Rayne & Delilah's Midnite Matinee(28)

The end credits roll.

Josie turns to me and says, “Do you think cave people let their cave kids draw garbage drawings on the walls of the cave?”





“Arliss seems to be in a way better mood than usual,” I whisper to Delia.

On set, Arliss, dressed as Professor Von Heineken (he voluntarily did it for this segment, another rare wonder), stands braced, holding a wooden board in both hands, the camera rolling behind him. Lawson, dressed in his Tae Kwon Do outfit (he told me what it’s called but I forgot) and a skeleton mask, does a spin kick and breaks the board cleanly in half. Arliss whoops.

“All this time, the key to his heart was people breaking stuff with kicks,” Delia says.

“Okay,” Arliss says to Lawson as they set up several boards between cinder blocks. “When you break the boards, look right into the camera and yell, and I’m going to do a tight zoom, like in an old martial arts movie.”

“You gotta keep working it with Lawson,” Delia whispers. “He makes the show more interesting, and he transforms Arliss into less of a dickhead.”

“By the way, did you notice how Lawson was dressed when he arrived tonight?” I ask.

“Kind of. I thought he was trying to look cool for the show.”

“No! Because why do that if he knew he was going to wear his Tae Kwon Do outfit?”

“Excellent point.”

“Remember how he dressed last time?”

“Vaguely. Didn’t he sort of dress like a basic dude?”

“Exactly, which is why you can’t even remember. Like he buys everything from American Eagle or whatever. So this time—”

Delia giggles. “He’s wearing these obviously brand-new black skinny jeans and black Vans and—”

“A black leather cuff.”

“You’re right. He’s totally—”

“Shhhhhhh!”

Delia lowers her voice. “He’s totally dressing to impress you.”

“Isn’t it so funny?”

“It’s adorable.”

“Like what if he was wearing a spanking new fedora from Target too?”

“The leather cuff is the fedora of the wrist.”

“You should tell him where you got your stinky vinyl pants,” I say. “He might be in the market.”

We crack up as silently as we can, hands over our mouths, clutching at each other. I bury my face in Delia’s arm. Arliss and Lawson are too busy to notice. At least I hope so. Lawson’s been throwing bashful little sidelong glances in my direction all night.

“Quiet on set!” Arliss hollers, briefly back to his old self. “Shut your asses.”

But this just makes us cackle harder, so we run outside, sit on the back steps, and laugh loud and long, the sticky humidity taking only minutes to make our vampire garb cling to our backs like leaves on wet pavement. At some point, we’re not even laughing at the original thing anymore; we’re laughing at how much we’re laughing.

“He is in luhhhhhve,” Delia says.

“We should go back in,” I say, wiping tears.

“It’s pretty cute how much he wants to French you.”

“Delia! Ew!”

“By the way, did you ask your parents about going to ShiverCon?” Delia’s tone goes abruptly from teasing to anxious.

“No.”

“What?”

“I’m going to. Chill.”

“Okay, you gotta do it soon.”

“I will.”

“Promise.”

“I just said I would.” Then after a pause, “I meant to tell you, your pants smell better. I mean, not better, but, you know, less bad. They didn’t make my car stink this time.”

Delia pulls her knee to her nose and takes a long sniff. “Yeah, I think the fumes needed to evaporate, maybe.”

“Or they’ve killed off our smell buds or whatever’s in your nose.”

“I’m going to email Jack Divine and try to start a dialogue.”

“Start a dialogue?”

“I don’t know! Start the ball rolling. How’s that?”

“?‘Dialogue’ sounds smarter. What are you gonna say?”

“I gotta track down his email first.”

“Then what are you going to tell him?”

“Haven’t gotten that far yet. Maybe send him some clips.”

“Plan it out, so you don’t ramble.”

“I don’t ramble. Rude.” But Delia gives that lopsided smile she reserves for when she knows she’s been justifiably roasted.

“No, when you get nervous, you do.”

“I’m going to tell him we want to meet him at ShiverCon and discuss possible next steps.”

“Just be normal. Don’t be weird and businessy.”

“I won’t.”

“Don’t use phrases like ‘synergy’ and ‘step up to the plate.’?”

“I don’t even know what synergy is.”

“And don’t tell him ‘we’ until I know for sure if I’m coming.”

“Then ask.”

We hear Arliss bellowing. We spring to our feet and run inside. He’s counting down from some number, and he’s on four. I assume when he gets to zero, he’s walking away whether the show is finished or not.