My Beloved: A Thin Love Novella(29)

“You need to forgive her.”

He would have never thought those words would leave Keira’s mouth. He thought maybe he’d heard her wrong, possibly that the champagne had dulled her senses. One step, two, and Kona moved behind her, but didn’t touch. “What?”

Keira shook her head, turned to face Kona with her hand rubbing her neck. “I was mad today, because you and Ransom kept her being there from me. I was mad at you for not telling me about the job and I was so tired of the photographers and the fuss and the… stress that being in your world was causing me.” He had to will himself from touching her, from pulling her close when she laid her hand on his arm. “But, Kona, you have to forgive her.”

Neither of them had been blessed with sweet, supportive mothers, and Kona often wondered, between the two of them, who had been handed the worst. “Did you forgive your mother?”

“Yes.” That nod was slow, and Keira looked behind him as though she needed to weigh her answer before she finished. “But only just recently.”

“And did it make you feel better?”

“It made me less angry.” Once again, she pulled away from him and hugged herself around the waist. “Having Ransom, worrying about him, trying to do the best that I could for him, it gave me perspective. I didn’t realize that until she was dead, until I found some things she’d kept of me, my career. She was awful to me. She was ignorant and controlling and she was a drunk. But Kona, we only get one mama. No matter how freaking frustrating they are and even if most days we want to ring their necks, they’re still our mothers.”

Kona wondered what she’d found among her mother’s possessions that would have eased her anger so much. He wondered how she could soften so quickly from a few months ago, when she threatened to walk away from him simply because he had been considering welcoming his mother back into his life. Now, this new perspective had not only erased her anger, but had also dimmed her hatred. He couldn’t imagine her ever forgiving Lalei, but did that mean she’d let Kona and Ransom have what little time was left with her? “You’d let Ransom around my mom?”

“She’s his grandmother.”

“And you?”

That shaking head and closed eyes told Kona all he needed to know. “I won’t be making her roasts for Sunday lunch. But this isn’t about me. It’s about you making your peace before it’s too late. This isn’t about her. It’s about you.”

He couldn’t blame her and if Kona was being honest with himself, part of him really didn’t trust his mother, either. But regardless of what she had done in the past, he hated that she was sick, and he knew that Keira was right; he’d never be able to live with the guilt if he didn’t at least try to forgive her. When she’d arrived at the resort earlier today, looking pale and exhausted, their conversation had been awkward, their smiles forced. It was only Ransom’s efforts that eased the animosity Kona held for the woman. Keira had raised such an amazing kid and he’d never be able to thank her enough for it.

It was hard for Kona to refrain from stepping behind where Keira was once again staring across the water, to keep from finally touching her, holding her, kissing her senseless. But his Wildcat was stubborn, and he knew that even as she urged him to forgive his mother, she hadn’t completely forgiven him for what he himself had kept from her. That was confirmed when Keira looked over shoulder, her expression stern as though just looking at him was a struggle.

“You didn’t tell me about the job in California.” She released her gaze, then brought it back to the water. “I had to find out from a freaking reporter.”

Freaking Scott and his big mouth. No, he thought. Don’t deflect. “I didn’t know if I was going to take it. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d be upset and I didn’t want to be the cause of that.”

“So why not turn it down?”

Kona sat down on the rock, just to be closer to her and rested his elbows on his knees, scrubbed his hand over his head. “I don’t know, baby. I should have. I meant to, but Devon kept talking about commentating for the playoffs and maybe the SuperBowl…” he looked up at her when she grunted, frustrated by Kona’s half-assed excuses. The sleeves of his jacket covered her hands. “I’m an idiot,” he said, simply.

“I’d never call you that, Kona.” She looked at him but still kept herself away, maintaining her guard with her shoulders stiff. “I’d say selfish, maybe, an attention whore, but you’re aren’t an idiot.”

“Keira, I love you.”

That admission pulled the faint wrinkles from her face and removed her frown. She was surprised, mouth dropped open and eyebrows lifted. “I… I love you,” she started, but Kona thought it hurt her to say so, like her love for him was something she meant to keep at a distance, like it was a temptation she needed to avoid. “I’ve loved you for a very long time, Kona.” He hated that look she gave him, hated more that she hadn’t smiled once since he came to her. “A part of me will always be in this world because of you. You gave me that beautiful little man in there.”

He stood up then, and didn’t pause when she dropped her eyes to the sand, trying to avoid his gaze. Kona couldn’t help himself. He wanted her. He loved her. She had to see that, she had to stop avoiding him and the look of desperation he knew was on his face. “Baby, please don’t turn away from me,” he said when she backed up, out of his reach. “I want to touch you so badly. I want to tell you I’m sorry and try again. I wanna keep trying, Keira. Please let me.”