “I know you don’t want to talk about your…” He cleared his throat. “About what Randy said at Homecoming. But you should know this. The other night, I told you a decent guy wouldn’t have done that to you. I didn’t just mean embarrassing you in public like that. I meant…”

I stared up at him, our palms still pressed together.

He sighed. “I meant that a decent guy—a smart guy—wouldn’t have let something like sex ruin a good thing. A guy with half a brain wouldn’t have screwed things up with a girl like you.”

“Thanks. That’s sweet of you to say.”

“I’m serious, Lissa.” He lifted his free hand and brushed my cheek, tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear. Both of his hands were touching me, and I didn’t miss the way my heart sped up just a little. “You’re amazing—and he really f*cked up.”

Amazing. He’d said that at Vikki’s party, too. Right before he’d kissed me. Right before he’d broken my heart. I wondered if he meant it this time. If maybe he was trying to tell me something—that he’d been wrong, that he’d made a mistake, that he liked me after all.

“Thank you,” I said. “That means a lot.”

Cash smiled down at me. Then, after a long moment, he let go of my hand and took a step back. “Well… I should get going. We have a game in an hour—Coach wants us there early.”

“Right. I’m glad you came by.”

He looked at me a little skeptically. “Really?”

I laughed and smacked him on the arm. “Of course. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Cash grinned—that sweet, flirty grin he gave me in the library sometimes when our banter went a little further than I’d intended it to. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” He touched my cheek one last time before turning and walking toward his car.

I tried not to think too much about what Cash had said once I was back inside. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Still, I could feel joy bubbling in my chest, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he’d realized what a mistake he’d made by letting me go.





chapter nineteen


“Cock tease.”

I felt my cheeks flush as one of Randy’s football buddies brushed past me in the hall, his words hissing in my ear.

“Hey, assclown,” Chloe snapped, whirling around at my side to face the guy’s retreating form. “Learn some manners or I’ll e-mail the whole high school about how small your dick is—because we both know that I’m aware of exactly how small it is.”

“Whore,” he muttered, shooting Chloe a filthy glare over his shoulder.

“Ha. You might have better luck with a whore, actually. Me? You couldn’t pay me to bang you again. Dick’s too minuscule to keep a lady satisfied. Come on, Lissa.” She took hold of my wrist and pulled me toward the cafeteria.

It was Monday, my first day back at school since I’d caught Randy with The Blonde, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to deal with the lunch situation. I obviously couldn’t sit with Randy and Shane and the others. But where would I go? That’s where I’d been sitting for more than a year. That’s where my friends were.

When we walked into the cafeteria, I seriously considered turning around and going to the library. The Blonde was sitting in Randy’s lap at our usual table, and she was grinning from ear to ear—and who could blame her? She was getting attention from the coolest people in the school. From the cutest boy.

From the boy who was supposed to be mine.

“Boys suck,” I muttered.

“Not all of them are so bad,” Chloe said, dragging me along behind her. “There are a few good ones, I swear.”

“Well, introduce me to them, then. Oh, and where are we sitting?”

“Right here.”

I glanced around at the occupants of the table Chloe had just led me to. Ellen was beaming up at me, sitting in a chair beside Adam, her boyfriend. I felt my cheeks flush as I counted the people at the table—they were all soccer players or soccer players’ girlfriends.