Remember Jamie Baker (Jamie Baker #3)(59)

Ryan’s lips fell slightly open. “Are you kidding?”

He thumbed away the tears on my cheeks and let his fingers run the length of my hair. His beautiful face softened as he smiled into my eyes. “Jamie, I found you. You’re here, you’re safe, and you’re back in my life. How could I be sad about anything? These have been the happiest two days of my life.”

This was such a complete opposite reaction from Teddy that I had no idea how to respond. “But—but—aren’t you disappointed that we’re not together? That things aren’t how they used to be? I mean, yeah, you found me, but you don’t exactly have me back—not the way you want me.”

“Minor details.” Ryan gracefully brushed off my concerns with a wave of his hand. “Besides, this little setback is only temporary.”

“Little setback?” I barked out a single laugh. “I promise this situation isn’t temporary. All those memories you have of us are gone forever for me.”

Ryan smiled even wider. “So we’ll make new memories. Better ones. And I was referring to the not-having-you-the-way-I-want-you part when I said temporary. I’ll win your heart again, Sunshine. I have no doubt about that. So you just relax about my feelings, because I promise you I am not suffering. Not even a little. The only thing that hurts me about all of this is how much you’re struggling with it. I’m sorry I haven’t been doing a very good job of capping my feelings for you. But to be fair, I’ve never been able to do that.”

Sighing, I sank back into the couch and glanced at the ceiling. “I’m not upset by your feelings, Ryan. I’m just…” I struggled to find a good word. But I needed to try to explain, because he deserved the truth, too. “It’s just all so overwhelming and intense. To be honest, I’m scared of your feelings for me.”

“Especially because you respond to them,” Ryan said. When I gasped at the outrageous statement, Ryan grinned and added, “A lot.” I narrowed my eyes. He met my skepticism with egotism. “You know you do.”

Ugh. I hated that he was right. I hated that he knew he was right. “Fine. Yes, all right? I’m attracted to you. I physically respond to your advances. But that just makes everything scarier.”

Grinning that self-assured smile I’ve come to both adore and hate—mostly adore—Ryan leaned toward me, not eliminating the space between us completely, but almost, and said, “It’s a good kind of scary, though. Isn’t it?”

It was an exhilarating kind of scary, but I knew better than to admit as much. Not with him sitting so close to me, looking at me the way he was. “Scary is scary,” I muttered.

He was so good at causing friction. I needed to break the tension before I found myself making out with him again. Because if that happened right now, with him half dressed and us alone in this hotel suite… I wasn’t ready for that, but I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop myself, either. “It’s a little less scary now, though,” I said.

Ryan cocked his head to the side. “How’s that?” He gave me a heart-melting smile. “I need to know what I did right so I can repeat it a lot and break your will even faster.”

I wasn’t in the mood to joke with him. In a rare moment of openness, I took his hand and gave him the sincerest thank-you I was capable of. “Ryan…I…” My voice clouded over with emotion. “Thank you for tonight. You were right before. I’m terrified of tomorrow, but with everything you’ve told me about my past, I feel like I can face it.”

His grin vanished. “You can face it, Jamie. You’re tough. A lot tougher than you think you are. You’ll be fine.”

I believed him. It was impossible not to. He’d said his stepdad was some kind of motivational speaker. He’d obviously picked up on a few tricks.

He took advantage of my hand-holding and knitted our fingers together in an inescapable hold. “And you won’t be alone. I’ll be right by your side the entire time.”

That comforted me more than it probably should have. He’d done so much for me today—given me something I’d desperately needed. I wanted to give him something in return. I looked down at our hands, linked together, and remembered the words he’d whispered to me. It was pretty obvious what Ryan needed. Bracing myself and praying I wouldn’t blush, I closed my eyes and said, “Ryan, would you like to stay with me tonight? In my room, I mean.”

Ryan’s body stiffened, and his eyes flew to my face. My prayers about the not-blushing thing went unanswered. “Just to sleep,” I said quickly. “I’m not ready for anything else, but I could handle that much. If you need it…”

Ryan looked long and deep into my eyes, and then his gaze fell to our hands. He swirled his thumb in small circles on the back of my hand as he thought over my offer. Finally, he wet his lips and said, “I’d better not.”

I was shocked by the rejection. Not offended, just surprised.

He brought his eyes up to mine and forced a smile. It looked pained, as if it were killing him to say this. “I have a great many awesome personality traits. But if I had a notebook like yours, the word restraint would not be in it. Not unless it was preceded by the word no.” He brought my hand to his lips and gave it a soft kiss. “Thank you for the offer, Sunshine. I’ll take you up on it eventually, but for now, I think you’d better go to bed alone.” He let go of my hand and the twinkle returned to his eyes. “And maybe lock the door to your room.”