Remember Jamie Baker (Jamie Baker #3)(52)
He paused, considering my plea. “It’s really that important to you?”
“To know who I was? To know where I came from and why I am how I am?” I nodded. “You don’t realize it because you have yours, but a head full of memories is everything. My life was essentially stolen from me. You’ve had twenty years to live and experience stuff. I’ve had six months. My entire existence is one big, gaping hole. I’m confused all the time about the most basic things. I have so many questions. I feel like I’ve been cheated out of so much. I may not remember the things you tell me, but at least when you explain I can understand. It’s something to fill the void.”
“Hey, Jamie…”
I didn’t realize I was so upset until his voice turned soft. He took my hand and gently pulled me against him. I didn’t even hesitate this time when he put his arms around me. I melted against him and soaked in his comfort. It really wasn’t a mystery how I’d ended up with Ryan Miller in my pre-amnesia life. All he probably had to do was hold me once when I needed it. Letting out a long sigh, I leaned against him and enjoyed the moment.
Ryan held me tightly, rocking me gently, caressing my hair with one of his hands. “I’m sure it’s scary,” he said, his voice soft and understanding. “But you aren’t alone in this anymore, okay? Teddy couldn’t help you because he didn’t have any of the answers you were looking for. He barely knew you.”
Ryan pulled me out of his chest and placed his hands on my cheeks, forcing me to look up at him. His eyes had lost their playful sparkle, but they were filled with emotion. “The thing about truly loving someone,” he said, thumbing away a rogue tear from my cheek, “is you pay attention. From the moment we met, I’ve never been able to get enough of you. I know just about everything there is to know about you. If it’s answers you need, I have them. I’ll tell you anything.”
“Tell me how we fell in love.” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I even knew what I was asking. It’s just that with the look in his eyes, and the way he held me, I could feel his love and it was so much more than Teddy had ever felt. Teddy had made his share of passionate declarations, but they had always been spoken out of desperation and need. Ryan was only concerned for me.
I realized something right then. Love—real, honest, true love—is selfless. Teddy only ever thought about his own wants and needs. He helped me so much, but everything he’d done was in an attempt to get what he wanted. Ryan wanted me. He was desperate to earn my feelings again, but I knew that if I sincerely told him I couldn’t be in a relationship with him, he would find a way to deal with it and still help me.
The storm of emotion in Ryan’s eyes cleared, and he smiled—a genuine, happy smile that, for once, had not a single drop of arrogance. “That’s my favorite story.”
When Ryan told me he had somewhere special that he wanted to take me before he told me the story of us, I expected to end up at the Grand Canyon. Instead, I found myself deep in the woods in the mountains of California. The grand log-cabin style home I stood in front of was absolutely picturesque. It was two stories, with a large picture window in the front and a wraparound porch that turned into a deck out back.
The forest was peaceful, and the overwhelming scent of fresh pine was magic on my nerves. When we arrived, Ryan quietly let me take in the sight for a moment. I eventually closed my eyes and took a deep breath, allowing the serenity to wash over me. My heart was with the desert, but this was a very close second. “This place is a dream,” I whispered.
Ryan slipped his hand into mine and led me up the steps. Matching my reverent tone, he chuckled softly and said, “You haven’t seen the best part yet.”
He brought me around to the back of the house out onto the deck that overlooked a gorgeous lake. The view was magnificent. “Lake Tahoe,” he informed me as we leaned against the porch railing. He pointed across the water to a specific spot that he probably couldn’t see, but with my eyes I knew it was a small beach. “That used to be your number-one study spot until I brought you here. You used to struggle a lot with your senses and liked to escape to quiet places. The Grand Canyon is your favorite, but you’ve always had a soft spot for this lake, too.”
“I can see why.”
I took another moment to enjoy the view, but then a cool breeze kicked up, prickling my skin, reminding me that it was only late April and I was in the mountains wearing a short skirt and a tank top. Rubbing my arms, I looked at the beautiful home behind me. “I don’t suppose your name is on the deed to this place, is it?”
Ryan laughed. “Unfortunately, no, but I do have the entry code.” He led me back around the house and punched a number into the security panel next to the garage door. “This is my stepdad’s cabin. He lets me come here whenever I want, but it’s been a while.” He swallowed. “About six months, actually.”
It wasn’t difficult to put the pieces together. Meeting his gaze, I was the one to reach out and take his hand, offering a supportive squeeze. “This was our place?”
Ryan nodded, smiling down at our hands. He laced our fingers together and led me inside. “We never brought anyone else here with us. When we needed to get away from everything, we would come here and sit on the back deck, drinking Magic Tea in front of the fire.”