Micah Johnson Goes West (Get Out, #2)(56)

“I didn’t!” Dane said. “I’ve hardly even heard them say a word about gay people, positive or negative, until they were thinking about fostering you. Then it was all, pride, pride, pride, I’m going to go on a float in the Mardi Gras!”

Micah smiled in spite of himself. The thing was, he could imagine the Mitchell clan on a float. Sam would probably go in booty shorts and nothing else just to be a good sport, with Maia egging him on every step of the way.

“Are you laughing at me?” Dane yelled.

“No, calm down, for fuck’s sake.” Micah sat down on the floor. “I might as well get comfortable.”

“Oh, what, are we friends now?”

“You wouldn’t be the shittiest friend I ever had,” Micah said. “Oh, hang on a minute. Yeah, you’d be the worst.” Really, how many closeted self-hating teen boys could Micah come across in his life? Then he remembered the drugs rattling around in his stomach, and knew that the closet had far-reaching self-destructive tentacles even for those who had escaped it.

“Are you going to tell my family?”

Micah shook his head.

“Why not? It’d be the perfect revenge for how I’ve acted to you.”

“I don’t do revenge,” Micah said. “Anymore.” He had to add that caveat. “But I think you should tell them.”

“After all this time?” Dane asked. “They’d think I was the biggest hypocrite.”

They wouldn’t be wrong, Micah thought before he could stop himself. New new new Micah still wasn’t without the judgement, it seemed. But he said, “They wouldn’t. They would be supportive. In fact, they would probably feel guilt not knowing beforehand and helping you.”

“Don’t you think I know how wrong I’ve been? I’ve felt sick over it. I’ve played at being this guy so long so they wouldn’t suspect it of me, and then I find out my whole family are secretly gay rights campaigners?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, they’re not so secret.”

“By the time I did notice, I was too scared.”

“Your brother wouldn’t have hated you. He doesn’t think much of you now, but that’s because he believes you’re an arsehole.”

“I have been an arsehole.” Dane said it so sadly Micah was tempted to give him a hug but thought it probably wasn’t a good idea. “It’s too late.”

“No, it’s not.” Here he was again, Micah thought. Another homophobic closet case that he was helping. It was turning into a career. Maybe he should have gone and started a psychology degree instead of kicking a footy for money. “Let me tell you something. I knew a guy so deep in the closet that he cyberbullied me, and when I called him out on it he punched me unconscious. Don’t get any ideas,” he said as Dane shifted on the bed.

“I’m not!”

“Relax. I was joking. Anyway, my knees hurt.” He got up off the floor and moved over to the bed. “Scoot.”

Dane shifted up and allowed him enough room to sit. “So what happened?”

“I visit him every time I’m in Melbourne.” He left out the pertinent details on where exactly he had to do that.

“You’re kidding.”

“No. Believe me, if it had been anybody else, or at least a straight anybody else, I wouldn’t be so forgiving. But that’s what the closet can do to you, so I’m prepared to cut people some slack on it.”

“Like me?” Dane sounded hopeful.

“Depends what you do from here.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you stop being such a dickhead to me, yeah.” Micah felt while he was in this strange, but no longer unique, situation he might as well give some further advice. “And listen, about Grindr—”

Dane was immediately defensive. “What about it?”

“Just be careful.”

“Of course I’m careful!”

“Yeah, well, I used to say that too.”

“I’ve only ever….” Dane trailed off nervously.

Micah remained silent, letting Dane make the decision whether to continue or not.

“I mean, I just used to go on and look a lot of the time. I just wanted to see that there were other gay guys out there. It’s not like there were a lot among my friends or Sam and his teammates. Until you.”

“Yep. Me, the token gay Docker.”

“Anyway, that’s how I used to see you, always on Grindr—”

“If I was always on Grindr to be seen, that means you were there just as often.”

Dane fell silent.

“True?”

“I guess. But you would go off and hook up. It’s not like I ever really got anything from it! The one time I met up with a guy, I was so nervous—”

“Do I really need to hear the details?”

“—I couldn’t get hard so I had to just end up wanking him off. He wasn’t that happy about it.”

Micah’s annoyance quickly turned to concern. “Did you get out of it okay?”

“Yeah, I mean, he didn’t do anything, he was just expecting more, I guess.”

“Grindr hasn’t exactly been the land of opportunity for me, either. But then, I played the game just as badly as they did.” Micah couldn’t help thinking of Pikachu95 once more. “I’m not going to tell you not to do it, because that would be hypocritical. Just be more careful with it than me.”