Playing for Keeps (Heartbreaker Bay #7)(40)

Up here, she was on top of the world.

She could see down to the marina and the glorious red of the Golden Gate Bridge against the azure blue of the bay. She could see the infamous Alcatraz, the Palace of Fine Arts, the Coit Tower on Nob Hill, and the new massive Salesforce tower. She turned in a slow circle, taking in the amazing three-hundred-and-sixty-degree view as she worked at slowing her breathing, trying to consciously control her wildly ricocheting thoughts.

Still feeling shaky, she moved to the small love seat in the far corner that that owner of the building, Spence Baldwin, had brought up here. He liked to stargaze.

Sadie liked to be alone.

She sank to the love seat and covered her eyes, knowing the truth. She’d lost her collective shit, and oh how she hated that. It signified a weakness, and more than anything, she hated to be weak.

And yet she was. Three years ago, she’d been so proud of herself, feeling like she’d conquered her past, come to terms with herself. She’d moved on with a clean slate.

But then she’d met Wes. And as ashamed as she was to admit this to herself, he’d set her back. Not at first. For the first four months, it’d been great. He’d had his life together and that had been attractive to her. But work had gotten rough for him and he’d gotten moody, taking it out on her one night as he’d stripped off the tie and suit jacket she thought she loved so much.

He’d said some cruel things that night, such as he couldn’t talk to her about what was important to him because she wasn’t like normal people, meaning she didn’t worry about job security or save for the future because the future didn’t seem to mean anything to her.

None of which was actually true. At least, not true anymore, because she’d been changing, growing up, maturing, and those things had become important to her. But hearing him throw her old faults in her face had been devastating. She’d escaped into her bathroom, stared at herself in the mirror, and hadn’t recognized the face staring back at her.

Her plain brown hair because Wes had thought the use of “not hair” colors such as streaks of purple meant mental instability.

No piercings except the two small hoops in her ears.

Spray tan because he thought her skin too pasty white.

Face just a little bit gaunt because he didn’t believe in desserts and felt they were too big of a weakness for her.

Ashamed at what she’d done next, of the memories assaulting her, Sadie leaned her head back against the love seat on the roof and closed her eyes.

But she couldn’t erase the movie playing in her head. She’d tugged her sundress up, exposing her upper thigh. She’d had her two scars tattooed over by then and she loved those tattoos. Not willing to ruin them, she’d pressed a razor blade to the skin just beneath the second tattoo.

She hadn’t cut herself since age seventeen and that she’d let herself be so affected truly humiliated and horrified her. But that wasn’t even the worst part of that night. Nope, it had been when she’d heard a husky male moan and looked up.

Wes standing in the bathroom doorway, videoing her on his phone, his eyes dark with excitement.

He’d fetishized her cutting.

She’d never felt so exposed in her life, and that was saying something given the time she’d spent locked away, the forced therapy, the poking and prodding of doctors to soothe her freaked-out mom.

Unable to sit still, Sadie rose to her feet and stared up at the sky. With about a half hour until dark, it was a kaleidoscope of colors. A few clouds, one of which looked like an elephant floating lazily across the sky. Another looked like a pepperoni pizza, which reminded her that she was hungry again.

And far too antsy to sit.

Rising, she took the few steps to the corner of the building, liking the wind on her face. Almost without thinking about it, she rubbed the phantom ache at the top of her thigh.

“Sadie.”

Startled, she simply reacted to the low voice that came from just behind her, twisting, her arms coming up into a defensive pose as she led with a roundhouse kick designed to land right at a man’s groin.

That man being the last man she wanted to see right then. Caleb.





Chapter 14




Caleb dodged the foot aimed at his family jewels, instead taking Sadie’s deceptively hard kick to his right upper thigh. “Damn, woman,” he said, fascinated as he rubbed the spot where he most definitely was going to bruise. “You’ve got moves.”

She didn’t seem impressed by his opinion. Or by him. And he knew he’d set them back more than a few steps with whatever that had been downstairs. She was pale, her eyes hollow. “I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, allowing her to keep the distance she’d put between them.

Without responding, she crossed her arms over her chest and turned away, going back to staring out at the setting sun. She was wearing a long black knit skirt that had a slit up the back and clung to her hips and legs. Her top was sheer black and gauzy, fitting loose over a soft gray camisole that hugged her like a second skin. She wore kickass boots, which matched the kickass expression on her face. If she was trying to intimidate the world, the fuck-off-and-die ‘tude was a nice touch.

An icy breeze blew over them and he saw her shiver. He came up behind her, making sure to let his footsteps make enough noise that she knew he was coming. Stopping a few inches back, he shrugged out of his jacket and said, “You’re chilled. I’m going to put my jacket on your shoulders.” He waited a beat, but she didn’t respond so he covered her shoulders.