Remember Jamie Baker (Jamie Baker #3)(51)

Surprise flashed in Ryan’s eyes, but he was clearly thrilled with my response and wasted no time scooping my hand into his. He didn’t kiss it, though. Held it and gently rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand as he gave me a searching look.

The fact that I’d surprised him had me curious. So far he’d known me inside and out. He’s seen everything I’d done or said from a mile away. Why was what I’d done so unexpected? “Am I different now?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

He took a moment to look me over before answering, studying me as if trying to figure out a puzzle. “Yes and no.”

He stared at me so long that I began to feel self-conscious. His thoughtful gaze weighed down on me. What was he thinking? Was he judging me? Comparing me to the girl he used to love? He kept her on such a high pedestal, always talking about her as if she were this perfect angel. I was far from perfect. Did I fall short of his dream girl? That possibility didn’t sit well with me.

A wistful smile crossed his face and he looked down at our hands, mine still cradled in his. “You’re still the girl I fell in love with, but there seem to be a few slight differences. Good ones,” he added, as if he knew his confession had made my stomach twist inside out. He met my gaze again. “It’s hard to describe, but you seem more…lighthearted. Less closed off. You’re…friendlier. Happier.”

My eyebrows shot up. “You can’t be serious.”

I’d been nothing but untrusting, cold, and standoffish to any of the ACEs since meeting them—especially toward Ryan because of our history. With my memories gone, never to return, I’d been an emotional wreck. What part of all my crying and ranting suggested I was happier? What kind of depressed, crazy freak had I been before?

Ryan laughed once. “It’s hard to believe, I know, but I swear it’s true. You deserved your Ice Queen title, but it wasn’t because you were naturally mean. You used to be so afraid of your power. You were terrified of hurting people. You’d hurt someone once before, accidentally, and you carried the guilt all the time.”

A somber mood fell over us, and his voice quieted. He squeezed the hand he was still holding and started caressing it with his thumb again. “You’ve had some really hard years. Your memories used to control you. You lived in constant fear and guilt. Now, it’s as if you’ve been freed of the past. As much as I wish you remembered me, I’m relieved that your nightmares don’t haunt you anymore.”

I gulped. What could have been so awful? I’d never considered the possibility that my memories might be so horrible that I’m better off without them. My heart raced as I debated asking for details. Eventually my need to know won out. “Will you tell me about it?”

“Your accident?”

“The accident. Getting my powers. What I was like. Why I deserved being called an ice queen. All of it.”

With a slow, subdued nod, he finally brought my hand to his lips. His touch was light as a feather and gave me the chills, tearing down any resolve I had, as if he himself were some kind of drug to me. It was only a peck on the back of my hand, but he practically had me melting in my seat from it. How in the world did he do that?

Startled, I glanced up, hoping Ryan had missed my reaction to him, but he was waiting for me to look with a self-satisfied smile on his face. He knew exactly what he was doing. He was doing it on purpose, and he was thoroughly enjoying himself. When my jaw dropped open, he winked at me and laughed as I ripped my hand away from him.

I’m not sure who I was more annoyed with—him or myself. He was cocky for sure, but his arrogance was completely justified. I played right into his hands every time he made a move. “Would you just tell me about my accident?” I snapped, reaching for the pizza on my plate.

With a sigh, Ryan launched into the story, filling me in on everything. And I mean everything. He talked for nearly forty-five minutes. First he told me about my parents, and that I’d been raised a small-town girl right here in Illinois. He seemed to love the fact that I was once a blonde-haired blue-eyed beauty queen and cheerleader. Honestly, even though I’d seen a picture before blowing up Teddy’s computer, I still couldn’t believe it.

After giving me a bright, happy foundation, he finally got to the darker memories he’d hinted of earlier. He was right that my past was pretty horrific. After learning how I’d killed my boyfriend with my powers, and had a few close calls with my parents once or twice, I understood the Ice Queen thing.

The atmosphere was a lot heavier as we finished our dinner, thanks to the downer story that was the life of Jamie Baker. I had a lot of info to digest, but I didn’t want to kill the mood for the rest of the evening. I scrambled for something to say that might cheer us both up. The only topic I could think of was a dangerous one. Bringing it up could start something with Ryan that I wasn’t sure I was ready to jump into. But at the same time, I couldn’t ignore the excitement and hope growing in me. “So how did we get from Homecoming King and Ice Queen to future Mr. and Mrs.?”

Just as I suspected would happen, Ryan grinned from ear to ear as he held the door to the pizzeria open for me. “That is a much more entertaining story, and one I would love to tell you. But it’s all about remembering for me. Are you sure you want to hear it?”

As much as I loved that he was trying to respect my lack of memory, he’d been the one to suggest ignoring my past, not me. Personally, I was so desperate for my memories that borrowing his was better than having none at all. I stepped out onto the sidewalk, not sure which direction to go. When he caught up with me, I said, “I’m sure. Please tell me. I really need to know.”