P.S. I Like You(29)

And my … heart’s in pieces.

And my … soul is twisting.

And my … throat is aching.

Because I’ve finally woken up to find:

That I’ve been Left Behind.

The song wasn’t finished, but I was satisfied with the first verse and chorus. I patted the newspaper clipping on my wall.

“I’m getting closer,” I told it.

Now I only had to work up the nerve to actually let someone else hear the song. One step at a time.

An image had worked its way into my mind as I wrote. It had inspired the crooked smile line. Lucas. The way he’d looked at me at the football game. I knew he wasn’t my letter writer—as a senior, he didn’t take Chemistry—and therefore not who this song was about. But his face was inspiring me. That, and the letters. Apparently my pen pal was good luck. His letters put me in the mood to write songs. And even with the interruptions constantly happening at my house, if I would reread one of his letters, I was back in the moment. It was amazing. It made time fly by. I didn’t even mind that Isabel was out of town and that I stayed home all weekend. I got to stay in my little bubble of writing and daydreaming.



If I hummed in the school halls on a Monday, would I get kicked for it? Mondays weren’t for humming. It was probably better to keep the song in my head. My heart was singing too, bouncing around in my chest as I headed to Chemistry. When I walked into the classroom, a wall of noise hit me. People were chatting, texting, laughing. My eyes went to the front of the classroom to see a substitute. Then my eyes were on my seat. Sasha, who normally sat in the second row, was sitting next to Lauren.

My heart dropped.

I reminded myself that we had a seating chart that the sub would have to use to take roll. So I went to claim my place. Sasha and Lauren were in the middle of a conversation I couldn’t help but overhear.

“I tried that,” Sasha said. “It didn’t work. What else does he like? I swear I’ve never had to work this hard for a guy to ask me out in my life.”

“Why don’t you ask him out?” Lauren suggested.

“I tried that, too. He laughed it off. Like I was joking or something.”

Were they talking about Cade? Maybe Isabel was right. Maybe he and Sasha weren’t dating yet.

I reached the girls and cleared my throat. I offered Sasha a smile when she looked up at me.

“Oh, hi, Lily,” Sasha said. “Let’s switch. Mine is row two, fourth seat over.”

“I’m sure Mr. Ortega left the sub the chart.”

She shrugged. “We’re both here so it won’t matter. It’s not like he’ll know which one of us is which.”

“Right.” I just wanted to read my letter. I could see the penciled words on the desk, as obvious as if they’d been written in neon lights. That arrow pointing to the bottom of the desk, basically showing her there was something waiting there, was as obvious as ever. Why hadn’t I erased the desktop?

She widened her eyes at me. “What?”

If I said something now, she’d discover the note for sure. “Nothing.”

I turned and forced myself down to the second row, thinking about how Sasha and Cade would be perfect for each other.

I glanced over my shoulder again. Maybe I didn’t have to worry about her finding the letter at all. It was possible my pen pal had gotten displaced today, too. Maybe there wasn’t a letter.

Or maybe Sasha was about to find it because her eyes were now on the desktop, her head tilted as she read the words there. My heart was pounding. Lauren whispered something to her and Sasha laughed, her focus changing direction. I took a breath of relief.

I looked over my shoulder so much throughout the rest of class that finally Sasha let me know exactly how she felt about it with a rude hand gesture. I hadn’t meant for her to notice.

Toward the end of class the door squeaked open and in walked Cade Jennings. Great.

“Can I help you?” the sub asked.

Cade’s eyes scanned the room, landing on Sasha. She smiled and he winked. Looks like she hadn’t needed to worry after all. Cade walked a few steps forward and addressed the sub. “Yes, I was told to inform you that your class should get out ten minutes early today to give the students time to get to the assembly.”

“Really?”

While Cade was playing whatever prank he and his friends decided was funny, I figured I should probably write my pen pal a letter even though I hadn’t read his yet. I didn’t always need to be the responder. I’d write him a letter, then leave it on my way out.

I pulled out a sheet of paper while the sub looked through his notes on the desk, trying to confirm Cade’s claim.

Almost out of time. Haven’t read your note yet. Long story.

Remember a while back, I was trying to leave you on a happy note and I ended up talking about Mondays and how they suck … sort of defeating my purpose? Well, I take back my labeling of poor, innocent Monday. I found myself humming this morning on my way to class. Is it illegal to hum on a Monday? I blame you.

“I see nothing about this,” the sub said.

“That’s why I’m here telling you,” Cade answered with his big smile.

“Your name?”

“Jack Ryan.”

He said it in a casual tone, not in the deep voice that would indicate he was mocking the teacher. Sasha snorted from behind me and that’s when the teacher’s brow went down.