See You at Harry's(22)

“Come on home with us, then,” she says.

At dinner my mom tells us that my dad is at some special meeting, and she does not want to talk about it. I’m sure it’s about the stupid ice-cream labels.

Dinner is vegetarian shepherd’s pie. The fake meat is chewy and weird, and the only one who seems to like it is Ran.

“So, tell us about Gray,” Sara says to Holden. “What’s he like, anyway?”

“None of your business,” Holden says.

“Who’s Gray?” my mom asks.

Sara smiles. “Holden’s new friend.”

“Oh?”

Holden flashes my sister a warning look. “Yeah,” he tells my mom.

“He’s nice,” I say.

“Fern and I were wondering how old he is,” Ran says. I kick him under the table, and he looks at me like he genuinely doesn’t know why. “I was just wondering,” he adds quietly. “Because he seemed kind of old.”

“Old?” my mom asks.

“He’s in high school like me,” Holden says. “Jeez, Ran.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“What grade?” my mom asks.

“Senior,” Holden mumbles toward his plate.

“A senior?”

“Wow!” Sara says. “An older man.”

I picture Gray and Holden holding hands. “He’s really nice,” I say again. “He doesn’t seem that old to me.”

“Is he from Union? Maybe I know him,” Sara says. “I mean, since I’m only a year older than him.”

“You don’t know him. He’s from the Academy,” Holden says.

“The Academy? Really? How did you meet?” my mom asks.

Ran’s head flips back and forth between each family member as if he’s watching a tennis match.

“What is this, the third degree?” Holden asks. “It’s none of your business!”

“I’m only your mother.”

“And this is my life, not yours! We’re not a show!” Holden picks up his plate and storms out of the dining room.

My mom sighs in her usual way. Like she’s disappointed and frustrated but it’s best to let him go. She’s always just letting him run off. Just once I would like to see her go after him and hug him like she hugs Charlie every five minutes. Just once I would like her to hug me.

“He’s so sensitive,” Sara says.

“Are they boyfriends?” my mom whispers.

“Why don’t you ask him?” I say. I remember what Sara told me, about how Holden needs to be the one to tell us he’s gay. But maybe he could use some help. Maybe if my mom would just try to talk with him, he’d open up. But instead of responding, she starts to clear the table.

Ran thanks her for dinner, and I walk him outside while we wait for his mom to come pick him up.

“That was an interesting dinner,” he says.

“I can think of a better word for it.”

“Like what?”

“Sucky?”

“That’s not a word.”

I elbow him. “I just wish my mom weren’t so laid-back, you know? I wish she’d talk to him.”

“Maybe she’s afraid of what he’ll say.”

“Well, yeah. But the thing is, I don’t get what she’s so afraid of.”

His mom pulls into the driveway. “Don’t worry,” he tells me before he gets into the car. “All will be well.”

I wish I could believe it.

Later, as I head toward my room to escape having to play Connect Four with Charlie, I pass by Holden’s bedroom door and hear him talking to someone.

“I could come see you now,” he says. “Yeah. I’ll just sneak out. No problem. My family is totally clueless.”

Slowly, I inch closer to his doorway. He’s lying on his back, knees bent, on top of his perfectly made bed. “You could come pick me up. I could meet you at the end of the street. . . . I know. I’ll get my license next year.”

That is a total lie, since Holden is only fourteen.

I hear Sara coming up the stairs and hurry to my room. I shut the door and lie on my bed, staring at my slanted ceiling where I picked the wallpaper when I was little. Holden’s voice sounded so pleading. So different from today in the car. He sounded like he wanted to escape from us so badly.

My family is totally clueless.

Not all of us are, I think. We love you. You’re the one who’s too clueless to notice.





OUR SCHOOL ROUTINE IS NOW THIS: Sara brings us to school, and Gray picks us up. Sometimes Ran comes to the restaurant with me and sometimes he doesn’t. One thing I notice about the restaurant is that it seems to be getting even busier. During the once-dull time between lunch and dinner, my dad comes out from the back to chat with new customers and fill them in on his version of Harry’s “history.” Sometimes when it gets really busy, he asks me to help scoop ice cream. Even though Sara is supposedly working out back, helping Gil and Patrick, it’s not clear what she’s actually doing. Mostly she just comes out to the dining room, steers people looking for ice cream over to the counter, and then disappears before they can order a cone. As for my mom, she seems to spend more and more time trying to find her inner peace in the upstairs office. I think the busier the restaurant gets, the deeper her peace goes into hiding.