Rayne & Delilah's Midnite Matinee(36)

Judging from my parents’ stony expressions, I’m absolutely slaying with this bit. I know I’m being muscled, but I’m conflicted enough that I don’t have the fight in me that I otherwise would.

“Okay, fine,” I say quietly. A cold stab of remorse pierces me in the solar plexus. I’m selling out Delia. Maybe. But if I didn’t make this promise, my parents would lean on me not to go, so I’m actually a really good friend, right? This is what Delia would want, right?

“You promise?” Dad asks.

“Yes. That’s what ‘okay, fine’ means.” I scratch Buford’s tummy vigorously and speak right in his face. “Doesn’t it? Doesn’t it, Bufie Beans? Who’s a good boy? Who knows what ‘okay, fine’ means? You do.” He winces and tries to leave, but I grab him in a hug with one arm and keep scratching his belly.

“We’re trying to support you, Jo. We’re not pushing you to go to law school or become a computer programmer. But we want you to chase your dreams in the most effective way,” Dad says.

I stop scratching Buford and let him hobble away. I stare at the table and listen to the distant bright chitter of Alexis talking with her friends. I’m sure Delia would love knowing that she’s considered an inconvenience to the realization of my dreams.

I feel like I’ve just signed a deal with a benevolent devil who paid for my braces and who’s paying for my car insurance and health insurance and college.

I ambush Buford on my way back to my bedroom. I give him a huge hug, from which he struggles to free himself, and I say, “Who’s the worst friend, Bufie Buns? Huh? Who is the worst friend to Auntie Delia? Is it me? It’s me!” He looks at me evenly with his sad, brown, judgmental eyes. “Oh, whatever,” I say. “Like you’re a perfect friend. Remember the time you betrayed me by pooping on the stairs and I slipped in it with my bare feet and fell down and twisted my ankle and had to go to the ER? Yeah, I think you do remember. The truth hurts. The truth hurts.”

He just looks at me.

???

Me: Ok, talked with the parents. ShiverCon is happening.

Delia: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Were they chill about it?

Me: SUPER CHILL. They were like “do whatever, brah.” Chill is their personal brand.

Delia: Wait really???

Me: Please, are you kidding?

Delia: Haha I don’t know.

Me: You really do actually kinda know at this point.

Delia: Ok fine. Wanna hear something hilarious?

Me: I like how you still give me the opportunity to say “no, I hate hilarious stuff.”

Delia: I still haven’t asked my mom if I can go.

Me: OH. HILARIOUS THAT YOU RODE MY ASS REPEATEDLY FOR SOMETHING YOU DIDN’T DO YOURSELF. You are SUCH a butthole.

Delia: IKR??? She’s going to say yes.

Me: YOU DON’T KNOW THAT.

Delia: I really do actually kinda know at this point.

Me: What are you doing right now?

Delia: Just got done watching Jason X on Syfy.

Me: Haha that movie is like Alien for dumb people.

Delia: OK I WAS LITERALLY THINKING ALMOST THAT EXACT THING.

Me: GTFO!

Delia: SWEAR.

Me: We should, like, do a TV show together.

Delia: Ha, K.

Me: What if Jack Divine makes things happen for us? What if we blow up and become rich?

Delia: I would buy an old-timey motorcycle and sidecar and have a trained chimpanzee sidekick ride around with me everywhere.

Me: And he’s wearing goggles???

Delia: We both are. And he’s smoking a pipe and wearing a tuxedo.

Me: AMAZING.

Delia: Your turn.

Me: I’m gonna pull out a stack of twenties and make it rain in super inappropriate places, like elevators and public restrooms.

Delia: Nice. I won’t let money change me.

Me: Me neither. I’ll be the same person I’ve always been: someone who intends to become absolutely horrible at the first hint of money and fame.

Delia: Hahahahahahahahahahaha. I’d buy my mom a nicer house than our dumpy trailer for sure.

Me: I’d pay for Alexis’s college, but the catch would be that I get to choose where she goes. So enjoy your Bible college in Arkansas or whatever.

Delia: We should do something nice for Arliss.

Me: Let’s hire two 18-year-old girls for him to grump at all the time.

Delia: He’s gonna miss us.

Me: I would.

Delia: I’ll miss him.

Me: Same.

Delia: BTW when I typed “Arliss” just now, it autocorrected to “Ass IRL.”

Me: This world is filled with truth and beauty and magic.

???

I’m catching up on my shows, but I keep zoning out. I thought texting with Delia would help with the restlessness and anxiety from my negotiation with my parents, but it didn’t. It actually kinda made me feel worse.

Take two.

Me: What are you doing?

Lawson: Staring at a tall, cool protein shake. Working up the will to drink it.

Me: Mmmmmmmmmm. Stop making me jealous.

Lawson: Yeah, I’m trying to pretend it’s a milkshake.

Me: I think milkshakes are weird.

Lawson: Please don’t say you hate milkshakes too.

Me: No, but it’s weird drinking melted ice cream with a hamburger. Admit it. If it was called a large melted ice cream, people wouldn’t get them.