Remember Jamie Baker (Jamie Baker #3)(58)

Ryan flashed me a cocky smile. “I had the guys put my bag in here.”

“You did not.”

I glanced at Johnny G and Smut. Their grins said it all. When I glared at Ryan, he smiled shamelessly and slid his arm back around my waist. “I tried to bet all the guys twenty bucks that you’d let me stay tonight.”

Smut smirked at me. “None of us were stupid enough to take that bet.”

My mouth fell open and they all cracked up at the look on my face. Even Major Wilks chuckled. “Morons,” I muttered.

Deprived of my dignity, I left them to have their laugh and headed for the bathroom. As I shut myself in, looking forward to a long, hot soak in the really nice bathtub, I yelled out to Ryan. “The couch, Loverboy! And I am not joking! If you try to climb into my bed tonight, I will roast you!”

Their laughter doubled in volume, so I slammed the door.

. . . . .

I stayed in the bath for a long time. I was tired, but my mind was racing and with all the anticipation of the coming day I couldn’t relax enough to sleep. The bed in the master suite was huge and looked really comfortable, but I just couldn’t bring myself to crawl into it. My mind was stuck on the guy in the living room.

Sighing, I accepted my attraction to him and gave in to what I wanted. My heart thumped when I went out there. Ryan was lying on the couch under a thin blanket, fast asleep with the TV playing in the background. He seemed so peaceful.

Not having the heart to wake him up, I clicked off the television and was going to go back to bed when his soft, sleepy voice called out to me. “Jamie?” He sat up and my pulse spiked. He wasn’t wearing a shirt again. “Is something wrong?” he asked.

Blinking, I tried to remember why I’d come out here. It couldn’t have been just to lust over his amazing body. “No, sorry. Go back to sleep.”

If he realized I was distracted by his appearance, he didn’t show it. He simply patted the couch next to him. If there had been any hint of arrogance in the gesture, I’d have gone back to bed, but his smile was one hundred percent understanding.

I sat down next to him, surprising myself when I didn’t bother to leave any space between us. Ryan tucked me against him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And really, it was the most natural thing in the world. Teddy always wanted to cuddle, and I’d occasionally done so to humor him, but it had never been this easy.

The moment I leaned against Ryan, my entire body relaxed. Holding me firmly against him, Ryan laid us back, pulled my back against his chest, and draped his arm over my waist. It was so easy to let him hold me.

Ryan picked up the remote, turned the volume of the TV to the lowest setting, and clicked through the channels until he found a cartoon. I smiled, though he couldn’t see it. “I love Kim Possible.”

Ryan’s chest shook with a soft laugh. “Me too. She reminds me a lot of you.”

I didn’t respond to that other than to smile to myself.

Within minutes, Ryan’s grip on me loosened and his breathing evened out. The steady motion of his chest rising and falling behind me as he slept was soothing, and eventually my eyelids drooped.

Not quite brave enough to spend the night in his arms, I tried to slip out of his grip so I could retreat to the safety of my own bed. The moment I moved, Ryan’s arm clamped tightly around me, the motion almost panicked. “Don’t go yet, babe.” He nuzzled his face in the back of my neck as he whispered, “You feel so real this time.”

My stomach lurched as understanding hit me. In his half-asleep state, he thought he was dreaming my presence. And with his guard fully down, I heard all of his longing, and his fear that I might leave him. I heard his true need for me for the first time. His vulnerability killed me.

I couldn’t bear to disappoint him, so I leaned back again and relaxed. Ryan let out a huge sigh of relief and clung to me as if he couldn’t hold me tight enough. Once he relaxed, his mouth found my neck, making me shiver. He mirrored the action with his own shudder. “I love you so much, Jamie. More than you’ll ever know. Please don’t leave me again.”

Gasping, I shot off the couch before I electrocuted him. He blinked himself out of a daze and looked up at me, startled. His face paled as he realized he hadn’t been dreaming. “Jamie, I’m so sorry. I—”

“Do you have dreams like that—about me—often?”

Ryan gulped. “Often enough.”

There was a long, awkward pause where neither of us knew what to do or say next. Ryan was the first to move. He rubbed his eyes and let out a long breath before meeting my gaze again. “I’m sorry. I’ve been trying so hard not to pressure you. I know you don’t feel the same as me right now, and that’s okay. I mean it, I really understand. But when you’re close like that…” He blew out another breath and raked his hand through his short hair. “You’re right. I can’t separate myself from my feelings.”

As much as I’d already known that, his confession startled me. Still, I was grateful for the honesty. After so long of living with Teddy and having him refuse to see what was really happening between us, knowing that Ryan could admit the truth was a relief.

When Ryan grimaced up at me and apologized again, I sat back down. I left a little space between us, and this time Ryan didn’t try to close the gap. “Don’t apologize,” I said. My eyes brimmed over with sudden tears. “You’re all smiles, but I know this can’t be easy for you. I’m sorry I’m not what you expected.”