One Small Thing(49)

The moment Mom’s gone, I let out a squeal of joy. Several passersby turn their heads in my direction, but I don’t care if they think I’m a crazy person. I have a life again! I’m getting my phone back soon. I’m allowed to volunteer again. I get my door back. I’m about to see my friends.

This fucking rocks.

Inside the restaurant, I order a chocolate milkshake while I wait for my girls. The first sip of chocolaty goodness tastes phenomenal. Or maybe it’s the flavor of freedom that’s making my taste buds dance.

“Ahhhhh!”

That’s Macy’s opening line when my three friends hurry up to my booth.

“You’re freeeeee!” Yvonne chimes in, while Scarlett slides onto the bench beside me and smacks kisses on my cheek.

I giggle and try to bat her off me. “Chillax, Love Machine. You’ll ruin my makeup.”

“You don’t wear makeup,” she retorts, rolling her eyes.

“Which we should totally hate you for,” Yvonne chides as she and Macy sit across from us. “Nobody is allowed to have skin that smooth and flawless without the use of BB cream.”

The waitress comes over and takes their drink order. We all take a break from chatting to study our menus and figure out what we’re going to eat. I decide on a burger and fries to go with my milkshake. While Macy and Yvonne are still deciding, I discreetly slide Scarlett’s gift onto her knee under the booth.

“What’s this?” she whispers.

“Just a bestie present,” I whisper back. “Open it when you get home.”

She beams. “You da best, Beth.”

I mock gasp. “You called me Beth!”

“Did I? Nah, you’re imagining it.”

I poke her in the ribs. “You totally did.”

The four of us joke around and gossip until our lunch arrives, and then we keep joking and gossiping even as we’re eating, not caring that our mouths are full and everyone’s probably staring at us in disapproval. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this relaxed around my friends. At school, the tension that Chase’s presence creates is always looming like a dark cloud over our heads. At home, I don’t have a phone or a door or any privacy to talk to my friends.

This is the best day ever.

Or at least it is until Yvonne brings up Chase.

“Okay, so I know we’re not allowed to talk about Charlie Donnelly,” she starts.

“Who said we’re not allowed to talk about him?” I interject.

Her gaze darts in Scarlett’s direction before returning to me.

Sighing, I glance at my best friend. “You’re telling people not to talk to me about him?”

“Of course I am,” she says hotly. “Every time anyone brings up his name, your face goes white like a ghost and you look like you’re going to throw up.”

“Actually, you did throw up,” Macy reminds me.

“Yeah, from shock.” I shrug. “But now that I know he’s at Darling and there’s not much I can do about it, I can’t let him affect me anymore.” Except he does affect me, more than my friends will ever know. I think about him constantly.

I turn to Yvonne. “What were you going to say about him?”

She takes a long sip of her soda before speaking. “My sister’s home from college this weekend and she was out with her friends last night and all this stuff about Charlie came up.”

I frown. “What kind of stuff?”

“Well, okay, you know how Taylor’s friends with some girls from Lincoln, right?”

Taylor is Yvonne’s older sister, and I have no idea who her friends are, but I nod in spite of that.

“They’re two years older than us, like Taylor, and one of them knew Charlie back in the day,” Yvonne goes on. “Her name’s Maria—I don’t know if you guys ever met her.”

“Why would we have met her?” Scarlett says. “You just said they’re two years older than us.”

“True. Whatever. Anyway, Maria lives in Lincoln and she was friends with Charlie. They hung out in the summers, and I guess they hung out the other night. Thursday night,” Yvonne says, giving me a meaningful look. “She was at Karl’s party.”

“Kav,” I correct.

“Whatever.” She takes another sip. “Charlie went to that party, too. Did you know that?”

Macy gasps. “Oh my God, did you see him when you were there?”

“No,” I lie. “But I didn’t stay very long at all.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” Scarlett says, reaching over to squeeze my shoulder. “Imagine he tried hanging out with you at a party?”

“Or if he made a move on you?” Macy adds with a gasp.

I swallow a lump of guilt. Been there, done that. Except it was me who wanted to hang out with him at that first party, and me who made the move on him. The truth sits on the tip of my tongue, and I’m so tempted, so tempted, to spill all the dirty, horrible, wonderful details.

I want to tell my friends that I had sex for the first time. I want to tell them how confused I am about Chase, how I think I might have feelings for him but I don’t know if it’s because the sex bonded us or if I actually like him.

But I can’t say a word. I’m terrified they’ll judge me. Or worse, that they’ll judge me, hate me for it and then tell the entire school what I did. Or even worse than that, tell my parents.